Ravenwhore

13 Two sides to every story

Draco Malfoy's diary

December, 13th, 1994.

I walked out of herbology and saw two people flying on brooms in the distance, I thought it must have been Y/N and Cedric training as usual so I made my way down to the pitch. To where I saw Y/N and Cedric rolling around in the dirt, laughing and giggling like a couple. Then he tackled her to the floor covering his body over hers, he bloody kissed her!. I took a few steps closer to see her push him off her before he helped her up out of the mud and gave her a hug to which she definitely didn't refuse. I can't believe she's been too timing me. I knew that she did it to Zabini and Weaslebee but I thought we were different, I thought she cared. I told her things I've never told anyone. I told her about my father!, I took her to my house!, I introduced her to my parents, she was my bloody first!.,I fell for her. How could I be so stupid?. I had such a perfect reputation. "Draco Malfoy, Slytherin prince, womaniser, athlete, genius". The list goes on. Yet I threw that all away for some girl who won't even give me the time of day.

December. 15th, 1994.

I didn't go to the astronomy tower the last few days, I thought I just needed time to cool off before I confront her but then I saw them again, pushing and shoving each other and laughing whilst walking through the corridors, am I a joke?, was she really just using me?. I can't stand seeing her with another guy I just cant!. She's mine, well... I thought she was. Who am I ?, seriously who am I!?. feeling like this all over a girl?, just a stupid girl. But that's the problem, she's not just a stupid girl. She's smart, funny, caring. I feel physically sick thinking of her in his arms, thinking of her rubbing her thumb over his knuckles when they hold hands, laughing into his kisses, playing with his hair, sleeping in his bed. I need to do something to get my mind off her. I need a distraction until I forget her, or at least the pain goes away.

December, 20th, 1994.

I'm such a fucking idiot!. why, why why, did I do this, how could I have been so blind?, so selfish?. She never fucking slept with him!. now I've lost her forever. The only person who cared. I can't get the look on her face out of my head. I swear I saw something shatter in her eyes. They used to be so full of life, they lit up whenever they met mine, but I could have sworn they darkened, like the light inside of her died. I knew then and there I made a mistake. Actually no that's a lie, I knew I was making a mistake when I asked Pansie to meet me in my room. I just wanted it to go away, I just didn't want to feel that way anymore. But the things I would do to stop the way I'm feeling now. She called me Malfoy..., she really called me Malfoy. She knew it would hurt, I don't blame her. It's like all of our progress went out the window, everything we've built to get to where we were and I just burnt it down. Like she said. I'm 50 shades of fucked up.

December, 26th, 1994.

I don't know what the fuck happened, everything is so messy. All I remember is drinking before the ball so I wouldn't feel so bad when I saw her with a date she undoubtedly already had. Then I remember... oh no. I remember dancing with her, I made her so uncomfortable, she looked so scared. Oh my god Potter!. I remember repeatedly punching him. I pushed her. I can't believe I actually pushed her. I ruined her night. I ruined everything.

I woke up this morning in the hospital wing. five stitches on my cheekbone, a black eye on the same side and a broken rib which must have been healed whilst I slept but still hurt like a bitch. I need to talk to her. I need to apologise

Dear Y/N words cannot describe how ashamed of my behaviour I am. please give me a chance to explain. I am so sorry

Yours, D x

January, 1st, 1995.