Playing The Risk - Book One in The WSU Series

- Chapter Fifty-Eight -

Just before my mom died she loved the view of Pullman. There's a viewpoint on the edge of town where you can go and sit, we used to go as often as we could.

She loved the peace it gave her.

God— she loved Pullman. It's a Friday night and I'm sitting on a bench overlooking the town. The distance sounds of cars and the street lights brighten up the roads.

"Fuck— I miss you." The death of my mom never really hit me, I know I miss her and I'm lost without her but I haven't cried. The night at the hospital after losing her, I went home that night feeling lost but I never cried. "Guess I am an orphan now." I try to joke but even that doesn't crack a smile. I know I'm not alone, I have the girls, Roma, and even the boys but I don't have my mom. "I think Liv misses you."

Liv never had a mom growing up, she left when Liv was around ten years old and five years later her dad remarried. She does have some sort of affection for her stepmom but she did see my mom as a mother figure. Despite Liv being born in New York and raised there for the beginning of her life she moved to Pullman when she was twelve and ever since meeting me and the girls she's refused to move back ever since.

"I had a pregnancy scare the other day." Jesus. If my mom could see me now.

I'm not pregnant. Thank God. I got my period this morning, the only time I'm grateful for it.

I can't raise a child just yet. Hopefully one day.

"Imagine me being a mom." I look up towards the sky to see the stars and moon shine, I always preferred the night. For all its faults, Earth is really beautiful. "I'm so angry— I have no right to be." I lean back into the bench, running a hand through my tangled hair. The wind beginning to pick up. "I fucking miss you." I never buried my mom she didn't want to be stuck in the ground. We used to argue because I said I'd come to visit every week and place new flowers but she would get so annoyed. She used to say "Eleonora I don't want you to come to visit me and talk to me especially when you won't be able to hear me answer."

That was her wish, so I respected her. We've cremated her, she asked if I could spread them in the right place. I knew this was the right place— looking over the town.

"Gomez?"

I whip my head around to see Hayden standing at the hood of his car watching me. I was so in my thoughts I never even heard his car. "Hey..." It doesn't surprise me that he knows of this place but I am confused why he's here on a Friday night. "I thought you might need some company." He heads toward me before sitting at my side of me. "I know you told Roma you were staying home but when the girls showed up at the party without you I headed over there and you never answered the door." He shrugs while looking out into the town below, "I went to Starbucks, Sweetest Delights, and then traveled over here."