𝘓𝘢 𝘴𝘶𝘢 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘢 𝘱𝘦𝘴𝘤𝘢.

36.

2 weeks later. 

Friday. 3 in the morning.

Him.

Feathery whimper woke me up as I leaned on my forearm, laying on my side. I glanced at my sweetness, my jaw clenching at the all too familiar sight. 

Tears rushing down her cheeks. Damp, long, thick, beautiful lashes. Small, soft hands clutching on me. Breathy sighs and whimpers. 

"Ma belle princesse, wake up."- I whispered smokily, tenderly caressing her cheek, wiping away her tears. (My beautiful princess.) 

She quivered in scare, clutching on my bicep firmer while tears trailed like waterfall, my heart shattering in billion bits. 

"Mia piccola pesca."- I said warmly, gently glazing my thumb over her defined cheekbone, sighing in worry as she jolted awake. 

Heavenly blue shade with tints of the softest green shade - divine mixture of her irises that form flowers: gorgeous, extremely detailed flowers that I cannot admire enough, not now, not ever. Those big, glimmering, celestial eyes are filled with kindness and innocence, sweetness and love during the day and are clouded with fright and tears at night. 

"Shh, I am right here, mon ciel. You are safe, you are okay."- I soothed my beloved, my tone calm and loving. 

I gently scooped her feathery physic in my arms and sat up before sitting her on my lap, letting her straddle me. My arms wrapped around her dainty waist and delicate back as she hid in my embrace, breaking down by my side another night in row. 

Her.

That monster's repellent hands on me, him molesting me, his disgusting claw slapping my cheek, me crying and begging him to stop. 

The same scene on repeat rushed through my mind yet another night, draining soul out of me. I brush my teeth and floss 3, 4, 5 times a day. I cannot scrub my skin enough to get rid of that horror. I don't want any unknown men near myself - papa, Leonardo, my brothers, my beloved Adriano, his brothers and my doctor are the only males I can let near myself. I don't want to be alone for longer than a minute - I cannot be left alone for longer than that. 

Bust most of all - the more that terror replays in my mind, the more afraid of physical, sexual touch I am and the most I am scared to touch Adriano. 

A week. That's how often I have been getting nightmares and that's how long I have not touched my boyfriend. 

A kiss on his cheek or forehead, hug or cuddle solely out of his initiative - that's as far as I can go. I miss his lips, I miss his caresses and squeezes, I miss him pecking any part of me at random just because he loves me, I miss being able to kiss him any time I want, I miss touching him for no reason. 

I hate that I am so wrecked by that monster and I hate even more that I cannot overstep that and be myself. 

"Shh, you are okay, ma douce chérie. We are okay."- soothed Adriano, his velvety voice warm and calm, and I nodded, taking shaky deep breath. 

I glanced away, unable to bring myself to look him in the eyes, and his soundless sigh made my heart shrink: my fear leaves him helpless - he doesn't push me to any physical contact because he respects my boundaries and treasures my comfort. 

"Mon ange, it doesn't change anything between us. You are my beautiful love, you are my present and future, I love you the same and even more, I adore every inch of you with all my heart and soul and nothing, nobody will ever change this."- spoke profoundly my love as I met his gaze, shattering once I saw how much he worries and how much he longs for me.