Recovery- Loki x Reader (Female)

chapter 29

author's note: hey guys, i know i haven't posted in awhile. there are three main factor; my mental health, writer's block, and my puppies. but we don't have to get into that. thank you guys for over 30K reads!!! that is crazy! thank you for reading my book this far, it means a lot to me! there is going to be another little note/announcement on the bottom of the chapter so please stick around for it! anyways, enjoy this chapter :)

Your Pov: 

Yesterday had been so great that you thought today would be better, but it wasn't. You felt worse. Not physically worse but mentally you were declining. Currently, Loki and you were lying on the couch, reading. Normally, this would be your perfect afternoon, just sitting around and reading. But today, all you felt like doing was laying in your bed and doing absolutely nothing. The only reason why you weren't doing that was because you didn't want to worry Loki. 

All day had been great, but almost every hour he had asked you if you were okay. You appreciated it, but it made you feel like he thought you were fragile. You thought he thought you were fragile. He wouldn't let you do anything even a little bit strenuous. The only thing he let you do was walk to the bathroom, he didn't even let you feed yourself. At this rate you were going to lose it. You had been reading the same sentence for the last ten minutes and finally had enough of it and decided to go to the bathroom. Going to the bathroom had been your escape from Loki. You felt bad even thinking that but its what you felt. 

I am going to the bathroom. 

You said to him telepathically as you got up. You set your book down on the couch and made your way to the bathroom, not even waiting for his response. 

As soon as you closed the bathroom door, you breathed a sigh of relief you no longer had to put on a show. Your fake smile dropped and your shoulders slumped. To be honest you didn't even have to go to the bathroom. 

You walked over to your sink and splashed some water on your face to wake you up a little bit, but that never worked. You tried it almost every time you went in there and it hasn't worked once, all it does is make your sleeves wet.  

As you were drying your face off with the hand towel, you felt your eyes well up with tears, tears of frustration. You were frustrated that you had to go to the damn bathroom to feel any sort of peace. You knew Loki was just trying to help you, but it felt like you were suffocating. 

You angrily wiped your tears away and more just showed up. Every time you wiped one away, two more fell until you couldn't control your anger anymore. You didn't want to hit anything, you just needed to rest for a little bit, so, you turned away from the mirror and slid your back down the counter until you felt your body hit the floor. You brought your knees up to your chest to muffle your cries and let it all out. You didn't want Loki to hear you though so you turned on the faucet behind you. 

"F-F.R.I.D.A.Y. please lock the door" you said. You thought you were going to be alone for just a little bit until you saw a green shimmer appear from the corner of your eye. 

You suddenly felt your body being pulled towards Loki. You knew he was trying to comfort you, but all you wanted was to be alone, it was what you were used to. All your life you never relied on anyone, so the thought of doing it now felt so foreign. 

As soon as you felt your body moving, you left his grasp and stood on your own feet. 

"F.R.I.D.A.Y. unlock the door." you stated. But as soon as your hand went to grasp the doorknob, Loki's hand pressed the door closed. You were both currently facing the door, not being able to see the others face. 

You slowly brought your forehead towards the door and took deep breaths. 

"What is wrong?" you heard Loki ask. 

"I'm fine." you said in a small voice. You weren't being honest at all, but you hoped Loki wouldn't be able to see through your lie. 

"Can I have the truth? You are not fine, darling." he said as he removed his hand from the door. 

You stayed facing the door because if you looked at him, you knew you would lie again. 

"I am so fucking tired." you said as you felt another tear fall down your cheek. It was the truth. 

"Then let's go lie down." he responded. 

"I'm not that kind of tired Loki." you said. He didn't say anything after that and you took it as your opportunity to tell him the whole truth.

"Loki, I appreciate you so much, you have to know that. I am so lucky that you are taking care of me, but it feels like I am drowning. I can't even breathe without making sure I don't sound too sad first or the breath is too long. I feel like if I move the wrong way or do the wrong thing that you won't leave me alone. I have to go the god damn bathroom to even have a little bit of peace, where I can finally not put on a show anymore and feel like I'm not being watched or judged. I'm not some piece of damn glass that will break with the slightest bit of impact. You won't even let me feed myself." you said. You took a deep breath and continued. 

"I need to be able to breathe without being scared that it will sound wrong. I need to be alone for a bit. To think. I just need a little space." you said. 

You finally turned around to see Loki's face and you saw a tear fall. He quickly wiped it off and cleared his throat. 

"I was only trying to take care of you. If you want some time to think, then fine I'll give all you all the time this world has to offer. Come talk to me when you have had enough fucking space." he responded coldly. 

You flinched at his tone, he didn't sound like your Loki, he sounded angry. You thought what you told him wasn't that bad, you just needed a little space to think. 

He quickly put on his hard exterior and teleported away from your room without even letting you respond.

So now here you were, alone again, which is what you wanted, but not like this. And all you could do was cry. 

sooooooooooo they had their first fight. also i dont like how this chapter came out so i might be editing it later. 

anyways, so regarding the whole smut thing. do you guys want it in this story? if i was going to write it, it wouldn't be hardcore smut, just like a less detailed version if that makes sense. so let me know if you guys want that sort of thing. 

on another note, how many chapters do you guys want? i was thinking maybe 50 ish? idk, im just basing it off what i think will work so let me know!