It was under control

thirteen

The splashes of blood as they hit the white tiled floor beneath Jules, dripping until there was nothing left watching as she lay in a pool of her own blood, the warmth of the blood as it flowed out of her like a waterfall, watching as her own life left her body. I can hear the already distant beating of Jules's heart fade even further until there was nothing. Just the silence of what she was going to leave behind. The tiles cradle Jules's lifeless body as her memories fizzle out and the flashbacks become nonexistent.

The blunt silver trailing over her crackled dry skin as Jules tried to hold back the intrusive thoughts, to go deeper and deeper until there wad nothing left of her small and feeble body. The addiction becomes too real, it's the point where you look forward to it, that's when you know there is no escape. Oh how I miss the sweet little Jules that used to shiver even at the sight of the silver blade on the kitchen side.

Jules's eyesight turned blurry, almost as though she was zoning out, until you could hear the crash and banging of the door being opened. They all seemed to stumble through the small passage way, however she was too much in her own head to make out the whole situation. Her eyes were becoming watering from staring too long and they began to sting. Someone ripped something out of Jules's hand, and for a second she attempted to lunge forward to retrieve it, but was held back by a strong grip. Someone cradled her in their arms, trying to calm the now hyperventilating teenager, who seemed to mirror the same breathing rate as the person holding her tightly.

"What were you thinking child?" A stern voice erupted, "you could have serious injured yourself! You have broken every single rule of this psychiatric ward. Did you even think Julianna? Did you?" By now I believe you probably know who this character is, so I will let your own mind decide how you feel about his reaction.

"Doctor White!" A low voice whispered, angrily into the atmosphere, "enough!" They hushed out again. "Jules? Can you look at me please." This wasn't a whisper this time, louder but more of a calm tone. Jules was biting her nails nervously, tears rolling down her face, and a small jolt to the head could be noted, from the anxiety that was filling her body. The bathroom which seemed to engulf her was still fuzzy and although she could tell by their body language and the rough outline of the people in which surrounded her, the fact that they were not clear and she was unable to identify their facial expressions scared her. The depressive connotations that were crammed into her mind would no longer subside or justify being pushed to the side. So they sat front and centre in her mind.

Jules reached for the hand was was resting on the back of her head- which was to stop her head from making sudden movements, "do you want me to let go?" They asked quietly so not to frightened Jules, she shook her head slightly and began to come to her senses, rather too quickly for her own good. She shot up and it startled the person she was closest to. Jules could now see perfectly clearly the 3 men standing and crouching in her bathroom, along with a female support workers just outside. She peered down at her clean wrists and thighs. No blood in sight. Jules looked over at Tom with a confused look and then back to her wrists that she was holding out.

Tom gently placed his hand over her minuscule wrists, "it's okay, you didn't hurt yourself, you are okay Jules."

"But I-" Jules seemed disoriented and her whole mind was a mess, "I swear I, am I imagining things?" Doctor Carson unclenched one of Jules's hands and pressed his thumb in the middle of her palm.

"Can you feel that?" She nodded, "good, focus on that pressure. Did you think you cut yourself Jules?" Doctor Carson was now kneeling next to Jules's shaking body, continuing with the pressure. It's crazy what a fucked up mind and intrusive thoughts can do to you. Jules's mind had completely convinced her that she was cutting deep into her precious skin. I even convinced you of it. Didn't I? Now you are reading this, wondering what Jules really did to herself. You thought she was going to kill herself. Didn't you? You thought that was it. The end of Julianna Hart. The end of her story. On chapter 13. 13. Unlucky number. For an unlucky girl. You see Jules never got the chance to penetrate her skin, yet she imagined it. All in full detail. Every single cut, she felt like she had actually done it. And convinced everyone around her, you, and even me for a little bit; that she was well and truly killing herself.