Random Thoughts

Silent Tears

I write, then I delete because words can't describe what I am feeling now... I usually find it hard to have a good introductory sentence, but it was never hard like this time... I lost my dad three weeks ago and I still sometimes can't believe it... I want to call him, and I really want to hug him

I think now I understood how much pain can be caused when you lose someone very close to you...And I think it is a daughter's nightmare to lose her father.. no daddy's kiss or a father's touch.. just an empty house and an empty chair... and a father's love is no longer there... many memories just got stuck in my mind, the times we shared, the laughs we had, I just realized that all I have to hold is only memories of what once was you...the last hug, the last kiss, the last goodbye and I'm here going on sadly for your leaving

I just realized that losing a dad will change your life forever no matter how old are you.. it will change you forever... you will never get over the loss, you will never forget him, but you will learn to live with pain in your heart... and for sure, he will never be far from your thoughts... and every night, I told God to tell you how much I miss you and love you... I told God to tell you that I hold you in my heart and there you will remain to walk with me throughout my whole adventures in life... until we meet again there in heaven where you belong Dad

At night, I know that I must go to bed and try to get some sleep and rest but lately, I don't sleep at night... I don't sleep at all, because every time I woke up and I find that what I lived is not a dream I feel weaker... I hug my pillow, I cry without sound... so no one can hear me...others see me during the daytime and think I'm doing well, but who knows how I feel from the inside.. but only at night, I enter my own hell...time won't heal my pain as they all say... nobody and nothing can replace the feelings I feel, the fear, the sadness... so every night I'm alone in bed and I cry those silent tears...

Dear Dad,
I miss you so much, Rest In Peace Dad❤️
All love, your daughter