It was under control

four

Tom

I watched as Jules fell into a deep sleep, still clutching onto my hand; it pained me to see her injured face and body lying lifeless on the hospital bed. Realisation sunk in what had actually occurred, I think I was so caught up in the moment, it felt as though I had finally taken a breath out. She is safe. Wounded but safe. Broken but safe. Jules is safe, but at what cost? I could feel my throat tightening as I took a short intake of breath, trying to contain the tears that seem to suddenly well up in my eyes, it's surreal the effect Jules has on me; I feel as though it's my duty to protect her. I never let go of her bandaged hand, she has had so many people leave her life; I couldn't bare do that to her.

The low beeping of the machines that Jules is hooked up to helped to calm my ever growing nerves. What matters most in the hospital room is not the surroundings, though they can bring a sense of calmness, it is that she feels loved, that she matters and is looked after. I want her to know that for once in her life, she is being paid attention to, that someone in this dull world actually wants her in their life.

Everything seemed peaceful, it almost felt too peaceful. Until Jules's body began to twitch, her head rocking side to side as small pleading sounds arose, almost as though she was experiencing a nightmare. I am all too familiar with Jules's nightmares, they are both physically and verbally demanding; and to be honest they frighten me slightly. Just the thought of the images she has to see, accompanied with her heartbreaking screams. It was the kind of scream the completely bypasses the ears to speak right to the heart. There is something about when she outcries and shrieks, there is a scream of the mouth and lungs, and then there is a scream of the soul and eyes. The former is distressing yes, but the latter is heart-rending and tragic, and those are the ones that usually surface.

I sat frozen still for a short period of time, hoping that she would settle down, but as I heard her incoherent sobs, while she gasped for breath and continued to wriggle around on the hospital bed; I knew I had to wake the exhausted girl up. I could hear her heavy breaths and I noticed her now clenched fists and screwed up face. "Jules." I said flatly while shaking her limp body, "Jules sweetheart wake up." In which her body responded by tears forming, as if she had accumulated the ocean of brine while it trickling down her face; whispering pleads for this all to stop. While she powerfully clutched onto her body, fists making a tight grip on her clothes and arms. "It's a nightmare Jules, wake up love, open your eyes," I continued to jolt her body awake, "it's Tom, Jules it's a nightmare you need to open your eyes."

Her forehead broke a sweat as she violently sat up, now very clearly in discomfort and a terrified look was painted on her pale, ghostly face. "Tom..." Jules whined as she fell into my chest and grabbed onto me tightly. I could feel her petite frame under my tight grasp while she shook and trembled with anxiety and fear between me.

"I'm right here, it was just a nightmare. Can you tell me what it was about love?"

"I-I don't know. I don't know." She inhaled deeply. "What's happening? What's happening Tom?"

"You are just a little confused right now, it's okay Jules, you had a nightmare that is all." I pulled away from her in order to see her blushed and blotchy face, with bloodshot eyes and sore cuts over her face. I released the hair that got caught in the corner of her mouth, with my index finger and tucked it behind her ear; she took a couple stuttered breaths as she tried to calm herself down. Jules used the palm of her hands to rub her eyes and swipe them in an upwards motion, to eliminate any stranded hairs. She now peered down at her bandaged shaking arms, pulling it back somewhat just to reveal a small sad scraggly face engraved on the side of the top of her wrist. Just as you would type the characters, but this time they were red not black, cut not typed, and caused suffering instead of hiding behind a screen.
"Jules."