✔️ Body and Mind 3

Hope Found and Lost

Yuzuru didn't get out of the flat for over a week, just to avoid seeing some happy couples on the streets enjoying the early autumn weather.
He kept replaying Anya's words that he is just a human and only made a bad decision, but somehow walking through the empty flat was making those words sound meaningless.

He stuffed the box back into the closet but left the book out, planning to read it once more, even though by now he almost knew it by heart.

For the first weeks, he still had that little flicker of hope anytime his phone buzzed that it would be a text from Emily but then he finally gave up, letting the hope die together with his will to do anything about it.
Because he knew there was nothing he could do.
As much as he wanted to at least not lose her as a friend, he knew it would have to come from her side, if she would decide to forgive him.

It was now a month later and Yuzuru was sitting cross-legged on the bed, his elbow against his knees and supporting his head with his hand as he was finally finishing the Jane Eyre book.
His whole body hurt from the practice but at least the physical pain was numbing the emotional one.
He was now at his favorite part where Jane has finally reunited with Mr. Rochester after a year apart. No more hidden secrets and lies, nothing to weigh them down anymore, and their love still the same as it was before.
Yuzuru finished the book and put it on his nightstand, but instead of going to bed as he originally planned, he got up and went on the balcony.

He leaned over the railings and looked up at the stars, wondering if there is indeed any hope in them as he always believed.
Because if he would take into account only the past few years, no matter how hopeful he was when he looked up, most of his dreams never came true.
So he was now staring at them once more, the positive connection he used to have with the stars slowly diminishing.

Yet he decided to give them and himself one more chance. Because maybe, just maybe, if he would actually land the quad Axel, he could go back to Anya. Maybe she would believe him that he is now content with what he achieved in figure skating and is ready to retire.
And maybe she would leave David for him and they could finally.....Yuzuru quickly shook his head, not wanting to finish the train of thoughts. Because he knew that his quad Axel is still in the same stage as it was months ago. So close to being landed but yet no success.
And also because he didn't want Anya to go through the same thing with David that he had done to Emily.
He didn't want to appear at their doorstep and break them up.
Yet he did hope that maybe Anya would contact him once he would land it.

And so he once more looked up at the stars and made himself a promise that he would do whatever it takes to master that jump no matter what it takes. That there would be no more trainings cut short, no more free weekends and that he would give it everything he has.

He gave the starry night a resolute nod, leaving the balcony full of determination and hope that there was still a chance for his misery to turn into something good.

______________________

November, 3 months later (and 4 months before the Beijing 2022 Olympics)

Yuzuru slowly dragged his body in the hallway to his apartment and once he got through the door he almost collapsed on the floor right there.
It took him the last remains of power he had just to undress and get into the shower.
He sat down on the edge of the bathtub, not having the strength to stand, and scanned his legs and arms that were now sporting all possible shades of blue, green, red, and yellow.
He was actually having a hard time finding parts of skin that would be his normal color.
His limbs were now completely covered in massive bruises and he was getting worried about how to keep dodging the mandatory visits at the rink's physician.
Because he knew that once would Brian find out about it, he would yet again ban him from the rink until it would heal, Olympics or not.
And not that he actually cared about the Olympics that much, but it was his chance where to land the Axel if only he would manage to master it until then.
And yeah, he knew that he would have another chance shortly after at the Worlds but Anya told him last year that she would like to come and watch him in Beijing.