HOW TO LIVE AGAIN (girlxgirlxgirl)

Twentysix; At fault

"Who's fault it really was is a matter of perspective "
52

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⚠️ mentions of death, death sentence, mentions of h*nging, mentions of b*heading (both words without censorship), censored swearing, weapons, violence, choking, suicidal⚠️

"Get up"

Fei feels nausea build up in her stomach, pressing up at her throat and threatening to come out the wrong way. Her world spins two times around and back when she is forced up on her feet, balance immediately giving in. She feels herself swing from side to side helplessly, and the throbbing in her head only grows worse. The headache is sharp and precise, hitting at different spots around her skull but always like knives stabbing into the bone. It would be enough to have her bend over and puke if it weren't for the person holding her up right now.

It's only been about an hour since she woke up. The fireplace that was previously there is now nothing but a pile of ash and smoke. It has started raining again, small droplets of water cooling the earth once more. Thunder there is not so much of either, its rumbling has disappeared from the skies and Fei is getting hopeful. Hopeful despite the rope around her wrists, and hopeful despite the marks on her legs, a ghostlike reminder of the harsh rope that was there too. She is hopeful because she might just get her powers back before they reach anywhere near death mountain. That would save her. She could be saved and free.

But Fei knows deep down that's not a very likely outcome. Despite the thunder and lightning leaving the heavens and heavy clouds turning to blue skies, her powers are heavily damaged by the emotional and physical exhaustion. Her head hurts and she still feels nauseous and dizzy, not very ideal for fighting and escaping. What's worse, she doesn't have that much of a will to fight anymore. The goddess feels bad about fighting for herself. She should just die, that's what she is supposed to do after all. That's what she should do.

But dying by execution for the enemy's benefit...? It doesn't sound very appealing either. Fei is unsure about what to do, how much she should fight for her life, how much she should hope. Who she should think about in these last moments of her life. Her past life with her family and dreads, or her new life with her lovers and new dreads? Should she feel lucky, getting to live another year in the human world while others who die early never get a second chance? Or should she feel unlucky that her extremely rare second chance at life was over in just twelve months time?

It's hard to wrap her head around, everything is foggy.

"We'll reach death mountain in three hours, everything should be ready there"

Fei is lead to her horse. She looks at her white horse and then back at the soldiers with confusion, not knowing what they want her to do. The man who spoke to her last time rolls his eyes, and signals carelessly with his hand towards the animal.

"Get on"

Her hands are untied after they realize her issue, and she hesitantly climbs up on the animal. Still too weak to fight back, still a bit too disoriented and sad to care. It's good to be back with her horse again though, almost as if she was still free. But they quickly tie her arms to the saddle strings of the white steed, making it impossible for her to run away from it. Then they tie another rope from his saddle strings to their own horse, to make sure she can't run away with the animal either. Fei sighs but doesn't say anything. What's the point? There is no way her powers will recover in three hours time.