in my wildest dreams - a taylor swift fanfiction

5 - you can see that i've been cryin'

SKYLAR

It was Saturday morning and I was lying on my side in bed, staring into space with tear-stained cheeks. Ashley and the others were still asleep and probably wouldn't be up until everyone's mandatory wake-up time at nine. I didn't think I'd cried so much in my life as I had during this past week, and I was almost surprised that I hadn't run out of tears yet.

Exactly a week ago, last Saturday, one of the preschoolers passed away. His name was Mason and he was one of the sweetest and funniest kids I'd ever met. He was always so happy, singing and dancing along to the songs, and he always gave me a goodbye hug before he left. The preschool had sent out an email to let everyone know the same night, and I couldn't bring myself to go to work that week. Honestly, if it hadn't been for Susan, Connor and Ashley, I probably wouldn't even have left my bed at all for the entire week.

It wasn't like I knew him that well, other people who I knew better — like Connor's grandma for example — had died and I hadn't been as sad then, but it was something about the fact that he was just a little kid. He didn't live long enough to learn how to read, or how to do math, or to know that there's so much more to life than just preschool and Jackson. If someone as sweet and innocent as him could die, then what about everyone else? He was just a baby, he had so much more to give to the world, but now he was just gone.

To try and make myself feel a little better, I decided to listen to Taylor, but the first song to start playing was Never Grow Up and it made me start sobbing into my pillow again, thinking about the fact that Mason would never be able to grow up.

"Skye?" a soft voice asked, and I realized that Harper had sat up in the bottom bunk of their bunk bed across the room. "Are you... sorry, you obviously ain't fine."

I didn't say anything but we continued to look into each other's eyes in silence. Harper and I had never really taken the time to get to know each other, she was always just Harper whom I shared a room with. Now however, there was something else to her that I'd never noticed before. I could see it in her eyes, not pity, but understanding... sympathy, and it somehow made me calm down a bit. I had been crying for a week straight, but I realized that Mason wouldn't have wanted that. He would've wanted me to continue on with life, to sing, to dance, to laugh.

I sniffled a little, hastily wiping away the tears from my cheeks, and took a deep breath. I could do this, I could be happy, for Mason.

When I heard a couple of light footsteps running past our bedroom door, I decided to make my way downstairs for breakfast. It was a nice morning; someone had made pancakes, the sun was shining through the windows, and soft country music was playing from the stereo in the kitchen. All and all, it felt like the perfect day to start living again and try to be happy.

"Good morning," Susan said as I entered the kitchen followed by Mila who looked like she'd just woken up like a second ago. Susan's smile dropped when she saw my face and the smile was replaced by a worried expression. "Skye, you okay? Have you been cryin'?"

I sighed and walked over to grab a plate from the cupboard. "Yeah, but I'm fine."

Looking over at her, I gave her a small smile as proof.

"Okay, great. Let me know if you need to talk." She went to get Wren some paper towels but spun around to face me again. "Hey, I actually have something I need to talk to you about," she said, and I looked over at her cautiously.

What could she want to talk about? She was smiling so it probably wasn't anything too bad.

"Oh-kay?" I dragged out the word as I put two pancakes on my plate and went to sit down between Mila and Ariana.

Susan laughed at me. "Can we talk in my office after breakfast?"

"Sure."

I was a little scared as I followed Susan into her office, having no idea what to expect. She sat down on one side of the L-shaped couch, and I sat down on the other so that we could see each other.

"So, I have some news and I'm not completely sure how you're going to react," she started off, squaring the papers she had grabbed from her desk when we entered the room. "Well, first of all, I got some sad news. And it's very unfortunate too that I would have to tell you this now, right after-" She cleared her throat and continued. "But your biological mother passed away a couple of days ago."

My face didn't change in the slightest at her words, and I only continued to look at her with a callous expression. How was I supposed to react to that? I hadn't seen or heard from her since they took me away from her more than nine years ago. Could you even call her my mom?

Susan sighed when she realized I wouldn't say anything and continued, "And your biological father — let me see — Rowan Laine wants to set up a meeting to see you."

This — this — is what deserved a reaction. "What!?" I said, my eyes widening in shock.

"Yeah, he says he wants to see you again," she said, checking her paper and nodding in confirmation.

"But- but he's an alcoholic. And a drug addict. He- he's not sane. I remember him from when I was still livin' there. He was always angry and he hit my mom and I-" I could feel myself getting worked up and took a deep breath to calm myself.

Susan met my eyes and pursed her lips together. "He's got a doctor's approval, saying he's clean."

Clean. I could use some Taylor Swift right about now actually, but how weird would that be if I excused myself to go listen to Taylor.

"What more d'you know about him?" I asked, torn between wanting to know and wanting nothing to do with him.

"Uh, he is fifty-three, lives in Bruceton-"

"Bruceton?" I interrupted. "Aren't there only like a hundred people livin' there?"

She ignored my comment and continued. "It says here that he wants you two to get to know each other, and he wants to apologize to you."

I rolled my eyes. Fat chance. What would he say? 'Hey, so I'm your dad. I know I've been a real jerk but I have changed now and I'm sorry. Do you want to go get ice cream so you can tell me about all the things I've missed?'

"Skye, I know you probably don't feel like meeting him, but maybe it would be good for you, just to hear him out and see what he has to say? Maybe he can tell you some stuff about when you were a baby or about your mom...?"

"She was not my mom. And he ain't my dad. I don't have any parents, they lost their right to be called that when I was taken away. It's been nine years and they never reached out to even wish me a happy birthday. I don't want anything to do with him, he's not my dad and he doesn't get to apologize just to make himself feel like a better man."

I stood up from the couch to make my point clearer. "I ain't seein' him. And that's that."

I couldn't help but smirk when I exited her office and stomped upstairs to get changed. I never really got those satisfying moments you see in movies, but this time I kind of got it and it felt really good. I knew Susan would continue to try and talk me into seeing him again — she never gave up that easily — but at least for now, I wouldn't have to think about it.

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A/N

Hey hey hey! So I managed to update today like I said I would, everybody cheered!!

Not much to say other than I'm excited for Taylor to be in the next chapter :))

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Next chapter will be up next weekend!