'I've been watching you. I've been waiting for just the right moment...'
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Heroes aren't the good guys anymore. The laws have changed. If a hero saves your life, they own you. And sometimes, they might just orchestrate saving your life to subject yo...
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TW: fear, Stockholm syndrome, delusions, drugging, drug misuse, misuse of pharmaceuticals, mental health topics
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𝔼𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕪𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘'𝕤 𝕛𝕦𝕤𝕥 𝕔𝕠𝕞𝕖 𝕥𝕠𝕘𝕖𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣 𝕒𝕥 𝕝𝕒𝕤𝕥
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Y/N didn't think that that encounter had left any traces, but she was wrong. She kept thinking back on it during the days that followed. She kept thinking of Tanaka and how awkward he had gotten. And what had he meant when he said that he hoped she stayed safe and healthy? She was safe and she was healthy. She was completely fine. She was completely fine, as long as she had Shouta.
Or wasn't she? What if she wasn't? Y/N was starting to get nagging doubts and she hated it. She hated it, because she thought that maybe she wasn't loving Shouta enough anymore. Maybe she wasn't able to love him. Maybe she wasn't able to love anyone and the thought was slowly tearing her apart on the inside. She hated it. She hated thinking about it and she tried to push it aside, but the same thoughts kept coming into her head over and over again until she was on a downward spiral that left her crying and sobbing and exhausted almost every single day.
It really wasn't easy to just forget about it. It had been such a small thing but it had brought back so many memories of Y/N's life before Shouta. Memories she had pushed away, because that made it easier to accept her life as it was now. But now they were coming back to her and it wasn't as easy to push them away again. They came back so much stronger and it was getting difficult to hide that from Shouta. He was probably getting suspicious and that thought was scaring Y/N, but there was nothing she could do. At this point she was basically an open book to him.
He could read her as if he had known her for a lifetime. He knew exactly when she was scared and when she was nervous and when she was feeling sad. And he noticed that it had gotten more and more ever since she had met her old workmate in the shop. Y/N knew that he was getting concerned over it, too, and she hated it. It felt like a storm was brewing right in front of her eyes and she had absolutely no way to escape it. No way whatsoever. She just had to endure it somehow.
Y/N sometimes just wanted to scream, but she couldn't. She couldn't do anything, because Shouta was keeping a closer eye on her again and if she slipped up even once then it would be over for her. Shouta always told her that everything was fine and that they'd get through this, but Y/N was still nervous. She wasn't sure whether she could trust how calm he was. She was telling him every little thing that she was thinking of, because she was so scared of her own mind and he always seemed so understanding, but Y/N could see how much it was hurting him.
He never lashed out at her, but Y/N was scared of how long he would be able to control himself. And she desperately wanted to go back to the way things had been before, but she couldn't. All she could do was to try and deal with this somehow. And it wasn't easy. She was having doubts whether Shouta really loved her, whether she was doing the right thing by staying here, especially now that she had the possibility to leave. But then... Shouta was being so patient with her. And he loved her so much, she could see that. And she loved him, too.
Or at least she wanted to love him. She wasn't sure anymore if she could. And it wasn't even that he had done anything, she was just being stupid. She was being so stupid and she hated herself for it. The nice, numb cotton wool feeling had disappeared, too, and all that was left for her was a lot of nagging doubt and a weird new sharpness to everything in life. It was like she was feeling everything way more intently recently and Y/N didn't like it most of the time.
"Are you getting sad again?" she heard Shouta asking from the kitchen. Y/N looked up at him. She wanted to lie, she really did. She wanted to tell him that everything was fine and he didn't need to worry about her and that he could trust her and she would figure this out. But she knew that was a lie. She couldn't figure this out. She might come to the wrong conclusion and leave.
"I think so." Y/N answered quietly. She let her head hang down for a bit, but quickly sat up again when she heard Shouta's footsteps getting closer to her. Was now the time when he would lose his temper? She watched him approaching carefully, looking for any signs of anger in his face. But there were none. There were no signs of anger on his face. He just seemed worried.
"You know, you've been like that for a while now. Are you sure you're okay?" he wanted to know. Y/N shrugged.
"I don't know anymore. But there's nothing we can do, is there?" she asked. If there was anything that would make her stop feeling this sad all the time she'd take it. If there was anything that would make her feel numb again...
"Maybe you should get some help. I could talk to a doctor, see if you can get some medication... that might help. What do you think?" he replied. Medication? Y/N hadn't thought of it. Maybe that would be a good idea... maybe that would make it easier... but was that really necessary?
"So you want to send me to a doctor?"
"No, you don't have to go. I know that would stress you out way too much. I'll go for you and then you won't have to worry about a thing. Sounds good?" he said with a smile. Did it sound good? Y/N wasn't sure. Why wouldn't she go to the doctor? Surely that would be better, wouldn't it? But then again... Shouta knew better. Shouta knew what he was doing. She wasn't in her right mind at the moment anyway.
"Sure. Sounds good." she answered and forced herself to smile. Something about this was leaving a bad taste in her mouth, but she decided to ignore it. Shouta loved her and she loved him. He wouldn't do anything to harm her.
"Alright. I'll make sure to get that sorted soon. Dinner is almost ready, too. Would you mind putting out some dishes?" he asked. Y/N nodded and got up from the couch to help with dinner.
