Achilles Heel |h.s|

34. Astar - The Tower

It's been four days since the incident. Four days of eating my weight in ice cream. Four days of my pillow becoming drenched in my tears. Four days of me writing texts to Harry only to erase them and never send them. Four days of me staring at the tv but never turning it on. Four days of Sapphire coming over to clean my wounds, usually the ones on my back since I'm unable to reach around myself. Four days of some of the boys coming over to see how I'm doing. All of the boys have visited except Harry.

Today I need a change of scenery though and we have all decided to give the fair a shot. No work. No guns. No MI6. Today I'm Astar. Not the made-up version that MI6 made up of me for this mission or any other missions. Do I even know who I am?

Who am I? Am I Astar Lennox? Am I Charlotte Evans of New Hampshire? Am I Mia Evanshaw? My other identities fly around my head as I try to figure out who I really am.

Am I a clusterfuck of my other identities or am I being me? Or have all of my identities slowly but surely become a part of me? Will anyone ever really know me?

Will I ever know me?

Eventually, I've had enough of wallowing and start pushing myself up from the bed, making my way towards the en suite. Once I step inside, I run myself a hot bath. I make sure to add a light pink bath bomb and sprinkle some lavender Epsom salt on the bottom, placing a face mask over my face before I'm sinking down into the tub. The water hits my chin and then I stop, resting my feet against the tap.

There's no telling how long I sit there but eventually, there's someone knocking on the bathroom door and Sapphire welcomes herself in with my change of clothes in her hands. It's something simple since we're going to the fair and I want to be comfortable. I move to push myself up out of the tub, noticing that the pads of my fingers were starting to prune.

Sapphire doesn't say anything. She just places my clothes down on the countertop before exiting. Eventually, I move to dry myself off and brush my teeth before pulling on a pair of light-wash jeans with a tight, beige crop top. Upon exiting the bathroom, I stop at my closet to grab a matching coloured cardigan and slip it over my arms before I meet everyone downstairs since they were waiting for me.

"Hey," Louis' breathes, being the first one to step up to me and wrap his arm around my shoulders and lead me out to where Oliver is patiently waiting for all of us to climb into the car.

The drive to the fair was a short one since it was in Central London. Harry wasn't in the car with us and I personally thought it was pathetic of him, but then I remembered that this works both ways.

The second my feet made contact with the pavement below, I was immediately enraptured by the lights from the fair. Everything's so loud and lively. I couldn't believe my eyes. This is my first time attending something like this.

The wide smiles that everyone is sporting caught me off guard. The smell of sweets. The smell of cinnamon. The sound of shrieking kids. The sounds of couples laughing.

I currently have my best friend with me and my boys. I know that I'll be more than alright.

The boys are already walking ahead without me, everyone except Zayn because for some reason he just seems to know and he stands there with me for just a moment.

"Pretty, isn't it?" he questions, moving to grab my hand to give it a squeeze just to let me know that he's there and he understands. Or at least that's what only I can assume.

"You know, I have the entire night planned out for us. I hope you didn't have anything planned," he hums, starting to pull me into the fair. My eyes follow every light. Every little kid that is happily tugging a massive stuffie with them. Every couple that wears bright smiles. The ones that have leftover powdered sugar on their faces from the funnel cakes. I can't help it. They're all the embodiment of pure happiness, something I yearn to feel for once in my life. Just once.