The Problems of Being Bisexual...at 13

Chapter 43

3/31/15

Fuck this shit, oh hi guys,

Sorry I'm done with life. I'm not a board game you don't have to play me just for fun. I get it you just love my misery, but to be honest I don't.

I swear if I loose one more person, I'm shutting down, I'm seriously going to completely and utterly shut down my emotions and die inside.

I'm tired of everything just happening at once, what is it that is so important that I have to go through all this pain to prepare for it. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger? Bullshit, bullshit is what it is. More like it breaks you down and bothers the hell out of you.

I'm sorry let me go back a little, I just found out that my friend has motherfucking heart cancer.  Are you shitting me? I'm not even sad yet, I'm fucking livid. Because no matter what I do, what I say, or how I am, something has to come and beat me the fuck down. I mean give me a break, I'm tired of this shit,  I'm just tired of life, can I just let it pass me by? Please?

I'm going to sleep, I'll see you...whenever

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4/2/15

Alright, um you guys...

I think I just got engaged... Remember that friend I was talking about...well he was my boyfriend,  I guess fiancé now...

I know I know, what the fuck outcaster! I don't know ok! I just need some advice or something...it's so complicated.

I mean I love him (weird I know) but the way it works out is that we would have to move to Europe for his job. I mean I would get my dream wedding but...I'll only be 16 you guys...

And I don't want to just loose my husband at 18, but I love him. Don't give me that, it's not love crap it's been scientifically proven, I'm just to lazy to type it. What'd you expect, it's still me.

I just, I don't know. I feel like if I go, I can be with my first love and all that. But then I would have to leave all my school work behind and probably run away...

I'm...I guess I'm just blinded by "love". God I hate that emotion. It's what's been fucking me up all these years and it makes you feel so vulnerable. I hate it. But please, someone just help or something...

Actually I think I know what I'm going to do, but your suggestions would still be great. Um...

Bye,

~outcaster