Goodbye Troyler // EDITING

13.)Given up

Tyler's POV

It was probably a bad night to go to the beach. I was alone, going to a place where zero people new about. The storm was coming in quite fast and I was laying in the middle of the sand.

Maybe if I was smart I would leave, but let's say intelligence is something I'm lacking at.

My fingers were digging into the ground collecting the sand in between my nails. The mixture of the waves crashing against the ocean floor and the brontide in the distance filled my ears.

The breeze ran through my flat hair considering I had no reason to create a unmeaning full quiff. The bags underneath my eyes were darker than ever from loss of sleep mixed with crying.

Thoughts of Troye Sivan Mellet crowded my brain. For the past 6 days he has wrote me everyday. And each day i grow weaker. I want more than anything to write back but I'm afraid.

I'm afraid that I won't be enough for the perfect boy. I'm too old and he is still so young. He has time to make mistakes and sleep around, while I'm ready for forever. I don't want to tie him down when he doesn't want too.

I dream of him everynight and cry every time he texts me. I cried the hardest when he sent the text about starting a family. Because that sounded so amazing. To have a family with him, a dog, a life.

I write out the messages every time to send to him. Explaining how much I love him and that more than anything I want to be his. Then I remember why I can't. I sob until I physically can't anymore, its becoming a daily routine.

I don't have any tears left to cry.

The ding of my phone has my eyes shooting open and me stomach dropping. I was skeptical about reading the message knowing that I would want nothing more than to reply.

"Are you still glad I said hi... do you still remember my subway order?.. Are my eyes still hazel?.. Does t+t still = love heart?...Is Don't Wait sill our Friendship song?...Do you still wish I was here right now?...Are we still best friends?

Update: I'm still missing you. "

My heart hurt too much and I felt like I couldn't breathe. He wrote me everyday, saying these things that I'm sure hurt him as well. All I wanted from the beginning was to not hurt him and It seemed that was the only thing I was doing.

But I wasn't sure what to say. How do I say all the things I'm afraid too. The words I've been running away from all this time. A huge part of me wishes more than anything that I didn't feel like this.

The feeling of not being enough for him, eats away my life and I'm left with thinking about getting my heart broken. When that person does come along that can give him everything, it's gonna sting too bad.

I might not feel like I could be enough but I would most defiantly give everything I have to make him happy. Every inch of being I had, would be to him. My whole entire life in human form. Would that be enough?

His smile lights up my world, and it makes me feel like the whole universe is smiling along with him. His eyes capture me into a overwhelming feeling of lust. Most importantly the personality that completes me. I'm not the same unless he's here with me. I'm a ghost living a plain un-meaningful life. Until I'm with that little twink.

I read the following text and knew that it wasn't a question on what to do anymore.

" I love you so much Tilly."

All my worries faded away and for the first time I believed those six words.

I typed out as much as I could put in words.

"Troye, I ran from you because Im afraid. I'm afraid that I'm not enough for you and that I'll hold you back from finding that person. All what you have said about starting a family with me, and believe me when I say that's my biggest dream. Even after saying all those things I still doubted myself. But I'm tired of crying and fighting. I want you more than a person should want someone. I love you so extremely much Troye Sivan Mellet. I'm so sorry for hurting you."

His instant reply startled me at first but then the excited, anxious feeling took over and I opened the text as fast as possible.

" Where are you. I'm need to see you."

" I'm at Little Whales Cove beach."

Troyes reply made me smile. " Why the hell are you their at 12:10 in the morning. Especially during a storm. Coming to get you now!"

So He did. The lights of a car appeared at the top of the hill and I saw the gorgeous boy get out of the car. His fringe flying in the wind.

At first we were walking to each other slowly then like a movie we picked up speed. After an eternity we fell into each others arms and out of happiness water fell from my eyes.

His lips kissed a tear that fell down my face, then he connected our lips. And can I say I have never felt a feeling like this.

Yeah we have kissed before but nothing compared to this. Maybe it was the amount of people watching. Or the fact we wanted each other so much, that the lust that was pouring into the kiss.

Our lips moved together and the warmth was reviving. We kissed in a rush but not sloppy. All the missing time we were away from one another, seeped through our kiss. I grabbed his waist and pulled him impossibly closer and he wrapped his hands in my hair.

The twists he made in my hair ran shivers down my spine but in a way it still gave me pleasure.

His tongue ran across my bottom lip and gladly I gave him entry. Even with our age difference he was already so experienced.

I finally got why the fans have obsessed with us so much. My love for him was to strong and the fandom could see straight through it. They knew that there was chemistry. Believed we were soul mates.

And I did too.

Authors Note: This chapter is crap I apologize.