It was under control

twenty two

It's okay. Jules would whisper to herself. It's okay. But is it? She gave her whole life to Ana, she carved her whole soul into the dreadful eating disorder. But now when she needs help, she knows that she can't turn to Ana. She knows that the eating disorder will no longer help her. So as she sits on the floor of her bathroom telling herself, it's okay. Knowing that it's not really.

Oh but didn't I tell you my love? You are all alone without me... you will be crawling back eventually. You always do.

4am start was what Jules always dreaded, the morning weigh-ins and vitals every single morning was becoming tedious. Not to mention the usually disappointed face of the dietitian when she sees Jules weight. "It is improving, but not as quickly as I would like it to. I'm going to put you on a further restriction of your exercise, and see if that improves it," the dietitian said. "How much water have you drank this morning?"

"So basically what you are saying is i'm practically bed bound. Again."

"Well Jules, with all your physical, what should I call them, tantrums, you are exerting a lot of energy and I believe you are some what doing that to burn calories. And you didn't answer my question."

"Tantrums! Are you fucking kidding me?"

"We talked through your meal plan yesterday, there was no need for you to act out the way you did."

"Ah so that's why you are in a shit mood this morning." Like Jules could really speak about moods.

"No Jules, i'm just not very happy with your progress, nor you attitude towards recovering. Now I would like you to be truthful with me, how much water?"

"Yeah, yeah, fuck off."

"See you have just proven my point."

"Okay are we done?"

"Not until you tell me about how much water you have consumed."

"None at all!" Jules said through gritted teeth, as she had consumed copious amounts from the tap early this morning.

"It's very obvious you are lying to me. I will take that into account, thank you."

"That seems rather unfair. Don't you think? Ive told you I haven't drank any water."

"And I do not believe you."

"Well why the fuck not?"

"Because you are very well known for lying, aren't you Jules?"

"Bold of you to assume. Are we done here?"

"Well seems as you have completely shut yourself off from this conversation, yes, I look forward to seeing you complete your increased meal plan 100% today."

"Bitch," Jules whispered as she was escorted out of the room.

"Erm excuse me Jules, no get back in here. You do not speak to me like that." And with that, Jules sprinted, pushing past the nurse and then made it just in time when someone was going through the locked door. She squeezed past them, just as sirens began to blare at the panic of the anorexic girl running. Yet she was laughing, giggling to herself as she found it amusing. Jules felt free, her hair blowing behind her, leaving the chaos of the situation behind her. The white hallway seemed never ending, as the lights flashed in her view while she continued to run down the bare hallway. However she reached a dead end, and knew her fate, but she wasn't fazed, Jules had past the point of caring.

She held both her hands up in the air, her bandaged one standing out, as another laughing fit arose. "Jules you have been here long enough to know not to act like this," an occupational therapist stated.