Goodbye Troyler // EDITING

19.) Not Together

Tyler's POV

"Mr. Sivan and I are not together. We are simply platonic friends. Uh and a lot of people see the two of us and wish that we were. I think it's one of those things where we appreciate each other just as much as people want us too, and they are more then welcome to interpret that however they want, but no, we are not together."

Silently I watched the man collect his papers and stroll out of the studio leaving behind the confused boy that was in fact, Myself.

Finally I felt like shipping was under control and the fans weren't too busy thinking about Troye and I's relationship, but I guess that was just a unrealistic hope.

And the fact that the host of the show had the decency to pull up a conversation I told him I wanted to avoid. Troye was a touchy subject and I made the man understand that. Or so I thought. Maybe he just didn't care, just wanting a overal good story. Congrats dude, you just lost my respect.

When Troye called me I was a little confused considering, he rarely did. We spoke through Skype or texting.. But never over phone call. His mood was different and he seemed a bit distracted. I felt still emotional about the whole situation with how I ended it, So it took me by surprise.

His voice sounded sincere and skeptical like he was waiting for something, but as far as I knew.. It never did come. Rushing to end the call.

Troyes and my relationship has parted In the Romantic way, but the friendship end of it is still hanging on.. Barely. Let's just say that messaging wasn't consistent. And that stung a lot more then it should. Once again.. We were becoming strangers and I vowed to myself that I wouldn't let that happen. Not again.

Soon after I arrived at my hotel in London, I opened my laptop checking everything social media had to offer. Laughing at the fans obsessing over my ruff layout, and still celebrating the twink turning 20. I Found myself watching the videos his fans made him. I couldn't complain though. It touched my heart seeing the collages they made.

I debated on whether to Skype Troye or not, but deciding that I might as well, if I still want our friendship to be existent.

After a couple rings he answered looking quite shocked. He ran from his room and I had just enough time to see a outline of a boy in his bed. To small to be Tyde or Steele but I wasn't going to jump to conclusions.

"Hi." He said simply running a hand through his hair. Eyes were puffy and I wondered if he had been crying.. Probably not. Tired was the first description I would have to describe his appearance. But still amazed me by how attractive he was.

" Hey Troye. What's going on?" I worried I would be pushing his comfort zone. Now it's like I have to be careful with every word that escapes my mouth. Always thinking before I speak.

" Nothing..Long night." He paused. " I saw what you said on your radio show. Thank you by the way. It was sweet."

A smile appeared on my face. Everything I said was true. Never would I lie about something as important as Troye. Not to anyone.

" Your welcome. All of it was completely true.."

Instead of replying he just simply smiled. A small smile that hid his teeth. I wish he would show off his teeth, its cute.

" So what do you have planned today." I asked studying him, when I probably shouldn't have been. Something on his neck caught my eye. A brown/purple hickey directly on his sweet spot.

My stomach dropped instantly and I forgot how to breathe. It was almost like holding a gun and having it finally fire. Before was the anxiety you would feel before you pull the trigger. That knowledge of applying pressure but still not feeling that bang, was the start to all of this. And Man did I hate guns.

I knew he was gonna shoot me. I gave him the gun and it was my decision for him to pull the trigger. In a way I just hoped he didn't, but he did. Troye shot me, and I let him. It's just a comparison but I truly did feel the pain almost as if he did.

" Nothing really. Just gonna hang out. What about you." Troye said suddenly, glancing at my confused state. " are you okay Tyler?"

Just then to make everything worse, a shirtless boy walked out of Troyes room. His hair a mess and he also looked exhausted. Then I saw them. Matching hickeys covered the boys chest. It wasn't just any boy. It was Connor.

Quickly I ended the Skype call and stared at myself in the mirror. I didn't cry. I didn't even look upset. I just felt numb. Almost like every other thing didn't matter now.

The sad part is what did I expect. I told him to move on and forget about me. I just truly wish that he didn't. Maybe the reason I was upset was because of Connor. In reality I don't think that's the real reason either. Something just didn't feel right anymore.

I fell in love with Troye Sivan Mellet. The way his quirkiness mixed with his childlike persona. His appearances alone had him running laps around my mind, but his personality was what I couldn't get over. His laugh was music to my ears. I begged him to add it to one of his songs considering the addicting melody but of course he denied. Stubborn as always, which was another characteristic I enjoyed. I fell in love with this boy over and over again. I wouldn't change anything. He was a love I would never forget. The feeling could never go away.

He ignited a fire so bright that my blind eyes turned clear. I could see everything I once thought was impossible. Love, hope and pain.

The type of pain that is so deep it can't be expressed. The type that you actually worry if it might kill you. The type where everything seems right but nothing seems right. It was a confusing pattern that I might never understand.

What scares me now is the fact that I'm not upset about him moving on. It hurts a bit but not enough to make a impact. It's like that importance I felt when I was in his arms was nothing but distant dreams.

Leaving him wasn't a mistake. Letting him love me, was.