The Moments I Recall

CHAPTER 19 ⅔

We sit on the railroad throwing stones at the old sign. The sun is starting to rise from the east, emitting hazy orange and pink colour all through the sky. Not that is matters, the sun rises all the time buddy.

"Whatchu gonna do Ray?" Xavier asks. "After this summer we'll be seniors."

"I already talked to Jessie and we are gonna do everything to shut down the camp this senior year." He tells him. "I might spend the rest of my life trying since I can't leave."

"I'm leaving before the start of senior year." He uttered. "I found a place I can go, and after that, I can go anywhere I want to, be anyone I want to be."

"Woah why am I only hearing of this just now?" Coby asks, I feel his brows close in over his eyes. "I knew you didn't like it here, but Black Barrow isn't so bad. At least finish senior year with me."

"I can't. Not here." He turns away from Coby.

"Xavier, I keep telling you man, whatever that's going on in your head can't be as crazy as mine. I wouldn't have survived it to senior year without you Xavier." We both know Xavier has changed more than anyone else here, he knows something we don't.

"I know." Xavier half smiles, but his eyes waver away from our gaze. Alixavier taught me that we didn't have to be dismissive and angry all the time as he slowly became exactly what I was before him and Coby.

"If you want to leave then I won't stop you, but you should know, I do love you so don't skip without saying goodbye okay?" Coby tells him throwing a stone. He turns to finally face Coby and Coby does the same. Just now everything feels like a decade of events, every memory evidence of more than what I had expected from them both. This moment lasting the longest out of almost three years worth. A shared look so different from every other time and me rambling on like.... Coby Ray intercepting my thoughts. They hold this gaze for a while before Alix moves in pressing his lips against Coby's. I make it sound casual than it is. Coby holds his breath, catching us both off guard, I'm even more surprised at the fact that he doesn't pull away. Instead, he kisses him back. I have never kissed a guy before and technically this doesn't count but the whole experience is still weird for me. It's awkward in Coby's head too, like I walked in on some years worth of slow burning gay tension. Xavier pulls away and stares down at the rocks beneath us.

"Why'd you do that?" Xavier asks quietly.

"What do you mean?" Coby asks back.

"We both know you not into guys Coby Ray." Yeah, because that was one awkward conversation with Jenifer I was not ready to have.

"Yeah, but apparently you are." Coby smiles at him. "I told you you're my best friend and if I have to be the first guy you kiss then so be it man, but I need you to say it."

"Say... what?" Xavier asks.

"Come on Xavier just say it." He laughs.

"I don't know whatchu want me to say." Xavier tells him still staring down at his shoes.

"You are gay Alixavier Woods, you like guys." Coby smiles. "And for some reason you thought you had to keep it from me."

"You were gone for a long time Ray." There's a pang in our chest. Coby forgot he spent seven years away. They didn't grow together like they were supposed to. Coming back and just picking up from where he'd left off was too easy. His world let him, molded around him, made for him. Alixavier Woods was different. The world resented Alixavier Woods, strung him along on a leash and fixed a smile on his face all for him. This hurt Coby more than anything. He understood something we didn't.

"Since when did your eyes glow Coby Ray." Xavier's eyebrows hunched over his eyes.

"You don't have to tell the world, just tell me." Coby continues.

"Coby seriously your eyes were just...."

"Alixavier." Coby says. Xavier stops and looks away down towards the endless metal tracks.

"I'm gay." Alix mutters. "I like guys." We wait for him to face us again. It takes him a while but Coby smiles when he does.

"Thank you for being here Xavier," he tells his best friend for first and last time. Xavier smiles the type of smile Coby hadn't seen from his best friend in seven years.

"Oh J.P I am sorry man," Xavier laughs.

"It's cool." I tell him. He couldn't hear me, but I meant this. I would do anything for these two.

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She stares up at the sky above, the suns rays leaking through her fingers as she shields her eyes, smiling at clouds that go past in the wind. He just stares at her, knowing he can't tell her any more than what he wants her to know. He's gotten too comfortable. If he had still been at camp, with her he was sure to end up paralysed in a state. Memories of a term a girl who talked in her sleep once told me whisper in the back of our subconscious.

"Spaced?" I repeat after the whisper. I let the memory leave me. I'm convinced I have fallen in love with Jennifer. Time has decided to stand still in this moment as we lay on the hood of Jennifer's car on the Campbell's field. We have done this a hundred times but each time, Coby Ray does not look up at the sky. It will remind him of what is. A thin transparent dome with a green tint covers the town and only his eyes can see. So instead, he watches the girl blindly admire the simulated sky, knowing he can only let her believe what they want her to believe.

"He sounds pretty cool." She says turning to face us.

"You don't believe me." Coby smiles simply happy he's here.

"No, I believe you, how could I not after everything." She tells him. "Jessie Price."

"Jennifer I lo..."

"Did you guys talk to Chief, He might not remember but I figured J.P wanted to talk to his dad right?"

"No, he doesn't want to." Coby says. If she didn't interrupt him, he would've told her. I may have feelings for her, but I wouldn't do that to him. Not that I can anyway.

"Did something happen?" JJ asks. I would encourage him to try again, but I know Coby. He waits for the perfect moment when no moment is ever perfect for Coby Ray.

"I don't know, he never told me." Coby lies, turning to face the fake sky. In this moment, time starts moving again. And I didn't know it at the time, but the camp affected, 18-year-old, once cowardly, copper haired boy with the 17-year-old stuck in his head realises what he needs to do.

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