✔️ Body and Mind 3

Want the truth or something beautiful?

♫

I didn't want to speak, the honest truth
So I spit out lies that aimed to soothe
Do you want the truth or something beautiful?
Just close your eyes and make-believe

♫

_____________

Even though it was already few days since his mum left, Yuzuru still couldn't shake the idea of Anya just walking through that restaurant door. What would it be like to see her again? His heart would probably stop....
Would he want to risk what he had with Emily over some naive hope of waiting for Anya?

Wasn't that the purpose of why she cut the string in the first place? Because she knew it won't happen and didn't want him to wait for her? So that they can both move on. Did she? Was she happy with somebody else now?
Yuzuru didn't like that train of thoughts. He could not imagine her being with anyone else.
Somehow he just couldn't shake that feeling that they were just meant to be and anyone else would be just somebody she would settle for.
Was that what Emily was to him? Somebody he truly loved yet not enough in comparison to what he had with Anya?

He got up from the half-eaten dinner and went to the bedroom, ignoring Emily's question if he is okay.
Something she was asking him regularly ever since his mum left.

Yuzuru lied down on the bed and pulled one of the pillows over his head, like a small child trying to hide from the world and all its struggles. He was just so exhausted that he was afraid any more thinking on this matter would make his brain explode.

The last thing he wanted was to hurt Emily. And he so much wanted to be honest with her about everything. But now when the dynamic of their relationship changed, he could not come to her anymore to pour his heart out.
He couldn't tell her that even though he loves her and he didn't think of Anya for so long, that it was enough for his mum to mention her and it all started to come back. That he is now having doubts if he did the right thing by finally admitting to her that he fell for her in the past months.

If their relationship hanged only on his ability to keep the promises he made, this would definitely send it straight to a point of no return.
And he so so much didn't want to lose her.

The bed shifted as he felt her sitting down next to him and soon after her hand was stroking his back.

-You okay, Zu?

He didn't answer and just clenched onto the pillow over his head a little bit more.

-You know you can talk to me, right? Whatever is on your mind.

Yuzuru quietly whimpered in response, her concern over him just making all the torment he was going through even worse.

Emily took away her hand from him but stayed sitting there and waited for him to process whatever he was processing until he would be ready to talk.

And that somehow made him feel even worse.
Because he knew she is always there for him whenever he would need to. Whenever he would ask. But he couldn't fight the thought that if it would be Anya, she would just probably now lie down on top of him, wrap her arms around him and say something so unromantic that he would just have to laugh.
And he would try to shake her dainty body off, but she would keep clenching onto him, possibly mumbling something about oxytocin, and sooner or later he would give up, all of his worries being gone because the only thing he ever needed was her. With him. In his arms.

He finally removed the pillow and the feeling of emptiness started to dissipate as he rolled over and looked at Emily.

Sitting there and even though frowning, with a concerned look, still absolutely mesmerizing. His beacon of hope showing him that he can be happy.

-I'm sorry, Em.

-Would you at least tell me what it is?

-The quad Axel. It's not progressing as much as I would like.