"You what my heart desires"
Your soulmate will be the stranger you recognize.
People think a soulmate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soulmate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back...
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November 27, 2020 | Harlem, New York 11:24 PM
I pulled off from the house as my eyes began to water. I felt angry, hurt, and confused more than anything. Though I overheard parts of his conversation, I didn't hear everything. Maybe I jumped to conclusions too soon, maybe I could've heard him out but in the moment, my anger wouldn't let me.
I can understand Saint keeping information from me because it's not his business, I just don't really understand why he and Jayda lied or what they're lying about. I know the last thing I expected to hear today is that my boyfriend has been subconsciously lying to me for months about everything that's been going on.
How could he let me walk around Naive as to what's going on around me yet he wants to know everything? How could he let me stress about why Jayda wasn't speaking to me knowing why and say nothing? How could he look me in my face and lie to me? No one can tell me not to be upset because regardless of why he lied, it hurt me. I've come so far to trust him, and being that my trust was one of the main issues in the beginning, all I ask is that he's upfront with me.
I love Jayda with everything in me, she'll always be my bestfriend. I pray that she's okay but asking my boyfriend to keep something from me made me feel a type of way. I've been blowing up her phone for weeks— months, just trying to figure out what I did wrong. At first I thought maybe she felt bad about what Artist did to me, even though it wasn't her fault. I racked my brain for answers over and over again trying to figure out why she'd disappear on me after her ex boyfriend assaulted me. I questioned if he was capable of assaulting me, had he been abusing her and we just didn't know but these are all questions that went unanswered. When I'd try to talk to Saint about it he'd tell me things like she probably just needs space or she's going through a breakup she'll come around. Then days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months that I didn't hear from my best-friend.
It's like the day Artist assaulted me she fell off the face of the earth. As the days went on, I convinced myself that I didn't care. At first it was just me that she'd shut out. No response to my text but I'd hear Izzy tell Saint he was on the way to see her. My calls went unanswered but I'd see her post on Instagram. I was angry at her some days but worried on most. Saint and Izzy would promise me that she was good and safe so I had nothing to worry about. Everyday I woke up more confused than the next, everything was good one day and the next I was completely cut out of her life.
I was more hurt that I expressed my concerns to Saint day in and day out and he still acted as if he knew nothing and lied to me. He's not to blame for the state of me and Jayda's friendship but there was so many other ways he could've gone about it all. I didn't want to sound selfish especially not knowing all of the details and information but why did Saint know what was going wrong in our friendship and I didn't?
I'm a prideful person but being with Saint has allowed me to be more vulnerable and soft. The old me would've been angry at Jayda for disappearing on me but I've been reaching out every day to tell her that I love her and I'm here for her. I've called her dad, I've even reached out to her mom. So it does hurt to know that I'm the one she shut out completely.
