Goodbye Troyler // EDITING

20.) Sudden Realization

Troyes POV

I stared at the disconnected Skype call for what seemed like forever. I knew that Tyler knew what has happened, but I think addressing it would be even worse. What I did was a mistake, and I just hope that somehow I could just explain it to him.

My stomach felt nauseous, my heart was in my butt, and I just overall felt incredibly sick. I imagined how much better I'd feel in Tyler's arms. How he would rub small circles on my back and tell me he loves me. I wonder if he still does.

All the sudden, a gust of anger came over me. This isn't fair. Tyler doesn't get to decide when to just take and drop me. I'm not a toy to be played with. He's the one who left me, told me to experience "the 20's." It's all a bunch of bullshit. I'm just tired of this.

With a slam of a door and keys in the ignition, I drove away leaving my worries behind.

I for 1.) was not going to be played with. 2.) sit moping around. And 3.) I'm gonna live my fucking life.

Sure I have made mistakes, I have fallen for the right guy, but took the wrong. I have left the wrong guy for the right and got left by the right guy and ended up being with the wrong guy. It's a confusing process.

So today I'm gonna write. Write down all my worries and problems in my journal and hopefully something good will come from it. Maybe a song, or a poem. God may only know.

My favorite little stream down by the city park was calling my name. It had leaves for ages and beauty as far as the eye could see. I took Tyler here once when he came to visit. That was a good- no.. I need to forget.

The dewy grass seeped through my converse and caused my socks to get wet. Which was fine, I couldn't complain.. As long as I was as far away from my home as possible.

Let me forget. The way that he breaths.

How he wraps his arms around my sleeves.

Whispering sweet melodies.

In my head as his hair flys in the breeze.

I always liked his sweet colored quiff.

How I easily felt I was jumping from a cliff.

He gave you that feeling, especially when he gave that smile.

What I would give to never here the words, I'll see you in awhile.

But this isn't a love story, because that's never true.

Trust me, i tell what I know, just like my soul is as black as a crow.

It wasn't before, he left me in the dust. Now I feel like I'm turning to rust.

--
Okay maybe poetry isn't my strong suit. It's kinda funny how I can write music and not a simple poem. I think it's just anything with Tyler that simply just fucks up my mind. And it seems I can't get him out of my mind.

I laid on the ground, not caring about the moist grass. Nothing seemed to bother me anymore. This is when Tyler would sass me by saying.." you've changed." I used to hate those words, which is surprising considering everything that came out of Tilly's mouth I was obsessed with. Tilly.

I never really explained how that name came to be. Yeah, I give everyone nicknames. But his meant a lot to me. It was a ordinary Tuesday night at the Mellet house. I was of course on tumblr waiting for Tyler to get done with a meeting. He soon did. My crush on him was extreme.

" Troye.. Hi. " he beamed. His lavender hair was messy in a few places but for the most part.. It was flawless.

" Hey Ty. How was your meeting."

He rolled his eyes before answering. " Boring like most meetings. Never grow up Troye. It's exhausting.."

A giggle escaped my mouth. " Didn't plan on it. My body got the memo though, considering it stopped at the age of 12. I'm a 5 year old mentally."

" Your 2 at most." He teased.

" In that case I better work on speaking correctly.. T-I-L-L-Y. See I can't spell your name. Tilly!"

"Tilly?" He repeated. " It's cute."

" Good. Because that's your nickname. It's been in my head ever since I met you.. Yikes it that weird." I laughed at my awkwardness.

" Troye your weird is what makes my life. I love it and you. "

That's the first time he said he loved me. Sure it didn't mean anything, he said it in a friendly way, but it could have meant something. I may not ever know.

Authors Note: Short chap excuse the long wait. I'm sorry it's so hard keeping up three stories. I'm starting to write a memoir on myself. I have a lot of things I have never told anyone and it just seems like the perfect outlet to share with the people that provide me with such happiness. I love you guys so much. Thank you for reading and making my day on a daily basis.

So thank you troyler shippers. It's just a couple of us left. Glad that I can spend it with you gorgeous humans xx.