Black Waves

When He's Gone

Andy sits next to his lover in the ICU, holding his hand tightly. There are so many tubes running in and out of his body that Andy can hardly recognize him. His lover whimpers, rocking back and forth. He is delirious. His hand is extremely sweaty and he is whining and making yipping noises. Andy sits closer to him and rubs his thigh.

"I'm here baby, I'm here Remi. Can you hear me?"

"Ahh, ahh, mmmmmnh," is all he responds, still shaking on the bed. A nurse and a doctor come back in and do another blood draw on him to check his labs. 

"Okay Remington try to stay still sweetie," the nurse says, using the rolling thermometer because he won't stay still. 

"It's 105.7 Dr. Adams." 

"Let's put him back on fluids and push acetaminophen. Rush those labs!"

The nurse hands Andy a lukewarm wash cloth and instructs him to rub it across his face and neck. Andy does what she says and tries to not get in the way of his oxygen tubes. 

"Andy!" He yells out, starting to hyperventilate. 

"Baby boy breathe slowly, I'm here." Andy is scared out of his mind but doesn't want to show it.

The heart monitors start making noise and a couple of nurses and doctors come running in. They check bags next to his bed and a nurse mentions, "His urine output is extremely low. Up his oxygen!"

They put a mask on him and he's still rocking back and forth, "Andy, I'm sorry Andy."

"His kidneys are shutting down! He's in septic shock!"

"Andy! Ahhh, mnnnnh."

"Sir, we need you to go into the waiting room," a nurse in a scrub cap says.

"No, I can't fucking leave him like this! He's yelling for me!" Andy holds his hand tight and continues to try to comfort him.

"Sir, his blood pressure is dropping. He is delirious he cannot understand you or me. We need you to leave now!" 

Remington starts to have a seizure on the bed. Two of the nurses take Andy by the hand and gently push him out of the room, and start tending to his husband. 

"Push lorazepam!"

Eventually the seizing stops and another doctor comes running in with the blood results. They look under the blankets at his wounds, trying to find the cause. His pressure continues to drop and the machine is binging. Andy stands at the doorway, tears filling his eyes. 

"Baby, baby please!" He is crying and yelling. 

The machine starts to make a loud flatline and his oxygen meter is going off. 

"No!" Andy screams, while three nurses hold him back from the room.

"Push the epi! Start compressions!"

"No, Remington, no!" The nurses drag him out of sight, into a private room. Andy punches the wall several times and is screaming, tears flowing heavily. Sebastian, Emerson, and Lonny eventually make it to the room while Larisa and Shy are on the way. They all try to calm Andy down but Andy is inconsolable. 

After a long two hour wait, a doctor comes into the room, and Andy is about to faint.