HOW TO LIVE AGAIN (girlxgirlxgirl)

Yksitoista; Cries of a Goddess

"You know what they say"
11

🦚

⚠️ blood, scars, bruises, hunger, sleep deprivation, insomnia, mentions of death, death described in detail ⚠️

Eleven days after Andra's escape

"You called, sir?"

Belvedere is seated on his bed. It has silk sheets in a gold tinted color, and it feels smoother and fancier than anything he's ever seen before. He is draped over in a white gown, the kind that goes under a more formal dress. It's quite revealing and he feels cold, as the night air breezes from the open hallway. Although it's dark, it's still early evening, and Belvedere doesn't feel too bad about calling on a servant.

A girl with her hair up in a pony tail and a white servants dress has come immediately after his call for her. She looks a little worried, but is trying to hide it. It's not surprising considering how Belvedere looks at the moment. Nervous, out of place and homesick after just two days. Everything is just so different here. Nothing is the same, nothing is like how it was back at home. There he had to do everything by himself, because what makes his family different from all the other noble families, is that they don't have servants. They don't bother with all the over expensive clothing and furniture and fabric everywhere, with the absolute newest trends or oldest traditions.

Back at home, his parents value their traditions. Plants all around the house, and the furniture and fabric to a minimal. They want nature to take over their home, and the windows to be open to let fresh air stream inside all year around. They have no servants because his parents have always valued doing their own chores, and because his parents don't believe that anyone can take care of the plants, both inside and outside, as well as they can. And that's how Belvedere has been raised. To take care of himself, his chores, his education and his house like a real citizen should. And of course, he felt embarrassed and of course he loathed it.

All this time Belvedere has wanted to get rid of that lifestyle. He wanted this, he wanted the gold and clothes and jewelry and fancy furniture. He wanted the servants and the more closed in space. But Belvedere didn't realize how much of his old lifestyle was natural to him, and now he sits on his new bed, in his new home at the palace, in a room with one of his new servants, and wonders what he has gotten himself into. He doesn't like this. He can't sleep, he doesn't dare to walk outside, and thankfully he doesn't have to. The king hasn't called him to his chambers yet, so he doesn't have to walk outside to get there. The servants bring him food, so that's covered too. But he can't sleep, and nobody can fix that.

It's homesickness, it's the change of environment, and maybe it's the fear of not fitting in. All these people at the court, there's no way they'll accept him, and he has no energy left to try to prove himself anymore. He's been sleepless for two nights and it's finally starting to get to him. Everything feels worse when he can't sleep. Belvedere is frustrated to near tears, so of course, the servant is worried. But she also knows, that Belvedere is too shy to say anything at all.

"Uhm yes, I was wondering... uhm"

Belvedere is not naturally shy. He's actually quite big of a personality, always chatting people up and using his charisma to get what he wants. He flirts with the people he needs things from, and they give it to him, because he's just that beautiful. Both his looks, and his shiny personality is like a diamond. Fun to look at, fun to have. And Belvedere knows this, that's why he doesn't feel insecure or scared or shy. But suddenly after moving here, he's all alone without his connections or friends, and it feels scary. The palace is a different world compared to the outside. The people are different, the servants are different and the whole lifestyle is different.