Black Waves

When All Is Forgiven

Remington wakes up the next morning with a pounding headache. Andy is sleeping beside him and Sebastian is sleeping on the chair. He stands up slowly, grabbing his aching head. He walks to the bathroom and it looks like nothing happened last night. He grabs an ibuprofen and groans because his stomach still hurts from all the throwing up they had him doing last night. He forces the medication down and drinks some water. He quickly brushes his teeth and groans when he rubs his arm against the sink. He looks down at his arm and feels the ache. Fuck why did I do all this last night?

"Rem? Baby where are you?" He hears Andy ask, sounding worried. He walks out of the bathroom and bumps into Andy, who embraces him tightly. "Oh thank god, look at me," he grabs his jaw and pushes his face around, inspecting everything. "How are you feeling baby, you look a lot better." 

Remington smiles and looks down, "I'm okay, I don't remember everything but most of it. I...I'm so sorry Andy..." He plays with his fingers nervously. He feels so embarrassed and sad. I wouldn't blame him if he ended it.

Andy holds the boys hands and kisses his cheek. "We need to talk about what happened. It all just shocked me with no warning."

Remington continues to look down and plays with his fingers, feeling so ashamed. Andy sighs and takes the boy's hands, leading him up into their bedroom. They both sit on the edge of the bed and Remington puts his face in his hands. 

"Remi, you need to talk. Let me in baby," Andy says and puts his arm around the man. "Explain what you were feeling. What went through your beautiful head."

Remington frowns and runs a hand through his hair. "Andy, I thought you were mad at me," the blonde haired man explains. "You just, I don't know how to explain it. You seemed off. And I felt it to my core. Hell I thought you were going to break up with me. But like...it goes deeper than just us."

Andy kisses the man's cheek. "Tell me everything babe. I need to be here for you. I can help."

Remington sighs. "I've been cutting myself since I was a teenager. I just never felt...happy. But even as an adult I've continued to cut just not as much. I usually try to hide them by wearing bracelets and long sleeves. I never wanted you to know this side of me..." Remington has tears in his eyes at this point. "I love you, but this shit is hard, Andy."

"Before this, when was the last time you hurt yourself?"

"After the party when we met again. Everything that happened was so amazing, but.." He looks up trying not to cry. "I was confused and felt alone," his voice cracks. 

Andy pulls Remington into his lap and rubs his back. "Baby, don't cry I got you."

The younger man whimpers, "But you don't. Because a lot of the time I do want to die. This is just the first time I've actually went so far. You need someone more stable and happy. It's just not me Andy."

Frowning, Andy kisses the man gently. "I'm not giving up on you. You are going to stay here and we will work this out. You are beautiful, my love, and your life will be beautiful too. Let me help show you how beautiful and worthwhile it is."

Remington lets the tears flow. He pushes his head into Andy's chest and sobs heavily. He has never had anyone that cared so much for him. Everyone else would have gave up at this point.  But not Andy. He is different and kind. 

Andy plays with the blonde man's hair, shushing him. He whispers gently to the man, "Here is what we are going to do. No matter what time, what I'm doing, what you are doing, you tell me when you have any urges. I'll stop no matter what and come find you. I will not let you down baby boy."

Remington nods into his chest. "I love you," he whispers. 

The bedroom door opens and Sebastian walks in, sighing in relief seeing that his brother is awake and okay. He sits by Andy and ruffles Remington's hair. "Bud, how are you feeling?"

"Sore, and tired," he whimpers. 

Sebastian looks at Andy, "I'm going to head out. But call me if anything changes. I'll leave you guys to it."