365 Days of You

Chapter 5

Jihyo regards her with gentle eyes.

You can see bits and pieces of Nayeon and hate her, but if you care to look beyond the tough exterior, she is a wonderful person with a lot of love to give.

Sadly the one person who has to believe that firmly refuses to. Nayeon has convinced herself she's a monster.

Nayeon feels the leader's eyes on her.

The couple of drinks she has had helps ignore the concern she sees flashing in Jihyo's big brown eyes and numbs her enough to sit through the meeting.

"Nayeon-ssi, it's been four months since we filed for divorce. We still haven't heard from the court."

Now all eyes in the room are on her, looking at her sympathetically. She's going to need more alcohol if they are going to keep looking at her like that.

"I just want to make sure you're okay with waiting a little longer."

She shrugs as she fondles the wedding ring on her finger absent mindedly. Honestly, she doesn't even want a divorce.

Jihyo's watchful eyes don't miss the action.

She knows it is time to have the talk.

"No."

Nayeon says as she takes another swig of alcohol.

"What do you mean no?"

Jihyo's patience is wearing thin.

"No, I don't want to talk about me. No, there's nothing wrong with me."

Jihyo lets out an exasperated breath.

They are in Nayeon's house which, despite the immaculately arranged furniture and expensive curtains, looks deserted and abandoned.

Nayeon is half way through the first bottle when Jihyo says,

"You can't love her if you don't love yourself."

The older girl's hands clench around the bottle.

Anger is the first emotion Nayeon feels. Followed by the awareness of the truth in Jihyo's words.

"She doesn't love me."

Jihyo doesn't miss how she hasn't denied being in love with Mina.

"You don't know for sure."

They both sit in silence for some time.

"Nayeon, you can't find refuge in alcohol every time things go wrong."

Nayeon laughs bitterly as she chugs the content of the bottle down her throat.

"You know the consequences of alcohol. One would think you wouldn't go back to it, after what happened to Mina."

It is a low blow.

Jihyo knows that. But only Mina's name seems to get a reaction out of her.

Nayeon freezes hearing those words.

She remembers how she nearly let Geun-

No, she can't even think about, it makes her feel sick, physically. She feels an overwhelming urge to throw up. She closes her eyes as hot tears prickles them.

"Jihyo. That's unfair."

Jihyo nods. She shouldn't have used that particular incident to get through to Nayeon, yes. But is there anything fair in love or war?

"Yes, it is unfair. But don't you think you're being unfair to yourself too? If you could get your act together, you can still have the greatest love of your life."

Nayeon shakes her head.

Jihyo is wrong.

It's too late now, Mina must have moved on from whatever little feeling she had for her. She won't blame her, who'd want to be with someone as despicable as her.

Nayeon sags against the couch, her clouded eyes flickering across the things in the living room.

She has missed Mina so much in these past four months. Every nook and corner in the house, everything she sees, touches, hears, reminds her of the younger girl. Love songs, poems, beautiful things, all brings the blonde to the surface of her mind effortlessly.

It is pathetic really. She knows she can't go on like this. She knows she can't use alcohol to run away from reality. She'll end up in a hospital bed one of these days. Maybe never to wake up again.

"I don't know what to do."

She admits, not bothering to wipe the tears falling down her face.

Jihyo hugs her, rocking her gently in her arms.

She has faith in love. She has faith in Nayeon. She wishes Nayeon has that faith in herself.

Nayeon takes that giant leap of faith when she has a visitor at her doorstep two days later.

"Momo." She looks at her hesitantly.

"Shut up and pass me that bottle."

The younger girl pushes her to a side, snatches the bottle of vodka from her hand and downs half of it in one go as she walks into the room.

Nayeon stares at her like she has grown a third head.

They sit on the living room floor, not speaking much, finishing the bottle between them.

"I should hate you."

Nayeon nods in understanding.

She hates herself too.

"But I can't. I can't hate anything Mina loves."

Nayeon nods again absentmindedly.

Momo waits for the meaning behind the words to hit the older girl.

It does, in a few seconds.

Nayeon's eyes widen as she fully grasps what she's been told.

"What did you say?"

She pulls Momo to her, grabbing her by the collar and shaking her.

"What did you just say?"

Momo looks at her for a long moment.

"I said I can't hate anything Mina loves."

Nayeon stares at her, her mouth wide open.

Momo shakes her head, laughing sadly.

Nayeon really doesn't have a fucking clue.

"She was in love with you idiot."