driver's license // r.h.

Chapter 28

"It's okay Angel, you don't have to go out there," Ryan said, hugging me as I silently cried into his chest.
"We can send Ryan out first if you want and if you are feeling up for performing, you can join him," Eric sujusted
"No it's okay, I-I can go out there," I said, forcing myself to my feet. I was supposed to be out there almost 10 minutes ago, it wasn't fair to all the people here tonight. As miserable and broken as I felt, I knew I had to go out there.
"Lexi," Ryan said. I looked up into his eyes and he wiped away my tears. "Are you sure you want to do this?" I nodded and turned to walk onto the stage. I wiped my tears one more time before walking on.

The spotlights blinded me and I heard the crowd cheering. To be honest, those cheers were the only thing keeping me from running off stage and into my bunk. I walked to the middle of the stage and some worried whispers filled the audience. "Hey guys, my name is Alexis and tonight me and Ryan will be opening for Why Don't We," I said, my voice cracking ever so slightly. It was a boring and basic introduction, but at least I didn't break down in the middle of my sentence. I received some cheers from the crowd but some of them still looked a bit worried. I brushed it off, and started singing.

My songs couldn't have dragged on any slower. I was getting too emotional during the one I wrote about Max and actually started crying so hard that I missed a few measures. However, the crowd kept cheering for me as I kept going, which fueled my motivation to finish each song. Finally, it was time for my last song, aka the one with Ryan. He ran over to me and gave me a hug in front of everyone. Tons of people said "aww" and took pictures. I took his hug and let a few more tears fall. "I'm so proud of you Lexi, you are so strong. You have one more song, I know you can do it," he whispered in my ear. I nodded and pulled away to wipe my eyes once more.
"Thank you everyone for being so patient with me tonight," I started. "If you can't tell, today has kinda been a rough day." I got some of the loudest cheers I've received all evening and a bunch of encouraging words. The pain in my chest numbed for a minute and I had a slight smile on my face.

As soon as I exited the stage, the five boys engulfed me in a giant hug and I silently cried. At least on stage, I forgot about Max for a minute, but now I was reminded over and over again. The pain in my chest blocked out their pitying words. They stayed with me until they had two minutes to get their mics and get on stage, which I deeply appreciated. Eric and Jon then walked with me to the showers to make sure I was okay. To be honest, I don't think they really wanted to leave an emotional teenage girl alone. I appreciated all the love and support, but I needed to be alone for a minute.

I turned the shower water as hot as it would go and crouched into a ball on the shower floor fully clothed and continued to cry. My negative thoughts and the throbbing pain I was feeling consumed me. I washed my hair until my scalp hurt and I scrubbed my body until my skin was raw and burning from the hot water. I cried and cried and cried until I didn't think I had anymore tears left. I felt absolutely miserable and completely drained.

After being in there for half an hour, I grabbed my towel and wrapped it around my sore aching body. I walked to the bathroom sink, my hair sticking to my cheeks. I had a pounding headache and a stuffy nose. My cheeks were pink and my eyes were red and puffy. I pulled back my wet brunette hair and looked into the mirror. All I saw was the girl he didn't want; the girl who wasn't good enough for him. I ran my fingers through my knotted hair and thought of all the times he complimented me on my hair color and how every time I said I wanted to dye it he always begged me not to because of how "beautiful" it was. Well fuck him and his opinion on my hair! A new rush of anger flooded through me as I grabbed my hair brush and ripped it through my hair. The physical pain somehow distracted me from the pain my heart was causing me. I was brushing so hard I snapped the handle off the brush. Frustrated, I threw it on the ground and picked up my fresh clothes and threw them on.