My Girl

56 | last hope

My legs bring me further to the park at the center of the apartment. It's morning, but there aren't many people occupying the place, since it's weekdays and most of the children are at school.

My eyes dart on Mr. Lee, who's sitting on a bench. I approach him, nodding slightly at some people who greet me. They look surprised that I'm finally back here again after two years.

I take a seat beside Mr. Lee, and the old man sighs, knowing that it's me. Silence creeps between us for a while, but I can't hold back the curiosity consuming my mind.

"So, you met Amelia?" I ask. There's no way that Amy would look for him, so he must have come to her. "Did you go all the way to New York to see her?"

I've figured out that he must have found her through the recent articles about us on the media.

I didn't expect that he would do that to tell her what happened to Jasmine, especially without telling me first.

"I had to," Mr. Lee answers shortly, which doesn't stop me from wondering why he did that.

Perhaps, he'd found that I was cruel for kicking Amy out of my penthouse, and so he had to tell her about everything. I was indeed cruel to her. I'd made a terrible mistake. That time, all I could think about was her betrayal, and Jasmine's death.

The sound of the leaves blown by the wind fills the air. It's calming, but it doesn't wash away the pain I'm feeling. Every second I spend without Amy by my side feels so wrong, but to be with her is equally, painfully wrong.

I understand why Amy walked away from me a few days ago. It's hard for us to go back to the way we were.

"What are you going to do now?" Mr. Lee's question breaks the silence, but sadly, I don't have an answer to that.

"I don't know." My voice is small, and the frustration begins to eat me again.

"What does your heart say, Cal?"

Silence falls again as another breeze blows through my skin.

My heart always knows what it wants. It wants Amy. It always does, even after all that has happened. Just as I said to her two years ago, it never lets her out, not even for a second, not even during these past two years.

"Jasmine would want you to be happy," Mr. Lee says, as though he can sense what's bothering my mind. My guilt. My pain. "Have you ever thought of what she would say if she were here with us?"

My chest tightens as I remember how my little sister cared about me. Even though it's painful to remember, she indeed loved me very much.

"Even if I forgave myself, Amy wouldn't allow us to be together," I say truthfully.

Even if I did forgive myself for what I did to Jasmine, and her, Amy still couldn't forgive herself. The only person who can save Amy is Jasmine, but she's no longer in this world.

Mr. Lee lets out a long sigh, his eyes narrowed at something far away.

"Have faith, Cal," he says in a soothing voice. "Have faith."

A few weeks have passed since I went back home from Florida. While I'm washing the dishes in my apartment kitchen, the news on the TV catches my attention.

"It is such delightful news that Cal Jackson has just embarked on his European tour. All the tickets are already sold out, and fans are absolutely excited to experience his live music concert."

I sigh and shift my attention back to the bowl I'm washing. Indeed, Cal is on tour now.

He texted me before boarding the plane, letting me know that he would be away from the country for quite some time.

After I finish putting the plates into the drying rack, I let out another sigh and turn around, only to find Mom approaching me. Worry skates all over her face, and I want to escape her, just like what I've been doing for these past few weeks. So I walk away, ignoring her, and that's when she calls me.

"Mia." Her voice is shaking, pleading.

I stop in my track, shutting my eyes in frustration. I don't feel like facing her, but I realize that I've been giving her silent treatment for weeks. Maybe it's time for me to let her talk to me. I know that I can't do this forever.

With a heavy heart, I turn around.

"You've been avoiding me." Sadness crosses her expression.

All this time, I've accepted the fact that my parents kept me away from Cal and tore our relationship apart, but after knowing about Jasmine's death, I just can't take it anymore. The anger and heartbreak have built up inside me far greater than before, although I know that this won't ever change anything.

"You don't even want to look at me since you came back from Florida." Mom stares at me with unshed tears. "I know that you met Cal again there."

My lips form into a thin line, my chest heaving up and down. I don't say anything back yet because I'm afraid that I will explode the moment I do.

"Did you..." she falters, as though she's afraid to continue the topic. "Did you talk again about what happened two years ago?" Tears spring to her eyes. "Did he tell you about what your father said?"

I don't even want to think about it, because it hurts so much to have such ill thoughts about Dad, who is no longer in this world.

But then, Dad and Cal wouldn't have been in that park if I hadn't run away from home to be with Cal instead of my family, who had raised me, took care of me, and showered me with love since the day I was born. I'd pushed my parents to their limit. And Jasmine's death was the result of all of this mess.

I don't even realize that I'm crying until Mom wipes the tears rolling down my cheeks. Her face is also wet with tears, only sadness found in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she croaks. "I'm sorry that we hurt both of you so badly. I just want you to know that your father loved you dearly. So, so much. He did what he thought was best for you that time. He was trying to protect you."

Before I can utter any word, Mom crushes me with a tight hug, wailing with pain. Her fragile body is shaking, and when I think that she's about to collapse, she holds on to me with all the power she has.

More of my tears fall, effortlessly, and the only sound that echoes in the room is her sobs.