Goodbye Troyler // EDITING

Changing

Troyes POV

It was the day after Tyler's birthday and honestly I felt horrible.

Last night I was watching a bunch of old videos and I ended up watching all the ones of Tyler and I over again. It really did suck not having him in my life anymore. So I wrote him " I miss you Tilly" just hoping that we could talk. I missed talking to him. I missed laughing with him. I just missed my best friend.

But last night when I sent that he read it and didn't respond. And it split my heart in two.

It wasn't a fight. I wished it was a fight because at least then he could acknowledge my presence. I couldn't pretend that I was even a presence though. Anything hurts less than the quiet.

We don't talk for weeks and now I just pop into his life again, claiming that I miss him after I was the one to tell him to stay away.

This was my fault, not him, nor Connor. Connor didn't ask me to ignore and not talk to Tyler. Tyler was only doing by what I asked. This was all my fault.

"Hey Troye, what's wrong." Connor asked.

I looked up at him forgetting for a moment that I was with him. I walked over to him and laid next to him leaning on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around me and suddenly I felt a moment of relief.

"You know how I asked Tyler to like.. Back off."

He looked at me suspiciously for a second. I rubbed his arm shaking my head. Implying that Tyler wasn't trying anything. He relaxed and held me tighter. " Yeah."

" Well he's doing exactly that. He's not even talking to me now." I said and let out a sigh.

"He wrote you on Twitter just yesterday right?" Connor stated.

" Yeah but that wasn't for me. It was for the fans that have been freaking out about not having any Troyler Interactions" I spoke rolling my eyes.

" Oh well how do you know he's not talking to you."

" I texted him yesterday night. I was watching old videos and it made me sad that we haven't spoken in weeks. So I texted him that I missed him and he read it and didn't reply. And he did it before too like I told you."

He looked at me with sympathy trying to find the right words. " Listen Troye. I'm so sorry for this I never wanted you to lose your bestfriend because of me-"

" Con we've been through this before, it was my choice. I want you as my bestfriend. I want you in everyway. this is not your fault" I said kissing him on the cheek. He smiled and leaned his head against mine.

I wanted Connor. But I think the thing that might be holding our relationship back is that I also want Tyler.

All I know is I'm confused with my feelings and have never felt this way before. I wasn't sure if I wanted Tyler in a sexual way or if I wanted him as my bestfriend again. I longed for his presence when in reality It wasn't here. And I didn't know how to forget about him. All I wanted was to be as happy as I once was and its like that wasn't even possible.

I've told Connor how I felt so many times and he still stays. He is being such a amazing man when I'm not. I've told him I don't want to hurt him. That I just need to figure my friendship with Tyler out and then maybe we can take this to the next level.

I told him that I found him so attractive it's so hard to not fall for him every time he looks at me. I told him that I thought that I wanted a relationship but I don't think I'm ready. He always tells me he will wait and when I decided what is right for me he will understand. How can I not want a man like him? How come I was still confused? How?

Another thing that hurts a lot is my loss of fans. They say that I have changed so much and they miss the old me. The one that posts and talks to his Fans a lot. The one who was always giggly and happy. The person I was with Tyler.

I have changed. Not only have I said Goodbye to the quiff, it's like I said goodbye to the old me. I try my hardest to post and keep updated with the fans but I spend most of my time at the studio and when I'm not at the studio I'm with Connor trying to make sure he doesn't feel like I'm abandoning him. And I have completely left my fans and haven't provided them with the love they always provide me with. If it wasn't for them I wouldn't be here.
Why am I hurting every one?

Authors note.
So Troye was getting a lot of shade when I wrote this about how he wasn't keeping up with the fans or anything. I just was going by what I saw on twitter. There might have been a time when he was a little unactive but he is trying his hardest to still communicate with his fandom and keep up a album.

Anyways just wanted to put that out there Thankyou so much for reading. Sorry if its sad it's suppose to be.