Goodbye Troyler // EDITING

Not the Same

Tyler's POV

Sometimes I think that I'm actually gonna be okay. That I'll get over this heartbreak and I'll get over Troye. I mean we didn't date so this was just me getting too attached to a person I knew I couldn't have, right? I used to do it all the time with straight men and this isn't all that different. Take Adam for example, He was straight, yes, but all the casualties of the relationship still made it not possible.

  And that's exactly what I've been telling myself since the text message. Even if Troye somehow liked me, it wouldn't work out. There was no use cursing a rain storm because you don't want your hair getting wet, when there was a drought and people were dying without water. Pointless.

But then, whenever I have a livestream for the Trevor Project, and I see how much my fans want that guest to be Troye, It completely breaks my heart again.

  It actually makes them sad not seeing us interact and talk. They post things apologizing for anything that they might have done and all they want is Troye and I to at least be friends. I figured they'd move on when they so no action, but I was proved wrong by the countless accounts and banters the two fandoms would get into. I didn't understand the infatuation with staying, To just rely on maybe's and what if's. It's not fair to set yourself up for failure.

  I can't blame them for shipping it though. It would be hypocritical if I did. Troye and I both promoted the ship whenever we got the chance. Writing posts about how it was real, knowing that people already wanted that to be the truth. They didn't come up with it by themselves, we helped. Blaming them for the distance wasn't fair either, I had to take some blame.

The fans did take it too far sometimes, that I will admit. It got out of hand and that's why we decided to post less. They hated us for that–They still do. To say they post about us non stop would be in understatement. It hasn't faltered. Constantly saying how much they miss Troyler and that they would give anything for it to be back the way it was. I miss it too.

What sucks the most though is seeing how much the fans already know that Troye is with Connor. They're not blind. Since Troye has been in LA they have hung out almost everyday when Troye isn't in the studio, and in the same way that they jumped to conclusions with Troye and I, they were positive they were dating. I rolled my eyes knowing that two people can hangout without them dating, but my heart sunk a bit when I realized that in this case, they actually were.

Most people have left the Troyler fandom and I can see why. There isn't much of anything to ship anymore. It's like putting your faith into something that is showing no signs of becoming anything. Just because the beginning of a movie is nice, doesn't mean the end will be.

   It reminded me of a divorce. How as much as you want your parents to be happy, you also want your family to be whole again. It's tiring having to choose which house you want to spend your birthday at and you feel like you can never choose.

And speaking of birthdays, mines tomorrow, and it kinda sucked because I was spending it on my laptop, in bed, because I'm sick. Which brings me right back to Troye. Laptop time was a tradition. We met 2 years ago at playlist and I imagine if someone was to tell me exactly how much that boy would effect me, I'd still fly over the table to catch him in my embrace–Without a doubt. As much pain as he's worth, I'd do it over again in a heart beat. Just to have him in my life, I'd take a bullet.

Every once in awhile Troye favorites my tweets or I do the same to him. That's the most that happens though. It's like we're strangers again.
And it's not like I can request a tronler date out. Connor doesn't acknowledge me at all. He completely ignores me and honestly it kind of burns. We used to be good friends. But now I'm nothing.