Random Thoughts

Bravery

The truth is life will surprise you in many ways... it will break your heart many times, it will make you feel sad, depressed, and frustrated... life will make you fall and fall till you can't stand again... Life will give you lessons that would help you to grow and build yourself tougher... but you choose if you will grow and bloom into the person you have always hoped to be... but even if you build yourself tougher than before, you will always remember the losses that you've been through... But life demands you to be tougher, stronger so you can survive in this big world once in biology class my teacher said "survival is always for the strongest". But all you need is to be brave it's not about who is the fastest car in the race or who is the strongest on the battlefield... it is about being brave enough to face the world... 

Bravery is getting up from your bed when your body wants to stay all day there... Bravery is when your heart is broken into pieces but you're trying to heal it by collecting the pieces... I'm not telling you once you are brave it will be easy and convenient, no it won't be easy... you will feel the struggle but then when you bloom into the person you wanted you will forget the struggle and the pain because you really worked hard and you deserve it... Bravery is forgiving yourself... is like letting go of the feeling of guilty...is like stretching toward the sun... is like blooming in the bright direction even if you are not aware of where you are going to or what are you going to face... but once you forgive yourself, you will believe in yourself that you can do it, you can survive and you will be the strongest... then everything will change because you will fall in love but with yourself... 

You need to try it... I'm trying I know I've been a shitty person lately but I'm trying... To love me again and to let go of the feeling of guilty... I ate ice-creams last night and I watched a sad movie and I cried a lot... I stayed awake last night and I had a coffee at 4 AM on my balcony watching people and cats some were making love, some were arguing and some were watching the streets alone from their windows... I was cursing the people who left me lately... and I was also thinking of my friends (Loor, Marah, Malak, Maisan, Dalia and 3 teachers who kept in touch with me asking me how I'm doing and about my school) that I'm so lucky to have them by my side... I was thinking of my family and how much I'm blessed to have them... I was thinking of how my little brother and I vlogged some videos when we were baking cookies... how much is lovely my sister and how lucky I am to have two beautiful nieces... I was thinking of my brothers and how lucky I am to have five funny, caring brothers... I was thinking about my mom and how she is trying hard for us... I was thinking about my dad and how much I missed him... I miss him being here to wake me up, to drive me to school, and I miss smelling his delicious breakfast every morning...

So bravery is about sharing your feelings... And yes you should love yourself... you need to stop upsetting yourself about things that won't matter in two years... I'm trying to heal my wounds and you should do that... "bravery is the quietest thing you will ever know"