The Daddy Club | 5sos au

Want To Be

Calum

I was unbelievably confused. About almost everything that had happened today. Not only did I find out I was a father, my three best friends did as well. And this was all before dinner.

I couldn't believe Luke. He was being an idiot. Not even someone I want to associate with. How can you just choose not to be in your child's life? How can you just decide not to be there for the mother of your baby, a girl you knocked up? I didn't get that choice. That choice and decision was made for me. And because of that I was pissed.

"Do you think Luke will come home tonight?" Michael asks me from the other couch.

"He better not." I growl.

Michael and I came home from Ashton's a good hour ago, when Sophie started crying. I think it freaked the rest of us out so we all just left. Michael tried to get Bella to spend the night here but she said she had to go and be there for Karlie, which is understandable. It stop Michael though from having a little hissy fit, then yelling at Luke because he didn't want to yell at Bella. So then I started yelling at Luke and because we were outside and not near Sophie we were a lot worse. I thought we were going to make him cry, but that didn't stop us. So he left. In the middle of us yelling at him about how lazy, and cowardly, and pathetic, and selfish he was, he just left. Now we have no idea where he is. And even if it makes me sound bad I don't care.

Michael lets out a big sigh. We had tried eating, we had tried watching TV, listening to music. We even went to writing music for me, Michael, Luke and Ashton's imaginary band! Something we made up years ago and only ever got together to do pretty fucking awful covers. We just couldn't distract ourselves. And now the house was a mess.

"I'm probably going to need to move out." Michael tells me.

"Why?" I sit up straight.

"Well," Michael lets out another huge and dramatic sigh. "I should probably move in with Bella whilst she is pregnant and then we can find a bigger place when she has the baby and, yeah." Michael sighs for the third time.

"You're going to leave me here with him?" I spit.

"No, well yeah." Michael says slowly and roll my eyes and slump back down again in my seat and think about all the ways I could kill Luke in his sleep. "But," Michael gets my attention again. "You'll also have Talia. You need the extra bedroom, and now you have one!"

"Oh," I had been thinking a lot about my friends, so I completely forgot about me and my situation. I don't even know what to do.

Becca said if I want to be involved I can. She never gave me a real reason why she kept Talia from me. She just told me that it wasn't too bad raisin her by herself. Mia, Bella and Karlie knew, so obviously I kinda went off on one about that. Then stopped because Talia was sitting with us in the little park I used to take Becca to for ice cream. She cried, I'm not going to deny that I did as well. It was a lot to take in. I had just fainted as well so I was a little dazed. Becca said I don't have to be involved now, just because I know about her. I don't have to do anything. I don't have to have her staying over at mine if I don't want. I don't have to send money now I know about her. I don't have to start taking her on the weekends, take her to baby-ballet, take her to doctors appointments, anything a dad would do. I don't need to. I don't have to. If I don't want to.

But I do want to.

She's my daughter and now that I know about her I can't ignore her. I can't just push my feelings aside. Because the truth is, I've known about her for what? Six, seven hours... something like that. And I can't help but feel a bind with her. She say on my lap, she squeezed my cheeks. She hear becca call me Calum so Talia called me Calmum. Calmum. That's cute and everything but that's not what I want Talia to call me. I want Talia to have my second name, which I know she probably doesn't. I want her to know who I am. I want to have her staying here. I want to pay for things for her. I want to have her in weekends, I want to take her to ballet and see all her shows, I want to take her to appointments so that I know everything is okay with my little girl. I want to be her dad. I love her. I love her so much and I just can't explain it. I just can't wrap my head around how I was able to only just meet her and feel so much love for her. I'm her dad, and that's what I plan to be.

"Thank you." I say to Michael. I know he is isn't leaving just so Talia would have a room here, he is doing it for himself as well.

"It fine." Michael shrugs. "Are you okay?"

"Are you?" I counter back with. I didn't want to talk about me. I'm worried that everything I just thought about is showing on my face.

"Calum, seriously." Michael says sternly and now it's my turn to sigh.

"I dunno." I say. "Because I'm just... just so confused."

"Are you mad?" Michael asks.

"At Becca?" I ask and Michael nods. "Hell yeah." Michael lets out a little chuckle. "She could've told me, she should've told me."

"Good. she deserves you to be mad at her." Michael says. "You're going to be an amazing dad."

I shake my head. "I never wanted kids."

"That doesn't matter." Michael says quickly.

"You didn't let me finish." I tell him. "I never wanted kids. But I'm so happy I have one."

Michael smiles at me. "Cal, I'm so happy for you."

"Yeah," I sigh and sit back in my chair. All of a sudden a little guitar riff pops into my head. I have no idea where it came from it just starts. "Michael pass me a piece of paper." I say suddenly, scaring him. "And a pencil."

"Okay?" Michael says unsurely. He throws me one of the scrunches up balls on the floor and the pen lying down beside it.

"Not what I meant by paper but thanks." I open it up and see some stupid lyrics I came up with earlier. But then I think of the riff and put the two together and there it is. Something good for once.

I jump up suddenly, taking the the paper with me.

"Where are you going?" Michael says with worry.

"I have a song!" I announce happily.

"Yeah, we've had multiple songs, none of them good." Michael yells to me.

"This one will be." I tell him.

It will be. I've decided that this is the song. This is our song. The one we need.