Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel

- 06 - Friend with benefits

Do you ever just look at someone and this flood of emotions, feelings, and memories rushes into your soul? 

emotions, feelings, and memories of my past are what I run away from. It's what I fear. sometimes I wonder is it because I never made peace with the past. But how can I? How can I make peace with a past that has caused the eternal war in my life. which caused a war that has ruined one whole happy family. 

And Jason... he carries so much of my past. He can press play to the emotions and the feelings of my bygone days that I have pressed paused to. As much as I love to see him again, I also do fear the fact that by accepting him into my life again I will let him bring back that fragile little girl that did nothing but cause chaos. 

I met Jason when I was ten years old. we lived in the same town, went to the same school, and became instant friends. But when time passed by Jason started to look towards drugs and cigarettes at a young age to cope with his toxic father.  Which caused the end of our short but strong friendship. 

When I turned fifteen was time that my life started getting fucked up. It's when I knew why Jason started drowning himself in alcohol and drugs. Our friendship was re-built when I started going to him in need of weed or drugs to get myself high. Later on, we went out to bars and clubs. we never needed fake IDs 'cause his father owned multiple clubs around town. Then we became drinking buddies, one thing led to another and the next thing I knew was I was having pleasurable sex with my old friend who brought a flower every single morning he came to see me when we were children. It's true what say; trauma does change people. Me and Jason is living proof.  

Throughout our whole sex relationship, we never caught feelings for each other. what can I say friends with benefits do exist. I know I started having sex at a young age. I didn't lose my virginity to Jason. even though he was the first person with who I willingly had sex. 

Our whole 'friends with benefits concept ended when he went soft on me once. As most girls would be mad, I wasn't because I knew something had to be wrong. And his reason? well, that's not my story tell. 

We built a strong relationship while getting high near the river talking about how unfair and fucked up life is. When I turned sixteen my life was an utter mess and it was a time I deeply needed a friend and I was glad that I had Jason but it all ended again when he gave me the news that he was leaving town even though he promised the fact that he would never let this friendship end. He did try to carry the friendship from miles away but I was too busy letting go of every single bit of my past. I never talked to him and he gave up like I hoped he would. 

And here we are after a year having lunch and teasing hungover Emma who looked like she just woke up from the dead. 

"J, you told me that your one and only brother is coming here too. where are you hiding him?"