It was under control

twenty

Right wing, first staircase, second stair.

"Have you had any recent thoughts of harming yourself?" Is he being serious right now?

"Doctor Carson. Do you know who you are talking to right now?"

"Yes, Jules, I do know who i'm talking to. You are sat right in front of me."

"I thought you were a smart man."

"And I thought you were going to cooperate with me today."

"That was a stupid question."

"Not really, I can't read your mind Jules. So tell me, have you recently thought about harming yourself?"

"Of course I have. I think about it all the time. Walking down the hallway, I think about hitting my head against the hard ground or wall. No one would react in time. I think when I take my medication, to store it until I can overdose. Every time I see a sharp object, it gets harder and harder to resist hurting myself with it."

"Thank you for being so open with me Jules. And thank you for explaining with honesty how you feel. I want to help you the best I can, but to do that I need you to want to accept help. I'm wondering if you have noticed a decrease in these thoughts throughout your stay here? Or maybe they have increased?"

"I don't know, it depends on the day."

"That makes sense, how about yesterday?"

"What about it?"

"Did you have a strong urge to harm yourself?"

"Yeah, it was very strong."

"You had a tough day, that is understandable, how about today?"

"I've had nothing to really trigger me to hurt myself today."

"Usually when in here, you are very much restricted when trying to harm yourself. So when you can't hurt yourself, what do you find yourself doing?"

"I'll find a way."

"Right... but if you can't? Say you have a 1:1 with you?"

"I probably just get irritated, or sit with the thoughts as they eat away at me." Jules smiled sarcastically.

"And do you think that is healthy?"

"I wouldn't be in this shit hole, if I did things healthily."

"Very true, do you think you are helping yourself get better, by doing that?"

"By self harming?"

"No, sorry if I didn't make that clear. Do you think you are helping yourself get better with just sitting with your thoughts, until you can't take it?"

"Probably not."

"What do you think you should do?"

"Talk to someone."

"Yeah, so you know what to do, why don't you?"