Black Waves

When They Talk It Out

Remington had a couple pizzas delivered and he decided to sit at the dining room table. He has his hair in a beanie and is wearing leather pants with a gray top, matching it with a black scarf. Andy smiles at his husband, loving the view. Andy is wearing black skinny joggers and a gray v neck. Neither of them touch the pizza and Remington's hands are shaking. Andy hands him a glass of water and Remington thanks him quietly, taking a small sip. 

They both sit in awkward silence until Remington musters up the courage to speak. 

"When did it start?"

Andy looks at him confused. "When did what start? With you and me?"

Remington sighs and looks down, playing with his fingers. "When did you start talking to Austin."

Andy frowns and sits up. "I received a message from him when we were in New York. We barely talked. He just mentioned that it had been three years since we broke up."

Remington looks at him confused. "But yours and Juliette's divorce wasn't until right before we met?"

Andy shakes his head. "We had been separated for quite a while. We were on again off again but the ending was always I was gay and not attracted to her."

"Okay, then go on. What made it deeper."

Andy watches his lover's bottom lip quiver, he's trying to be brave. "He kept talking about what we used to do together. Stupid animes that we would watch. Dates we would go on. He never would talk about me now with you and I guess I didn't either. But I know he knew. He eventually began to get more flirty, and it just excited me."

Remington nods and takes a sip of the water. "And where was I when you were doing this?"

The guilt is eating Andy's stomach. "You would be away usually. Either on stage, in the bathroom, in the shower, with your brothers...I tried to do it away from you."

"And when you started to ignore me...what was going through your mind then? What were you two texting?"

Andy spins his phone on the table to hopefully avoid some of the pain in his stomach, to keep his mind off of it. "He was sending me revealing pictures. I sent only one back. He would tell me what he wanted to do to me, and we would send some graphic texts back and forth. I just...I just shut you out I guess. It's not that I found you unattractive or anything. I just literally blocked you out. I ignored you half the time and would pretend you weren't there so I didn't feel as guilty."

A single tear falls from Remington's cheek and he nods. 

"Babe..."

"Please don't babe me, we aren't finished."

Andy gulps and sits back, watching his heart broken husband gather the strength for more questions.

"Did you know that I knew something was going on? Did you know I would stay up reading y'alls texts at night and would cry myself to sleep on the couch on the bus?"

Andy has tears coming down his cheeks and he shakes his head.

"Did you even remember me asking you in the hotel room to stay in?"

Andy nods and wipes his cheeks.

"Why didn't you stay? You heard me, you admit it now. So why didn't you fucking think of me then?"

Andy rests his chin on his hand. "I was still blocking you out in a way. Like in my head what I was doing wasn't bad. I was excited."

Remington wipes more tears way and whimpers out, "How was the sex Andy?"

Andy reaches for his lover's hand but Remington sits back, sniffling and trying to hold back tears.

"Remi, you don't need to know everything. Don't hurt yourself."

"Andy, I fucking asked you, how was fucking another man? Did you do the same moves on him that you do to me? Were you the dominant like you are with me? Did he scream for you to fuck him like I do? Did you suck him off and swallow it all like you do with me? Did he love getting on his knees for you like I do? Did you lick his ass like you do mine? Was he tighter than me? Do you even know if he's been tested recently?" He was yelling at this point. 

Andy frowns and sits up straight. "No, everything was different. I didn't touch him. He did touch me. He tried to give me a blowjob...I also did fuck him."

Remington hides his face in his hands and sobs quietly.

"I never came. When he tried touching me, it didn't feel good. I kept thinking of you. I didn't stop though. I just never finished. I fell asleep in his bed feeling guilty as fuck. I didn't mean to fall asleep with him. When I woke up, all the emotions ran me over. It's like everything clicked. And God I felt so fucking guilty."

Remington continues to hide his face and Andy sits there not knowing what to do.

"I don't know what we should even do Ands." Remington yells, wiping the tears away. "I fucking hate you so much. If you wanted him so fucking bad just go be with him Andy. When I told you I didn't want to be alive anymore? I meant it. Do you know how easy it is for me to get pills and to just do it? Drive away from here and just do it."

Andy cringes at his yells. "Just give me another chance baby. You are everything I've ever wanted and more. I don't know why I strayed away. I can't even come up with a good fucking excuse. But you are the only one that I want. Don't fucking dare hurt yourself."

Remington stays still and looks down.

"What did you do that night you went to the club? Did you really go home with two guys?"

Remington nods, avoiding his gaze.

Andy frowns and says, "I deserve that. Did it...did it feel good to you?"

Remington nods shyly again. "I felt wanted," he whispers. "I hadn't felt wanted in over a month. Or noticed. The two men, they treated me like I was some expensive thing. That I was so sought after. They were literally obsessed with my body and loved watching each other get me off. It was strange."

Andy nods and whispers, "It should have been me making you feel wanted and seen."

"I shouldn't have went out fucking other guys. "

Andy stands up and walks over to Remington, taking the chair closest to him and sitting in front of him. He grabs Remington's hands and strokes them gently. "No baby, only I fucked up. Don't you dare blame yourself for any of it."

"Why did you two break up?" He whispers, looking at their hands.

"He basically wanted me to boost his fame. He took money from me every chance he got. He even tried to get with Lonny and Jake." 

"I'm sorry he did that to you."

Andy rubs his lover's soft hands. Remington watches and relaxes. 

"I don't know why I ordered anything. I've lost all my appetite for at least a year." He stands up and puts the pizzas in the fridge. Andy watches him and stands up with him. 

"I'm going to go for a walk though. I'll see you in a minute."

"Rem, no. Don't go anywhere like this."

Remington frowns and Andy walks over to him, hugging him tightly. 

"So what does that mean for us Remington?" Andy asks, anxiety filling his stomach up.

"I'll try to get over it. I'll try to forgive you. But I can't leave you. I fucking love you too much. We both need to get tested and make sure we didn't catch anything. But I don't know if I'm ready to jump into it completely with you. You have to earn my trust back. But God I fucking hate you so much. I just want to strangle you. I want to strangle him too. Maybe I'll send him a video of us hate fucking and send it to him, show him how to actually make you come."

Andy chuckles, relieved that he is getting another chance.