Tainted Melodies (Ciudad de Escalante #5)

Phase 01

Every single person I've met told me how lucky I was to inherit my mother's eternal facade. No matter how often I told them they shouldn't make a certain person a standard because they should be the standard themselves.

No matter how argued that I am not a snapshot of a girl out of time — a girl who is missing in this imperfect realm.

No matter how overwhelming the praises I got for my entire existence, I just can't feel the satisfaction not because they aren't enough. Because, I know myself, I am not the person they thought I am today and a person that I will be. Alam ko sa sarili ko na kulang ako, na madami pang parte ng sarili ko ang hindi ko pa nakikita o hindi na kailanman makikita kung sakali.

But Mom says... I should be grateful because there's no need to waste a hundred thousand of money or even expensive make-up products to enhance each part of me, unlike her customers do to meet their prettiest version of themselves.

I should have, right?

I have something that others wished to have for, but can I be grateful if everyone fails to see and recognize the pitfalls of possessing something I didn't work hard for? Something that was only given out of a fortune.

And I hate myself for not being grateful and for not being satisfied. I hate how people believe that a bubble of beauty is clouded by appreciation, but the fact is, it is such a lonely place.

Nagpakawala ako nang malalim na hininga nang matitigan ang repleksyon ko sa metal na pintuan kung nasaan ako ngayon. Maybe, it is a door intended for emergency in this food park. Pinagmasdan kong muli ang aking repleksyon.

Even it is only a vague image of a young girl in her simple black short flare dress; I can see how defined my jaw is and how demanding it is for attention. I scanned my whole figure. My height and the maturity of my face played a climactic role in luring everyone about my age.

I guess it's all about our foreign genes.

Unless you're my schoolmate, you can never tell that I'm only eighteen — not twenty or even more than that. However, no matter how I changed as I grew up, all I can see whenever I look at myself in the mirror is a child of me who is unknown what reality is.

I was about to move my eyes to other details of my face to appreciate myself, but I dismissed the idea. If I became pretty aware of how my features stand out, I may sound arrogant, not confident.

But I don't mind it, in any case.

I don't care if I sound boastful or full of myself because it took me years to learn the value of self-love. What should I suppose to be loaded, anyway? Other people's validation?

Umiling ako at pinasadahan na lamang ang paligid.

I let thoughts have a demonic feast in my head again. Kung ganito lang sana ka-active ang utak ko pagdating sa eskwelahan, I think ninety-nine percent of my problems were solved now.

Pumasok na ako nang tuluyan sa loob ng isa sa mga bagong bukas at dinadadyuhang food park sa Ciudad De Escalante.

This is a place where Marahuyo, the vocalist of our band, had a part-time job. I have a deep affection for music, as you can tell. Our band, Counterclockwise, was formed back when I was sixteen.

Ako:

Where are you? Nandito na ako sa loob.

After I sent my message to Marahuyo, I consciously leaned against the counter where drinks were available. Iniisa-isa ko naman ang mga food stalls na nakikita sa paligid habang naghihintay ng mensahe pabalik. This food park was indeed successful I must say. Kung magtatagal pa ito, mas lalong kikita dahil halos mapuno ang first floor. It was a perfect place to unwind your stress and frustration.