why won't you love me? [M.G.C]

35

Quinn Blake

It's been three months now since you left New York and I've been worried sick. You haven't answered, haven't called, haven't texted. Nothing. I have no idea what's going on or what I did but I miss you. I miss you Luke. Where did you go? I have no idea if you are going to see this email but all I wanted to say is I miss you. I love you Luke. That's right, I love you Luke. I don't know what happened between us but I have to say it.

Realizing that you've been gone for this matter of months got me thinking about you and everything you have done. The many dates, the beach walks, song singing, song writing, even you teaching me to play the guitar. I realized for that period of time that I do love you Luke.  I miss you so much Luke. So please if you get this email, please respond if you can. 

I have no idea what I did but I have been worried sick. Did I do something? Did you think I fell out of love with you? Did you think I hated you? Did you think I didn't want you anymore? Well Luke, I do. I love you, miss you, need you, want you. Ever since you left I've been falling apart. Falling apart because you weren't here. I feel bad because I am so dependent on you. 

I haven't seen Ashley in a long time either. She hasn't talked to me since you left in February. I haven't seen anyone in months. Part of me wants to fly to California and just see you but I have no clue if that's a good idea or not.

Im sorry for whatever I did. 

 -Quinn Blake. 

Luke Hemmings

5 days after Quinn sent her email.

I haven't fully slept in days. There is no such thing as sleep when you are not here. There is no such thing as anything when you aren't here. 

I haven't talked to you in three months. I haven't seen you since then. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate myself. 

I hate myself so much because I am just letting it happen and I can't stop it. I have no option of controlling it. I hate how Ashley and Ashton are still together and we can't be together. I hate it,I hate it, I hate it.

They made me block you on everything, instagram, snapchat, even text messages. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I hate being away from you. I hate not being able to talk to you. I hate that it came back to this again. I feel like this is my fault. We even got new management, I would never think this would happen again with new people. 

Everything we went through with those miserable years and its just happening again. I am so sorry that you are going through this again. I did not want this to happen but I couldn't stop it. I just want to fly to New York to see you but I know that is a bad idea. 

I wish I could see you again, hold you, tell you how much I'm sorry. No matter how much I say I'm sorry I know its not enough. I miss you Quinn, I really do.

Fuck it Quinn, I love you. I said it, I love you Quinn. 

But I can't love you. I just can't, I don't want to see you. I can't see you. I do not want to break you more than I already have. So this is a goodbye, maybe. Maybe not even a goodbye. I want this to be cleared before I see you again even if I don't see you again.

I am so sorry Quinn. I am doing this for your own sake and I know soon as I send this email I will get in so much trouble but I have to tell you. I have to say this as a goodbye for now. 

-Luke.

And just like that, it's sent. I leaned back in the chair with my hands behind my head as I stared at my computer screen just saying "email successfully sent". I closed my eyes just waiting to get yelled at by our manager. But after a few minutes, thankfully no yelling, no noise, nothing. I kept my eyes closed until I heard my door slam open. 

'Luke what the fuck.' Michael said as he came into my room and shut my door. I opened my eyes to look at him confused. This has to be about the email I just sent to Quinn. 'what is this?' he asked as he slid his phone on the table in front of me. 

I looked down as saw the email, the same one that was on my computer a few seconds ago. I didn't answer, I simply couldn't answer. I just stayed quiet. I didn't even know how to answer the question, it just had to be done.

'Luke.' Michael said a little louder to snap me out of my thoughts. I looked back up at him with the blank stare. 'Luke that can get you, not just you, us in trouble.' 

I couldn't speak back, I haven't even spoke in a few days. I couldn't tell you that I love you in person. I hate myself for that. 

'Luke come on speak to me!' he finally broke out and yelled at me which caused me to jump. 'Why would you do this!'

I stood up not caring about how loud I was going to get. 'I did it for her okay!' and after that we both went silent for a second. 

'you don't care about her-' he started to say until I cut him off. 

'Oh I don't care about her? I don't CARE about her? I fucking love her! Just because I left her like you did doesn't mean I don't care about her!' I yelled at him forcing him to step back. 'You just keep breaking her don't you. Telling her that you like her and then friend zone her, then leave her a few weeks later. never talk to her again and date this new chick a few years later! Michael I know you fucking love her and all but it doesn't fucking seem like it.'

'you did the same fucking thing didn't you now. Tell you to be your valentine and then leave and don't talk to her again. What if I tell her about Sierra?' he said and that made me even angrier. 

'Don't bring Sierra into this.' I said clenching my fists together. 

'Or what? what are you going to do huh?' Michael said getting up into my face. 'Have you told Quinn about that little make out you and Sierra had. You haven't even told Quinn about her haven't you?'

'Michael. I was drunk.' I spilled out. 

'Doesn't matter if you were sober or full faced drunk, you still did it.' he said as he pulled himself away from me before this could get any worse. I stared at him until we both looked away. 'Don't even convince yourself that you still love her. What you said in the email was a full lie, don't eve convince yourself its not. Because deep down Luke, we all know it's a lie. "

I just stayed quiet, I couldn't respond. I didn't know how to respond. 

'You need to tell her before it's too late, because I know she's hurting.' he said as he walked out of my room and shut the door. My eyes fell to the door as I stared at it for what it felt like hours. I know I need to tell Quinn but I have no idea how.

Do I just email her again and get myself in trouble or do I just tell her in person and get in even more trouble? 

Soon as I know it, my fingers typed across the keyboard for flights to New York City.