Tainted Melodies (Ciudad de Escalante #5)

Phase 18

Like what I said, I waited for Alexius for the remaining hours since Devan left. Wala akong ginawa kung hindi gamitin ang mga gitara at recording set niya para bumuo ng kanta. It took me hours in that activity until I decided to go to bed after having my dinner.


Alexius didn't came back. Baka talaga may importante siyang gagawin. Dapat pala sumama na ako kay Devan kanina para hindi ko siya maabala kung sakaling maraming kailangang asikasuhin.


But I thought he would never be.


Bandang alas-dos na siguro ng madaling-araw nang makarinig ako ng tunog ng sasakyan sa labas. Iyon ang nagpagising sa akin. I'm not a heavy sleeper and the balcony was opened so the sound woke me up. I'm sure no one will sneak in so I didn't bother to close it. Umupo ako kaagad sa kama at naglakad sa balcony upang masilip kung saan nanggaling ang tunog.


I saw nothing aside from the headlights. Hindi ko rin nakita kung anong sasakyan at tanging ilaw lamang. Huminto rin ang tunog kaya napagpasyahan kong manatili muna sa loob ng kwarto bago bumaba para tingnan kung sino iyon.


I hope it's Alexius.


When I stepped my feet in his man cave, I felt something weird, as if someone was staring at me. It was cold, and everything was dim, but I'm sure there's a presence aside from mine. Nilibot ko ang mga mata sa paligid ngunit hindi ko mahinuha kung anong nararamdamang kaba.


Until I darted my eyes at the gun cabinet...


My face grew pensive. It made me uneasy and anxious. The lower compartment in the gun cabinet is opened! What the hell? It is where Alexius hid his revolver. Bakit nakabukas? May kinuha sa loob?


I wandered restlessly around the place, thinking if I'd check if the revolver was inside. Paano kung nay kumuha? Oh no. It was a gun! A noxious weapon! One wrong move, you'll get killed.


In the midst of my struggle, a sound of a broken glass almost damaged my eardrums. Nanlambot ako sa kinatatayuan at rumehistro sa aking pandinig kung ano ang pamilyar na tunog na iyon.


Fuck.


Don't tell me...


Hindi na ako nagsayang pa ng kahit isang segundo at mabilis na naglakad palabas ng bahay. I gasped and blinked excessively when I witnessed a familiar scenario again. It was Alexius. A drunk Alexius who's holding a bottle of beer in one of his hands. Habang ang isang kamay niya ay ang revolver.


He was topless. Wala rin siyang sapin sa paa. His hair is a definite messed. His belt was loosened up that made his boxer's waistline exposed. Nakatalikod siya at gaya noong unang nakita ko siyang ganito, he looked lost.


Wasted. Hopeless. Weak. Barely living. Moderately functioning.


Shit. What's happening to him again?


Napatakip ako sa aking tainga nang itapat niya sa boteng nakapatong sa mesa ang revolver at walang sabi-sabing pinaputok iyon! My chest heaved up and down from that shot. Nanginig din at nanlamig ang buong katawan ko sa takot at pag-aalala.


He looked brutal, indecisive, and not on his right mind! He can't even stand up properly. Oh my God.


What if, what if...


He'll put the tip in his head again?


"A-Alexius!" I shouted when I saw him stay in his position.


Hindi niya nilagay sa mesa ang bote na hawak kanina at ibinaba niya lamang iyon sa buhangin. I know what he's going to do. I'll not let him played with his life again! I won't let him meet the brink of his death with that fucking revolver.


"Solaire?" he asked drunkenly while loading the revolver with one bullet, spun it casually in the cylinder like it was only a damn toy!


Bumaling siya sa akin at namumungay ang kanyang mata na pinanood akong tumatakbo papunta sa kanyang direksyon. I whimpered in worries when he was finally infront of me. Kahit nanlalambot ang kabuuan ko, sinikap kong hindi maapektuhan kahit may hawak siyang mapanganib na bagay. I gathered my strength while moving closer to him.


"Alexius, put that down and it's late. Let's go inside. We should sleep..." mahinahon kong pahayag at tinitigan ang revolver na mahigpit niyang hawak.


I shut my eyes when he chuckled like he was hearing something ridiculous. Napalunok ako sa kaba sa muling nakita. He positioned his finger as if he was preparing to pull the trigger.


"Alexius, let's rest and put this down, hmm? It's dangerous..." kabado kong saad at nanginginig pa ang mga kamay nang hawakan ko ang revolver para maialis sa kanyang kamay. Ngunit agad niyang hinawi ang kamay niya palayo sa akin.


"I'm way dangerous, Solaire. Fuck, go inside!" Alexius scowled angrily and pushed my shoulder gently. Bumilis ang aking paghinga at nag-aalalang umiling nang iangat niya ang baril.


"Don't do this, please," I pleaded when he moved it near his face.


Naiiyak akong umiling habang pinapayuhan siyang ibaba muli iyon dahil delikado pero hindi siya nakikinig. Alexius muttered a curse while staring intensely at me. He looked away and tightened the hold in his gun. Napamura muli siya at napasabunot sa buhok nang dumapo muli ang tingin sa akin.


"Solaire, damn it. Don't fucking rule me! Go inside!"


I sobbed silently from his furious screams, not because it hurts me. He's mad, and he's carrying a lot, but he can't do anything. So he keeps projecting his anger to other people, or maybe he's projecting it to himself for too long. He thinks it'll be all right by doing that, but it's only getting worse.


"Let's go inside together, Alexius. Don't do this! You can talk to me about what's happening. I won't judge you," I requested and pressed my palms against each other.


Hindi ko inalis ang atensyon sa baril para makalkula ang bawat kilos niya. Each of his actions were unpredictable and quick. Wala rin sa bokabularyo niya ang pagdadalawang-isip o takot man lang na baka aksidente niyang maiputok iyon.


"You won't judge me? You already did!" asik niya at suminghap nang hindi makapaniwala.


He laughed again and touched his forehead. Huminga ako ng malalim at mas lumapit para mahawakan muli ang kanyang kamay kung saan naroon ang revolver.


"I will not. Trust me, I won't. Let's put this down and talk about it, huh?" malambot kong bulong at dahan-dahang kinuha ang revolver sa kanyang kamay. Lumuwag ang pagkakahawak niya at tumitig sa akin.


I sighed in relief when he only let me. Pero hindi pa rin matatago sa akin ang kaba at takot dahil sa baril. Ibinaba ko ang revolver sa upuan at binalot iyon sa kanyang damit na nahulog sa buhanginan. I'll hide this weapon later.


"Why are you doing this, Solaire? Why are you still fucking here?" he furiously uttered.


I smiled weakly and scanned him from head to toe. Staring at him like this is such a mess more than I thought. There's nothing wrong if you're lost; giving up to find the right place is. So find it, Alexius. That's the beauty of leading your journey. No matter how many times we get lost, we can always turn back. These trails were the reflections of the choices we made.


"You said you'll come back. I trust you so I waited," mahinang sambit ko na nakapagpangiti sa kanya ng mapakla.


"You're lying," giit niya. Mas dumilim ang kanyang ekspresyon at ang kanyang mga mata ay nagpahiwatig na makakaranas ako ng kung anong panganib.


"I'm not," agap ko at napayakap ang sarili dahil sa lamig ng hangin. Napatingin ako sa kanyang pang-itaas na katawan. He's not wearing anything.


"It's cold here. Let's go inside..." anyaya ko at hinawakan ang kanyang malamig na kamay.


Alexius gasped from my touch. Mas hinigpitan ko ang pagkakahawak sa kanyang kamay at banayad na hinila iyon papasok ng bahay. Hindi ko alam kung mapapanatag ba ako dahil nagpapatianod lang siya o kakabahan muli dahil hindi ko alam kung anong pumapasok sa utak niya.


"You will not ask anything?" he whispered while we were stepping our feet upstairs. Huminto ako sa paghakbang at humarap sa kanya. I was steps ahead of him, so I lowered my head to meet his dark eyes.


"I'll wait for you to tell me about it..."


"Why?" he huskily asked.


"You want it that way," mahinang bulong ko at napasandal sa handrail ng hagdanan. Humakbang kasi siya palapit at labis ang panliliit na naramdaman ko nang nasa harapan ko na siya. His body dominated the space between us.


"Did I scare you earlier?" tanong niyang muli kaya mabagal akong umiling kahit ang totoo ay labis pa rin ang takot ko hanggang ngayon. I thought he'll point it in his head just like what he did last time.


"You're lying again," matigas niyang pahayag. I bit my lip when I noticed his tensed jaw, and the veins in his neck bulged a little.


"I'm not, okay? I'm just worried," pangangatwiran ko.


"Why are you worried?"


Because you might hurt yourself with that damn revolver! And what if he was killed? What will happen to me? I'll bring that memory into my whole life!


"You saw me that night, right? That's why you stop me today before I do it again," aniya kaya natigilan ako.


How did he know that?


"Go upstairs. Sleep and don't rule me," dugtong niya at akmang bababa. Saan siya pupunta? Nataranta ako sa nakitang pinaplano niyang gawin. I quickly grabbed his wrist to stop him.


"Alexius, don't do this. It will just make everything worst."


He chuckled.


"Everything is already worst, Solaire..."


I shut my eyes and walked in front of him.


"I know you've been dealing a lot, but ending your own life is not an answer," pakiusap ko.


"It's not about my life. It's about the pain which people like you wouldn't understand."


My lips trembled when he said those words. Matigas kung paano niya sabihin pero ramdam mo kung gaano kahirap iyon para maisatinig niya. I know I don't know him. I don't know his story. I don't know what makes it hard to sleep at night. I don't know what makes his heart hurt the most.


"Pain will not also stop, Alexius. It will just pass to others. Think about the people who cared for you. Think what they will feel..."


He stilled. May bakas ng reyalisasyon sa kanyang mukha. That's right. Think about those people who'll hurt from your absence.


"So, what do you want me to do?"


"Hang in there and fight. Not only for yourself but for those people who love you..."


Alexius shook his head. A drop of tear escaped in my eyes when it looked like he didn't care in whatever I was saying.


"I've been in this battle for too long. I eventually forgot why I'm even fighting..." he whispered.


Napasinghap ako nang mapaupo siya sa hagdanan na parang maging ang katawan niya ay bumibigay na sa lahat. I also kneeled down beside him. Nakayuko siya at mabibigat ang kanyang paghinga. I can't clearly see his face but when seconds had passed, all I knew is, Alexius was sobbing silently.


Nanlumo ako sa nasaksihan. The sounds of his silent cries pains me. He's suppressing it as much as he can. Hindi ko pa alam kung anong dahilan pero parang dinudurog na ako ng paunti-unti. The catalyst who makes an uncontrollable beats inside my ribcage is a guy who's wounded.


"Everything will be fine, let it out. I'm here," malambot kong saad at hinawakan ang pisngi niya. Naramdaman ko ang labis na pamamasa ng aking palad nang hawakan ko iyon.


"I'll never be fine. It's my fault, Solaire. R-Rory is waiting for me, but I didn't come too soon," he cried.

Nanatili akong tahimik habang pinapakinggan ang mabibigat at nanghihinang boses niya. It is about his sister. It is his weakest point. For now, this is all what he needs. A listener and a shoulder. Lumapit ako sa kanya at hinawakan ang kanyang ulo para dahan-dahan iyong ipahinga sa aking balikat.


"I'm listening. I'm here. You're not alone," I assured and caressed his head.


"What hope could I have after losing everything?" he whispered and lifted his head to coincide with my vision. I gave him a warm smile and wiped the tears in both of his cheeks.


"As long as you breathe, nothing's over," I whispered.


Hindi siya nagsalita at tumitig lamang pabalik sa akin. I gulped when I can't read anything again. His expression was blank and dull. Nagtagal ang pagmamasid namin sa isa't-isa nang unti-unti ko na lamang naramdaman ang malambot na dampi ng kanyang labi sa akin.


My heartbeats became wild when they pounded harshly every second. Nawalan ako ng lakas at napapikit sa init na nararamdaman. Alexius gradually moved his lips, yet it became deeper and deeper until I could finally taste the beer he drank. His passionate kiss was inviting, giving me no other options to kiss him back.


Nag-angat ako ng kamay at parehas iyong pinatong sa kanyang matigas na balikat. Napahiga rin ako ng kaunti sa hagdanan. Alexius guided me and his hand stayed in the back of my head to protect me against the stair.


Nagpatuloy ang aming paghahalikan hanggang sa pumaibabaw siya at mas binilisan ang galaw ng mga labi na parang ito na ang huling beses na mahahalikan niya ako kaya kailangan ng sulitin.


"Why are you crying too, hmm?" Alexius asked softly when he pulled back.


He's cupping my cheek so he felt my warm tears. Hindi ko alam pero nasasaktan ako dahil ganito siya humalik. For sure, his girls will not forget the kisses they shared with him. It was so good! Hindi ako kumibo at tumitig lamang sa labi niya. My whole body heated up again when it was so moist, soft and sweet.


"Do you kiss your girls like this?" I pondered.


He paused from the question he heard from me. Napapikit ako nang hindi niya sagutin iyon at hinalikan muli ako sa mas mabilis at malalim na paraan. Even his nose fucking turn me on when it brushed my face. He also moved his body closer to me. Nakadagdag lamang sa init na nararamdaman ko ang init mula sa kanyang katawan.


I unconsciously traveled my palms while we were kissing. I placed it in his biceps from his shoulder, moving it lower and lower until I touched his abdomen. Napasinghap ako sa tigas. My hand trembled when I didn't expect the hardness.


"Tell me to stop when I did something you don't like..." Alexius whispered beside my ear.


Napaliyad naman ako sa gulat nang maramdaman ang isang kamay niya na nasa taas ng aking dibdib at mabagal na inaalis ang pagkakabutones ng aking pantulog. I gasped and became nervous.


He'll undress me?


"I'm not ready," I uttered while watching him unbuttoning my top. I don't know if I'll stop him, but I can't ignore the fact that I'm wondering what the next thing he'll do.


"Then stop me," he declared when he unfastened all the button. Nakagat ko ang aking labi nang hindi ako makapagsalita para patigilin siya sa anumang gagawin. Damn it, Solaire! What are you doing? Stop him!


"I can't..." I admit in frustration.


"Me too..."


After saying that, he kissed me again. It was still slow as if he was calculating and being careful in each of his movements. Sa gitna ng aming paghahalikan, sumabay na ang kanyang kamay na dahan-dahang humawi sa pantaas ko.


"Damn it," he cursed while gazing at me, wearing only a brassiere.


Labis akong pinangunahan ng kahihiyan sa pagsuri niya sa aking katawan. My breasts were slightly flat-chested. Hindi ko alam kung mahihiya ba ako pero sa huli ay hindi ko na lamang inisip. Bumawi naman ako sa mukha. It is already enough to redeem myself in my other flaws.


Alexius shifted his eyes at me as if he was waiting me to tell what I want him to do next. Tila takot siyang magkamali sa mga susunod na galaw. Maski ako hindi alam ang susunod naming gagawin pareho. I don't want to exceed but I don't want to stop yet.


I want more...


"Let's just kiss again. I don't want to scare you if I became aggressive," he declared.


Kinagat ko ang aking labi at mabagal na tumango.