The Spark Between Us

Chapter 20- Break away

The next day is Monday and I am not in the best mood. I didn't get hardly any sleep the night before, tossing and turning, weighed down by the weight of the choice before me.
I lay down in the couch, aimlessly flipping through the tv channels for awhile, but nothing can hold my interest. An idea occurs to me, I know a place I can go, one I have always loved, maybe it will help clear my mind.

As a last minute decision, I grab my motorcycle key in the way out, deciding to take it instead of my car. The freedom I experience when driving it, can only help lift my mood. I head towards my destination, the wind tugging my hair and the feeling of the bike beneath me already making me feel better. When I arrive, I park the bike and start walking the rest of the way. Finally the trestle comes into view. As I reach the middle, I sit down dangling my legs off the side like I have so many times before. I lean back on my arms, close my eyes and let my thoughts take over.

I remember coming here so many times with Noah, not only our first kiss, and graduation day, but my 18th birthday as well, when he gave me the sun catcher. Just random Saturday's when we would hang out and everything seemed perfect. No worries, no cares. At least, not until he started planning and lining everything up. Which as much as I don't like, is not a bad thing that he knows exactly what he wants and has a plan. Noah is safety, warmth, sunshine and comfort all wrapped in one. He is gentle, loving, kind patient. Basically my polar opposite, I chuckle to myself. I love that about him. I love him and he makes me consider things from all angles, which helps to tame me down.

Asher on the other hand, is electricity, fire, ice and passion. He is impatient, sarcastic, impulsive like I am, yet still has the capacity for kindness when needed. He challenges me, infuriates me at times, and encourages me to follow my desires for excitement and passion.
They are two polar opposites, and I don't know how I am supposed to choose.

Hearing what sounds like someone approaching, I open my eyes to see Noah. At first I am surprised, but as I think about it, it makes sense. Of course this would be his thinking spot as well. He introduced me to it, after all.

" Maine, I was wondering who would be here. I saw a motorcycle when I parked." His voice is curious.

I flinch internally, he doesn't know about the motorcycle. He won't like that. I just shrug and casually say " Oh yea, that's mine."

He raises his eyebrows for a moment, then his brow furrows as understanding crosses his face. I can almost see when his mind connects the dots. " I guess I missed quite a lot while I was gone, huh?" He asks, just a hint of sarcasm in his tone.

I sigh softly, I deserve that, but I'm not going to engage in that line of conversation. "Not too much." I reply lightly " what are you doing here?"

Noah settles in next to me, taking my hand in his. " I came to think, same as you, I guess?"

Leaving my hand in his, I just nod my head, not saying anything. We sit in silence for awhile, before Noah clears his throat and still holding my hand inquires "Well, I guess we have some thing to talk about and catching up to do?"

I just nod again, not sure where to begin. I decide to go for the easy part first. "Tell me all about your volunteer program, how did it go?"

Noah launches into a detailed description of everything he did this summer. His face lights up as he talks and I can tell he really loved it.
I am happy for him that he got to have the experience . As I see his animation and passion for what he was doing, I feel the remaining bitterness that has been lingering towards him fade about not returning for Mimi's death. I'm still a little hurt by it, but I do understand. I go ahead and tell him so.

He smiles at me sadly " I should have came back, not only because you needed me, but I caused the wedge between us that created room for Asher."

Pushing back my feelings of guilt, I look at him steadily. I have to be at least somewhat honest with him, he doesn't need that guilt. " To be honest, that didn't help Noah, but it wasn't exactly what led to my feelings for Asher. I wouldn't admit it to myself at the time, but looking back, I don't think anything could have stopped that from happening."

" You do love him, then?" He asks, not meeting my eyes.

" Yes, but I love you too." I say, my voice shaking.

He closes his eyes for a moment and then looks at me, trying so hard to hide the pain, but it is written all over his face " What now, then?"

I stare straight ahead as a single tear falls down my cheek " I don't know."

" You will have to make a choice eventually, love." The old endearment slips effortlessly from his lips, causing more tears to slide down my face.

" I know" my voice is thick with tears " I just can't yet. I'm not ready to loose either one of you, I have already lost Mimi, and even my parents in a sense, although I guess I never really had them."

Noah squeezes my hand one more time, and as I turn to look at him, he leans over and kisses me. My tear stained face doesn't bother him at all, apparently. Warmth, comfort and love flood through me as our lips touch and I kiss him back with a touch of desperation.

" I'm sorry, but that is probably unavoidable. I want you to choose me, but I am patient, you know that. I can wait. You need to take the time to figure out what you want." He gives me a small smile, leans in and kisses me again, before he stands up, walking away and leaving me alone with my tears and thoughts.

..............

I spend the week or so avoiding both of them, going about life as usual. I go to work, come home, clean the house and hang out and watch tv or read. Sara and I have been hanging out as much as possible, she even took a yoga lesson from me the other day and stayed the night that evening. She has really been a huge help through this, bringing comfort food, being a sounding board. The other night she finally told me to focus on myself, what I want and need and the rest would talk into place.

That's what I intend to do. I head downtown to meet Sara at the Roadside bar and grill. We decided to it would be good for me to get out of the house for some much needed fun. As I walk in, I see Sara over to the left in a booth, she waves me over and darts her eyes over to the pool table area to my right. Glancing over, my heart skips a beat. Noah and Asher are playing pool at one of the tables. They haven't noticed me want in, so I quietly slip over to where Sara is sitting.

She raises her eyebrows at me as I slide into the booth " Slick entrance."

I roll my eyes at her. " Well, they didn't see me, did they?" My back is facing the pool tables and I don't dare look over there.

She casually peers over my shoulder " Nope, and they seem to be getting along really well actually. Which is a good thing."

Nodding my head in agreement, I ask " Did you order yet?"

" For both of us, duh. It will be here in a minute. Listen, Tyson is having a party tonight at his house. His parents are out of town. So let's do that after." She smiles encouragingly at me.

" Okay, I could use some fun." I don't actually want to go to a party, but I can tell Sara really wants too, and she deserves some fun. She has spent too much time listening to me complain and mope already.

Just then, the waiter being our food and we dig in, eating and joking around. Sara really does cheer me up, no matter what. Once we are finished and start to go, I feel a flash of nervousness. There is no way I am making it past Noah and Asher without them seeing me. Sara, sensing my hesitation, loops her arm through mine and putting herself between me and their line of view, starts heading for the door. As we walk out I can't help but look that direction, my eyes meet Asher's first then travel to Noah's and a pang shoots through me. I give them a small, tight smile that I know doesn't reach my eyes, as we walk out the door.