Goodbye Troyler // EDITING

The Text Message

Tyler's POV

   It's been two weeks since I last saw Troye or even really talked to him. Our daily streak of waking up to morning texts or falling asleep to a Skype call has somehow gotten lost in the mix of our busy lives–Not as important to keep going. And it was killing me. It was killing me in the deepest of ways and each passing day felt like another stab to the open wound.

  I knew he was busy. No one had to tell me that. The album he's been working on was at its end and the publicity was only about to begin. I wanted to give him space, but I didn't know this was what I was signing up for. I didn't agree to this.

On New Years, when I was in Australia, it seemed to end perfectly. After the interview on Telstra SYD NYE live show, We made our way back to the hotel to just relax for the rest of the night. Connor went to his room because the less time he had to spend with me, the better. He wasn't here to fix things between us, he was here to see Troye for the New Year.

  As much as I hate to admit it, Troye and Connor had gotten extremely close. To the point where I didn't think Troye could name me as his bestfriend anymore—Connor took my place. Which for the most part, wasn't helping with the shade passing between him and I.

Connor and I haven't been on the best of terms for months now. Usually when there was YouTube meetings or get togethers we would just avoid each other, not conversing unless totally needed. For the most part it was fine up until Troye wanted to hangout with both of us. Usually I was the one to be let down.

  When I was asked to do the show with Troye a couple months back, when things were how they were before, of course I accepted, happily even. I remember calling Troye and telling him about it and the both of us talked about how it's gonna be an amazing opportunity and spending time with him was always incredible. So I guess you can assume when he asked me to hangout after the show, I quickly agreed–Giddy on the inside.

At first everything was calm and collected.We hung out in the room on Tumblr for a little bit laughing about stupid cat videos where they mistook their ability to jump over mountains and fell harshly into boxes or Troyes personal favorite, a huge lamp. It wasn't until Troye came and laid on the bed with me that everything started to get heated. At least on my part.

  After a couple seconds he rolled over and looked at me. His eyes glistening like an animated character in the movies we'd spend hours watching at my house.

"Tilly?" He asked.

I stared at his eyes that were the deepest blue I have ever seen them. They were the prettiest In the world and the Troyler fandom still hasn't forgiven me for fucking up in the boyfriend tag. I don't know if Troye has either.

" Yes Troye Sivan?" I replied smiling at him. His cheeks blushed softly and he looked down picking at his fingers, obviously nervous. I wondered what he was afraid of saying; what would make him nervous to tell me? I figured I was a pretty chill person that was an overall easy guy to talk to, but maybe our separation has affected his thoughts. 

"We never talked about the kiss." He said finally. My eyes furrowed at the random timing of the question, but the question itself not so much. I knew that this conversation would come up sometime, I just was taken by surprise I guess. So many times he has tried to bring it up and I always ran away, not ready for his take on it. I don't think I'd ever be ready to tell him honestly.

  How was I just to admit that when he walked in the room, my heart beat picked up impossibly faster? Despite our age difference, and his lack of experience with dating, I wanted to spend forever with him? To fall in love again everytime I woke up to his face in the morning. To explain that ever since I saw him, every romantic story and crazy teenage romance had no match to the intense amount of feelings I had for him.