It was under control

twenty seven

Jules

I watched as Sage anxiously waited at her door, she is being discharged soon and all I could feel was resentment towards her. I know we will never be friends, but to see her get to leave, while I am stuck in here torments me. I analysed her as she paced her room, blonde hair in a scruffy bun on top of her hair. Sage was no longer looking down the corridor in anticipation, but at me. I stared back at her, full of hatred and judgement. Until she came out with, "I'm sorry Jules."

I raised my eyebrows at her, "you aren't fucking sorry for anything Sage." Oh and did I forget to mention I now have a 1:1 at arms length with me 24/7. Just another thing Sage can rub in my face.

"No I really am Jules, I was horrible to you and that didn't help you in recovery. I'm sorry. I promise you I have changed. I'm not the same bratty, jealous Sage that was rude to you. I let the mental illness take ahold of me, I hated the world and I hated everyone. I was jealous of you honestly."

"Why the hell would you be jealous?"

"Because look at you Jules, you have the perfect eyes, hair, body; even if it is unhealthy. You have such a pretty smile and a personality that everyone seems to like. You get all the attention, you are very obviously Tom and Doctor Carson's favourite. They both love you like their own. I've never had that. Theo loved you, he was crazy about you. I would watch him smile and his face bright up whenever you walked into the common room. I wish someone looked at me like that. I wish I had someone like Tom in here, who cared for me as much as he does for you; the way he looks at you shows how much you mean to him. I'm sorry I let my jealously get the better of me."

I felt gobsmacked, "Sage there is absolutely nothing to be jealous about. I am not someone you should want to be. We are both stuck in this shit hole, we both need to improve. I'm sorry you never had anyone there for you, it never really even crossed my mind. I apologise for what I did as well, being in here makes you crazy ay."

She smirked, "yeah, yeah it does. I think you have grown to be a really nice person Jules. It's a shame we got off wrong, I think we could have been good friends."

"I can see you have changed as well Sage, and i'm glad about it. I'm sorry that we both spent the whole of our time angry at each other." I looked at Sage's arms and neck, mirroring the same cuts but they were scars now. We use to draw pretty lines on an ugly canvas; but now that has been stripped away from us.

"I hope you learn Jules, that you can only live your life if you get better. I'm out of here, I will never come back, I know now that none of this is worth my life. That being in a psych ward has taken up too much of my teenage life, i'm ready to start living and I hope you learn this too."

"I'm glad your mindset has changed. I wish you well Sage. Good luck on the outside. In the nicest way possible, forgetting our past, I hope to never see you again. Well in here anyway! Maybe one day we can grow to become friends."

A few months later, as I stared at Sage's empty room, that had still not been occupied by a new patient, Nate came strolling down the corridor to take me to speak to Carson. To my surprise, Doctor Carson was discussing with me a plan of action for when I leave, and even considering a discharge date; in which I never thought would actually happen. Well I mean, I knew I always had to leave this place, but honestly I didn't think I would be leaving alive, and in a much better mental state.

I was sat with Carson, as he was wrote out my plan of action, he looked up at me, of course I was sat with my legs up, and biting on the cuff of my jumper. I intensely watched his hand scribble over the paper, until I caught his eye, I scrunched my face realising that he was staring at me, and he laughed, to which I replied, "what?"