The Problems of Being Bisexual...at 13

Chapter 2

12/19/14

(Skip this and the next chapter if you want depressed tears from me)

So this is going to be sad and filled with anger. I personally thought my first chapter was going to be happy but fuck it I guess...

So it's one of those nights, yeah one of those. When you feel like you lost all hope and just want to go to sleep and never wake up. When all that sounds good is that numbness that only the dark can give you. So this is my oh what is it, 43rd night in a roe crying myself to sleep without a should to help those tears.

Didn't think kids knew what those nights were like...sorry to bust your bubble of blindness. Kids have a lot of problems that adults usually don't understand, because you guys usually forget what it's like to be a kid (not all just most), plus this when we start seeing the world and becoming ourselves.

But anyways you guys want to know why I'm in such a pissy and depressed mood, right? To bad if you don't. I'm feeling like this well, because of everything. I don't exactly have the best of families nor do I have the worst. Middle schoolers are assholes and I know I used to be one. People never give you a chance. To sum it up the world and just life is shitty and full of bull.

(Yes I rhymed)

So let's start off with the parents, how exciting! ( note the sarcasm). My parents are different you could say. Now to start it off I've only came out to one person, and that was my best friend. Thankfully she completely supported me, we hugged it out, and she even came out of the closet to me about her being asexual, but jot everyone's so open minded.

My parents...my parents. My dad he loves me I know for sure but sometimes he acts all "liking the same sex no good. Man meant for women. Women meant for man.' Caveman style. And my mom, oh how I loathe her.

No I don't love my mother. I'm trying really hard not to sound like a snotty kid, because I'm not. But my mom's just done some shit to me emotionally and it's really fucked me up. I mean she was the beginning of my trust issues.

I have complete respect for this woman and I try to treat her the best I can. I just don't have love for her nasty ways. I appreciate she helped make me alive. I just don't appreciate your treatment and the fact we can never agree on anything (she's kind of a homophobe but it's not that major).

I sadly, don't consider her family though. My definition of family is not your blood. Your blood is DNA, but family are the ones who already do and always will have your back and love you no matter what.

Yet I guess thanks for fucking me up and continuously doing it because without all this shit you've been giving me I wouldn't be the person I am today, tomorrow, or in the next 10 years. You've made me stronger in a bad way but you've made me stronger and that's where my respect comes to you.

Plus technically it's not my, quote "fault", end quote, that I'm like this. Personally it's whoever and whatever I was around's fault. But thanks anyways!
FUN FACT: At the early stages of life (including teenagers) children and teens can be affected physically and emotionally for the rest of theirs life's from one traumatic, frustrated, etc. action. Also your sexual preference(s) are decided at that age. You have absolutely no control over it.

Now school...yah. So kids aren't sensitive in any way. All my life I've been told that I have an old spirit(I act older than I am). I've always been mature my sisters gay friend says he feels like he canbe himself around me because I have the sass and mind of a 36 year old woman (he's in his mid 30s), no I don't take that as an insult because I'm just happy he doesn't see me as one of the immature bitches I call most of my generation.

I'm not calling them all that because my best friends an example of a decent person wanting success in life. People are to focused on being cool instead of, 'will I actually be able to independently live off the money I make from the opportunities given to me from my grades?'

But anyways these prissy kids don't know that I'm bi. They all think that I'm straight, and I really wouldn't care if they did. The thing is though that there are 4 bisexual girls and about 3 lesbians at this school. People harass them and bully them to a terrible extent.

I try to comfort them but they don't know I can relate and they won't. I try my best to put a smile on peoples faces because I have to put on a fake one and it hurts.

It might sound selfish of me to not tell them for comfort but I don't trust them. People spread too many rumors and too many rumors spread like wildfire. I...I just don't want to be more broken than I already am, ok?

I think I'll be done for today, sorry I mean tonight. The after math of salty tears is making my eyes kind of heavy and it's probably a good time to sleep.

Night,

-outcaster

(P.s. Sorry if I bummed ya out, it's just how I'm feeling right now. Sad a twelve year olds been going through this right? But anyways I'm usually more careless and happy then this I just happened to update at night I usually hold in my emotions and stuff but I'll explain in the next chapter ok, love you guys.)