✔️ Body and Mind 3

Cold Ice and Hot Coffee

Yuzuru tied his skating boots, glad that he had the rink just for himself, and stepped on the ice, hoping to be able to clear his mind at least for a moment.
At least for one second if he could stop all the anxious thoughts that were taunting him both day and night.

He began with the usual stroking exercise but managed to hold up only for several minutes. Even the feeling of gliding on the ice with the wind in his hair, something that always brought him peace, could not help him.
He just felt physically sick from everything. From himself.

Yuzuru slid down on the ice, leaning against the mirror and not caring that soon the cold ice will start to soak through his clothes.
He bent his knee and put his leg flatly on the ice, going with his finger over the rim of his skating boot.

How ironic, he thought, giving up everything in his life for skating, thinking that it's the only thing making him happy. And now when he was ready and content about finally finishing his career soon, he realized there was nothing ahead.
Because he gave it all to that sport.
Only Emily was left but if he would lose also her there would be indeed nothing left, just a dark void of emptiness.

And yes, he might have loved Anya more, but it didn't make his feelings for Emily any less honest. He couldn't bear the thought of losing her.
Not another. He knew the moment he would...no, the moment he will - tell her, she will be gone from his life.
He knew he can't have either of them. But with Anya, it was absolutely definite. There was no way. But with Emily, there was still a chance. If he was making her happy.
If he would only manage to hold his tongue and not tell her about his feelings for Anya. Only admit to lying about her name like Javi suggested.
But that would be again just a half-truth and he didn't want to be lying to her any longer.

He took off his gloves and put both of his hands on the cold ice as if trying to gain some power from it, wondering how it's all going to go down.

A lot of yelling. That was one thing he was pretty much sure of. And same as Anya told him, he knew that Emily will have every right to shout whatever she liked in his direction.

He wasn't as trained on what Emily was thinking as he was on Anya. Because with Emily whatever was on her mind was on her tongue.
Whereas with Anya, he could pretty much read her mind just by looking into her eyes. Her words usually being toned down by her reason and logic, but her honest emotions were always first reflected in her eyes before she spoke.
With Emily, there was no sifter through which her thoughts would go first before they would be said out loud.
And he knew she will have a lot on her mind to put into words once he admits everything.

Yuzuru hung his head and finally realized that the strongest emotion he was feeling was fear.
Absolute and all-consuming fear.
Afraid of how Emily will react, of what she is going to tell him, of hurting her, and afraid of being alone.

________________

Nathan was already in the cafe when Emily got there and she went straight to the waitress, ordering a cup of coffee, before aiming towards Nathan.

He stood up, giving her a quick hug, and sat down, slightly frowning seeing the dark circles under her eyes.

-Partying till morning?

Emily laughed at that, but in her head cursed the shitty concealer she bought in the drug store.

-I had my gig yesterday. So, trip to Toronto?

-Yeah....you remember Nick? His brother is studying here at UofT. So we decided to make a trip out of it for several days.

-Cool. Did you see anything nice?