CHAPTER 28
Malakas na sampal ang binigay ko kay Abel. Ang lakas ng loob niyang sabihin na gusto niya akong ligawan? Pagkatapos ng lahat ng nangyari? Does he think that I'm a fool? Fool for him, fool for love?
"The nerve of you to court me! We're not the same, Abel."
Hindi ako makasarili tulad mo. Kung hindi mo iniisip ang mag-ina mo, pwes ako, inaalala ko sila!
"Ganyan ka ba talaga kababaw na tao? Na pagkatapos ng lahat, tatanungin mo pa ako ng ganyan? Sa tingin mo ba magpapakababa ako para sayo?" Galit kong singhal na ngayon ay nakatayo na rin.
"Sobra ba talaga ang galit mo sa akin na hanggang ngayon, kinamumuhian mo pa rin ako?"
"Oo, Abel!" Mariin akong pumikit. "Galit ako sayo! Hinding-hindi mo na matatama ang lahat kaya huwag na natin balikan! Kahit anong gawin mo, hindi na kita ulit magugustuhan! Ayoko na sayo Abel. Sa apat na taon na hindi kita nakikita, Hindi kita kailanman hinanap."
Umawang ang labi niya. Namutawi ang kirot sa mga mata ni Abel. Kung siya nasaktan, ako nasasaktan. Nasasaktan dahil Hanggang ngayon nararamdaman ko pa rin ang panghihinayang at pagmamahal para sa kanya.
Bakit kailangan niyang sagarin ang pasensya ko? Hindi na namin dapat pag-usapan ito dahil hindi na rin naman mahalaga. Lumipas na. Nakaraan na.
Before, I couldn't imagine how can someone be sure that they love a person. How can they say they love one when they didn't even spend a lifetime with this person. I'm never been sure before how much I love him. I thought it's just a simple attraction. So simple that i can easily fade away.
But if my love for him is shallow, then why I'm still in love with him despite everything that happened? Why is my love greater than the pain he has given me? Why I'm willing to give up my love for his own peace and happiness? Love can foster in a small amount of time. Kapag tinamaan ka. Tatamaan ka talaga.
Masakit. Ang dami kong sakripisyo para sa kanya pero hindi ko na 'yon dapat sabihin at ipangalandakan. I choose that pathway. I choose to sacrifice things so I shouldn't Brag about it. Kusang loob ko 'yong ginawa. Gusto ko lang na tulungan niya akong makalimot na ng tuluyan.
"Hindi ba pwedeng lubayan mo na lang ako, Abel? Can you please.... Please help me forget about you? Huwag mo na sana akong pahirapan!" Niyanig ang boses ko. Lumunok ako ng ilang beses para pigilan ang mga luha.
They say in love, it's either you fight for it or you give it up. But in my case, I choose both. I fight for my love for Abel by choosing to let him go.
Everything turns upside down the day when my Mother brings me back to Manila. Abel denied the accusations but my Mother still didn't believe him. My mom is having her panic attacks that's why I decided to come with her just to stop the commotion in Hacienda. I want to protect Abel in my own little way.
"Dad! Please, I want to see him again. I want to talk to him."
I kneeled in front of my father while crying. I grabbed the hem of his shirt and begged. Isang linggo na akong nasa manila. I want to see Abel. I want to see him badly.
"Stop that Luan! He's not even worth it! Makakalimutan mo rin siya." I titled my head.
Hindi ko pinansin si Mommy. Alam kong wala naman talaga siyang sasabihing maganda kay Abel kaya bakit ko pa Siya pakinggan? My last hope is my Father. He's a man of wisdom. He's fair and has right prejudices.
"I'm sorry, Hija." Malungkot na sabi ni Daddy.
Humagulgol ako. Minsan ko lang maramdaman na tanggap ako. Minsan ko lang maramdaman na may kayang magtiis sa akin, ngayon ilalayo din pala nila ako? Pagkatapos nila akong dalhin sa Hacienda Del-cojuanco, pagkatapos kong magustuhan si Abel, saka nila ako ilalayo sa kanya! Kung kailangan natuto na rin akong mag mahal ng totoo, mas malalim at may kahulugan.
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