𝘓𝘢 𝘴𝘶𝘢 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘢 𝘱𝘦𝘴𝘤𝘢.

34.

Her.

I caressed his hand tenderly, taking a deep breath to calm down - 2 small actions that I do every damn night when soul-draining nightmares hunt me down. 

"You have to wake up, mon cœr."- I whispered shakily, cuddling up against his hand, our beds joined in one - small request of mine that nobody objected to. 

"Remember how you said you will get down on one knee and put a massive diamond on my finger? I said that I will attack you with kisses and hugs the second you do that and won't even bother to listen because I will be too happy to absorb a word."- I reminded him, tears dropping on his palm. 

"You promised to take me away on honeymoon right after our beautiful wedding and go on evening strolls along the shore with me. I said I will be calling you my husband non-stop and you said that I will be wifey forever."- I said vulnerably, tiny smile adoring my lips as I replayed all those moments and so much more, causing tears to rush down my face. 

"God, I promise to have all of your babies, just wake up, please. I will give you a whole basketball team if you wish, but you must wake up."- I begged, kissing his hand delicately, not able to keep myself collected any longer, desperate to have him back. 

It is hard. Too hard for it to be sane.

A week of nothing, expect pain, medications, never ending tests, doctor's consultations, tears, exhaustion and numbness. 

I cannot sleep, I struggle to eat anything more than fruit, I cannot brush my teeth and floss enough, my body is feeble. My lungs burn - it truly feels like learning to breathe from scratch. I get dizzy too easily due to weak system. Doctors expect me to gain weight soon - a task that seems impossible right now. My hipbone turned out to be injured and I must take it exceedingly easy with moving. I have dark circles under my eyes - so dark that I doubt I will ever get rid of them. 

I want nothing, expect his embrace. That's all I am begging for. I want him to hold me so-so close, so damn close that I am suffocating. I want to feel his steady, healthy, soothing heartbeat against my own. I want him to scold me for not looking after myself, I want him to frown cutely at my pouty lips and teary eyes and kiss all my tears away. I want him to tell me that I am his little peach while his hands squeeze my bum per habit. 

I am willing to sell my soul to the devil just to have him back. 

"I'd prefer a cricket team of our own, mia piccola pesca."- spoke raspy, gruff, low voice, making my heart skip a beat as my glossy eyes glanced up. 

"Adriano."- I almost whispered through tears in disbelief, immediately gently cuddling up against him, shattering once his muscular, powerful arms tenderly and cautiously wrapped around me. 

I wanted to say something. Anything. But I couldn't get a word out. 

All I could do was hug him adoringly and delicately, melting and crying as he soothed me, laying the most feathery kiss on my forehead - the desired kiss I have been dying for. 

"It's okay, piccola, it's okay. We are alright, that's all that matters."- said huskily Adriano as I nodded, my tears landing on his cheeks. 

"Shh, I am right here, ma princesse. I am not going anywhere, I here and I am by your side."- he soothed as I held him just a tiny bit tighter, my heart racing like mad, my vision so blurry and watery. 

"I love you so much. I love you so, so, so, so much, mon prince."- I whispered softly, unable to say it enough. 

I don't think I will ever be able to tell him enough of that. Not when we were on the thin line between life and death for so long. Not when we nearly died in each other's arms. Not when our last confessions of love sounded like goodbyes.