Tainted Melodies (Ciudad de Escalante #5)

Phase 20

I couldn't count how many times I felt like I was just just a backup and never belonging. Sa dalawang taon at apat na buwan naming magkakasama sa banda, hindi ako kailanman nakaramdam ng ganito. Riona Valories's presence made me feel more alone. Having her as my bandmates' new friend, they never had a simple thought of me since she joined our circle.


"Bakit lima lang ang ticket? Dahil ba baka hindi na naman ako makasama kaya hindi na ako binigyan?" malamig na tanong ni Marahuyo.


Natigil ang tawanan nina Carly, Sydney, Aubrielle at Iori sa mesa. We are at the first floor of Intoxicant again. Katatapos lang ng aming gig at magmula noong nag-viral ang collaboration namin kasama si Iori, naging opisyal na rin siyang miyembro ng banda.


Due to public demand, we became a six-member band. Iori is the lead vocalist of Counterclockwise and Marahuyo is still our main.


"Nope, sa Pavillion ito. Sayang nga, eh. Nag-request ako na anim na pero hindi ako napagbigyan," malambot na pahayag ni Iori at nilapag sa mesa ang mga ticket.


Nanatili akong tahimik na sumisimsim sa aking inumin gaya ng palagiang ginagawa ko. I stared at the ticket on the table. It was the celebration of the Pavillion's anniversary. It was a famous and exclusive nightclub. We got invited again to perform.


Siguro, ang ikinatuwa ko lang sa pagsama ni Iori sa banda, sunud-sunod na ang mga imbitasyon at oportunidad para sa amin. Our followers and supporters also increased. Kung noon, bilang na bilang namin ang mga nanonood sa amin — ngayon, dinadayo na kami ng iba tao rito sa siyudad.


Last month, we also performed live in Nirvana Arena where Ariela Panciano's concert was held. She was a rising star and it was an honor that we got invited. Of course, it's because of Iori. Kasabayan niya kasing singer sa YouTube community.


Tapos noong nakaraang linggo rin, nakatanggap kami ng offer mula sa isang entertainment agency. Hanggang ngayon ay pinag-iisipan pa namin kung tatanggapin ba.


The agency is not that popular.


Wala pa ni isang sumisikat o naging successful mula sa kanila. Nagsisimula palang din dahil kaunti lang ang mga artist sa kanilang management. My bandmates were worried because if we signed the contract, baka wala kaming patunguhan.


But if you'll ask me, I'll accept the offer. Lahat naman kasi nagsisimula sa maliit. Paano makikita ang potensyal kung sa una palang ay pagdududahan na?


"E 'di huwag nalang tayong pumunta kung may maiiwan na isa sa atin," giit ni Marahuyo at umiiling na sumubo sa kanyang pagkain. Tahimik din akong kumain na lamang habang pinapakinggan ang reaksyon ng mga kabanda ko.


I heard the tickets are limited and kinda expensive. Libre lang nga kung tutuusin ang nakuha ni Iori pero mas ayos na rin sa akin na huwag nang pumunta kung may isang hindi makakasama. We should performed altogether.


"Huh? Hindi tayo tutuloy? Pero may darating na talent scouts doon! What if magka-interest sila sa atin?" si Aubrey na tunog nanghihinayang kung hindi kami dadalo.


"Oo nga, Leftover will be there too! We can't miss this chance," agap ni Carly at ngumuso. Marahuyo scoffed from the remarks she heard from our friends.


"Sige, sinong maiiwan? Ako? Dahil aalis na rin naman ako sa banda at may pwedeng pumalit sa akin anytime?" Marahuyo baffled sarcastically.


Natigilan ako sa nahimigang tono. She was always sweet and soft-spoken. I don't want to assume that we felt the same way but I think we are. In my case, I just felt like I was left out but for Marahuyo, we unintentionally made her feel replaceable. I don't want to make her feel that way but what could I do? 

Carly, Sydney, and Aubrielle are fond of our new member. They were really close.


"Hindi naman sa ganoon. They only gave me five tickets because they heard... one of us is only eighteen. Bawal sa Pavillion ang below twenty," nagdadalawang-isip na sambit ni Iori at tumingin sa akin.


I bit the straw of my Orange Creamsicle drink. Hindi ko agad nakuha ang nais niyang iparating kaya hindi ako kumibo. But when I finally process her statement, I fight the urge to roll my eyes and laughed bitterly.


I am not allowed, then. I just turned eighteen. Is that what she was trying to say? So ako ang hindi makakasama?


"Hindi rin naman ako papayagan ni Daddy sa mga bigating nightclub. You should all go, sayang ang opportunity at baka may maka-discover sa banda," wika ko at ngumiti.


It's fine...


"True, kahit may ticket ka, bawal ka pa rin makapasok..." pagsang-ayon ni Sydney kaya mas sinikap kong patatagin ang ngiti kong gustung-gusto nang mabura.


"So iiwan natin si Air?" natatawang tanong ni Marahuyo at binitawan ang hawak na kubyertos.


"We are not leaving her. Hindi lang siya pwede. Masyado siyang bata para sa mga ganoong lugar," pangangatwiran ni Aubrey at humarap muli kay Iori para pag-usapan kung sinu-sino pang mga sikat na banda at musikero ang dadalo sa Pavillion.


"But we are a group, guys. We shouldn't leave any one of us behind," Marahuyo asserted once more.


If I can just hug her right now, I would really do it to show I'm thankful that she never forget me. Kung wala siya, sigurado na kahit maglaho ako na parang bula rito, walang makakapansin.


They were all drawn to Iori.


It is always Iori!


"Wow, coming from you who's planning to leave the group first," Carly stated in a joking manner but Marahuyo didn't take it as an irony. Tumaas ang kilay niya at suminghap ng hindi makapaniwala.


"We already talked about it, right?" seryosong tanong niya kay Carly.


"Yup, we understand. Who doesn't like a solo spotlight anyway?" pangangatwiran ni Carly at diretsahang ininom ang isang baso ng tubig. Nakagat ko ang aking labi nang mag-iba ang ekspresyon ni Marahuyo mula sa narinig.


"Then you don't fully understand me if you think I'm doing this for a spotlight. Kung iiwan niyo si Air, hindi na rin ako sasama. The four of you can do it, you have Iori. A total package," aniya at malamig na tumayo.


"Marahuyo..." I called to stop her from fixing her things.


Nataranta ako ng mas bilisan niya ang pag-aayos ng gamit. Pinapanood lang siya ng mga kasama ko na tila walang pakialam kung aalis siya. I scoffed while looking at them. Hindi ba nila pipigilan man lang? Aubrielle has even the gut to continue her meal!


What's happening to them? Hindi naman sila ganito dati!


"Alis na muna ako," madiin niyang sabi at mabilis na tumalikod. I panicked and stood up from my seat. She's upset and hurt. I'm sure about it.


"Let her do what she wants, Air. Huwag mong pigilan ang gustong umalis," pahayag ni Carly kaya matalim ko siyang ginawaran ng tingin. Imbes na sundan si Marahuyo na tumakbo palabas, umupo akong muli at tiningnan sila isa-isa.


"Seriously? What's happening with the three of you, huh?" panimula ko dahil hindi ko na kayang kimkimin pa ang napapansin sa aming grupo sa mga nakalipas na buwan.


Ayos lang sana kung sa akin lang. I was left out, yes! But how could they do this to Marahuyo? Parang wala silang pakialam kung aalis siyang may mabigat na dinadamdam sa amin! Nakalimutan na yata nila na siya ang bumubuo ng bandang ito? We owe it to her.


"Dapat si Marahuyo ang tinatanong mo niyan. Why is she always Iike that? Hindi mo ba napapansin na parang galit siya kay Iori?" ani ni Aubrey.


I laughed and glanced at Iori who's just silent. Bahagya siyang nakayuko at nakatitig lang sa mga pagkain sa mesa.


"Sino bang hindi magagalit dahil nag-iba kayong lahat simula noong dumating siya?" I asserted. The three of them really changed since Iori came!


They're oblivious in our feelings. They keep neglecting our right to decide for the band too. Lagi nalang ang desisyon nila ang nasusunod at hindi na kami naalala man lang na tanungin.


Sydney's eyebrows crumpled. I gasped when Carly and Aubrey didn't also get what I mean. Of course, they wouldn't! They were always like this. Puro nalang kasi sila Iori. Wala ng ibang nakita kung hindi si Iori!


"So pati ikaw? Dahil ba hindi ka naging vocalist, galit ka na rin sa taong wala naman ginawa kung hindi tumulong lang sa banda?"


What?!


I ridiculously looked at Sydney.


"Kayo ang nag-iba ni Marahuyo noong sumama sa atin si Iori. Do you think I'll not notice your bratty attitude, Solaire?" dagdag ni Aubrey kaya mas lalong nanlaki ang mata ko sa gulantang.


Me? I have a bratty attitude?


"You're always silent and uninterested. Parang napipilitan ka nalang din mag-perform kasama namin," dugtong ni Aubrey.


My lips parted from the sarcastic scoffed I made. Kailan ako napilitan na mag-perform? Maybe, I'm uninterested and silent after the performance. Hindi naman kasi ako nakakasabay sa mga pinag-uusapan.


"Wow, so it's our fault now? It's our fault that we felt outcast here since she came? Sabagay, hindi niyo naman mapapansin 'yon," hindi makapaniwalang sambit ko.


"Outcast? We're not making you feel like that. Ikaw lagi ang dumidistansya sa sarili mo na parang ayaw mo na sa banda. Kung gusto mo na ring umalis, sabihin mo na habang maaga pa..." Carly mumbled and rolled her eyes.


I gasped. Hindi ako nakapagsalita at tila paninikip lamang sa dibdib ang tanging naramdaman.


"It didn't even crossed my mind that I'll leave the band! Kung may aalis man dito, bakit ako?" pangangatwiran ko at sinikap na panatilihin ang postura kahit labis na ang panghihina ko sa mga naririnig sa kanila.


They really changed. They're not the same anymore. How could they talk like this? How could they treat us like anybody? We dream together to pursue this passion. We promised to have each other's back in this field. Pero bakit nakalimutan na na nila lahat dahil may bago lang?


"Sino dapat ang umalis kung gano'n?" Sydney challenged.


Tears welled up at the rim of my eyes. I pressed my lips to prevent them from quivering more. Aubrielle chuckled bitterly and tilted her head to look at Iori's direction. Napasinghap ako nang makita na siyang umiiyak ng tahimik. Why the fuck she's crying, huh? It's all her fault! Nakokonsensya na ba siya? Nakakaramdam na ba na iniiba niya lahat nang nakasanayan namin?


Nataranta silang tatlo nang makita ring umiiyak si Iori. Dinaluhan siya agad ni Carly para patahanin. On the other side, Aubrey glared at me.


"Why are you acting like this, Solaire? Malaki na rin ba ang sama ng loob mo kay Iori kaya siya ang gusto mong umalis?"


I gulped, can't find anything to say because there's really a part of me that I really want Iori to be out of our group. But it doesn't mean that it's all on negative sides. Gusto ko lang talagang bumalik ang lahat kung paano kami noon.


"Solaire is right, mas mabuti sigurong hindi muna ako sumali. Nasisira ang pinagsamahan niyo dahil sa akin," Iori cried.


I shut my eyes in frustration.


"No, you didn't ruin anything, Iori. Don't think like that," giit ni Carly at sinamaan ako ng tingin.


"Solaire, mag-sorry ka..." aniya kaya napangiti ako nang mapakla. Me? I'll apologize?


"Why would I do that, huh? Siya naman talaga dapat ang umalis," giit ko.


Aubrielle scoffed.


"Kung kayang ikaw nalang? Tutal aalis na rin si Marahuyo at sundan mo na! You're just like her. We don't need someone like the two of you anymore," madiin niyang pahayag kaya napaawang ang bibig ko.


Is she really the Aubrielle I knew?


"Yeah, Aubrey is right. You don't want to be with us anyway so what's the point? Bakit kailangan pang pilitin ang sarili niyo sa amin?" dagdag ni Carly na nakapagparagasa ng mga luha na kanina ko pa pinipigilan. Bumilis ang aking paghinga at hindi na makakita ng maayos dahil sa pag-iyak. Maging ang boses ko, parang sinukuan ako.


"F-Fine. It feels like you have the decision already. Thank you for the two years and four months. I quit," deklara ko at inayos na ang mga gamit.


I sobbed harder in pain and disappointment when it looked like they have no plans to stop me. Pero, para saan pa? Marahuyo is right. They have Iori. She's a total package. Mas magaling, mas makakatulong, mas mag-aangat at mas mas madaming fans. They don't need me anymore.


Binagalan ko ng kaunti ang pagliligpit para umasa sa huling pagkakataon na baka bawiin nila o baka pigilan pa ako pero sana hindi na lamang ako nag-expect. They are only watching me as if my absence in the band it's not a big deal.


Pinahid ko ang mga maiinit na luha at isinukbit na ang bag. Dahan-dahan akong tumalikod at walang narinig ni isang salita sa kanila. I bit my lip and sighed heavily before I decided to finally walk away. It's okay, Solaire. You'll be able to do this even you're alone.


Naglakad ako patungo sa exit habang nanlalabo pa rin ang mga mata. I don't really want to leave the band. It's my life but I can't breathe there anymore. Umiiyak ko pa ring tinahak ang daan palabas nang may makasalubong ako. I thought I'll bump thoroughly on his chest when he halted right away and held both of my elbows.


"Don't fucking touch me, will you?" asik ko sa irita nang maramdaman ang pamilyar na kamay sa aking balat. I can't see him clearly but I already knew it was Alexius' hands based on the warmness and the way he held me with so much gentleness.


"What happened? Why are you crying?" nag-aalalang tanong niya at hinawakan ang baba ko para iangat ng kaunti ang aking ulo.


I breathed and wiped my tears harshly. I glared at him in irritation, or maybe because from the concern I felt in his tone. Why he's acting like this again, huh? Nakipag-break na naman ba siya sa current girlfriend niya kaya ngayon lang ako naisipang lapitan at kausapin?


"That's none of your business," I scowled and moved my arms away from him. Nawala ang pagkakahawak niya sa aking magkabilang siko. Akmang lalakad na muli ako palayo nang mabilis siyang naglakad sa aking harapan para harangin ang daanan.


"I'll drive you home," aniya ngunit hindi ko pinakinggan.


Linagpasan ko siya para makalabas na. I hissed in impatience and mouthed a low curse. I could still feel his presence behind me when I stepped outside the clubhouse. Sinundan pa talaga ako! Napasabunot ako ng buhok at iritableng sinipa ang bato na sa aking paanan.


"Can you please stop following me? Isa ka pa, eh!" singhal ko nang maamoy siya sa aking tabi.


My anger fueled when he chuckled. Pinilig niya ang kanyang ulo na parang nasisiyahan sa nakikita sa akin. I know, I looked like a mess right now. I put on some mascara and eyeliner earlier. Hindi waterproof ang mga iyon at siguradong nagkalat na sa mukha ko.


"What did I do, huh? Bakit pati sa akin galit ka?" nanunuyang tanong niya.


Hindi ako kumibo. Buti naman alam niyang galit din ako sa kanya! Remember what he told me last time? He said, I should expect him wearing his uniform in Ridgeview. Pero pagkatapos pala no'n, hindi na ako kakausapin ng halos dalawang linggo dahil may natipuhang kaklase at naging girlfriend niya. Damn him! Sana pala hindi ko nalang sinabi na bumalik siya sa pag-aaral kung haharot lang siya.


"Come on, say something or we can talk inside my car. Ihahatid na kita," malambot niyang sabi niya at kinuha na ang susi sa bulsa. Mas sumiklab ang irita ko nang makita ang susi. It is the key in his Maserati!


"Ayoko. I'm not one of your girls. Kaya kong umuwi mag-isa," I claimed.


Akala niya ba hindi ko rin malalaman iyon? Siguradong hindi lang si Pavia o 'yung kaklase niya ang isinakay niya sa sasakyang iyon! Their IG story is the evidence. Who knows what the hell they're doing in that car?


Alexius sighed.


"You're not one of my girls. I just want to drive you home," aniya kaya natawa ako ng mapait.


"Your statements and actions contradicted with each other, Alexius. Hindi ba iyon naman ang mga ginagawa mo sa mga babae mo? Hinahatid sila pauwi? Kaya anong pinagkaiba ko sa kanila?" agap ko.


"You're different. I never drop my girls in their homes. If you're one of them, I'll bring you in my condo with me," pangangatwiran niya na nakapagpaharap sa akin sa kanya ng wala sa oras.


He shrugged and raised a brow. Mas tumalim ang titig ko nang makita ang pagpipigil niya ng mapaglarong halakhak. Hindi man nakaramdam ng kaba na galit talaga ako. He thinks everything is a joke!


Leche siya. Dinadala sa condo? What a jerk. He's really a jerk. He's the jerkiest of them all!


"What am I then? Ihahatid mo as a friend?" pamimilosopo ko at umirap.


"Hmm, as a friend then," he chuckled.


I hissed.


Kumunot ang noo niya sa pag-ismid ko.


"What's that hissed for? You don't like me as your friend?" panunukso niya kaya iritable akong tumango. Umirap ako nang makita ang pagkalito niya sa aking pagtango. I don't really like him as my friend!


"Why?" he asked softly.


"You're a playboy and a smoker," madiin kong sabi. Those two qualities disqualified him right away. Ngumiti siya at tumango sa mga narinig mula sa akin.


"I'll quit smoking from now on." Umarko ang isang kilay ko. I also crossed my arms and gave him a challenging look. Is he serious? Titigil na talaga siya? Aish! Here he is again! He's making me confused when it feels like I can rule him and I have a big impact on his decisions.


"Paninigarilyo lang? 'Yung pambabae mo, hindi?"


Tumikhim siya at tinitigan ako ng diretso sa mata. Napalunok ako sa namumuong kaba mula sa kanyang tingin. Why he's staring deeply? Masyadong tagos. I could feel his stares on my skin.


"Just tell me you're jealous," aniya. I bit my lip. Is that a condition? That's it? I just need to tell him I'm jealous? Then what? What will happen after?


I don't want him to think that I'm jealous but it doesn't bother me either if he'll know. I don't know myself anymore! I'm not even sure if this is jealousy or what. Basta nakakairita kapag nababalewala niya ako para sa ibang babae. And knowing that fact that he'll kiss them too like the way he kisses me? It angers me to the extent.


"Paano... kung nagseselos ako?" nagdadalawang isip kong sabi.


A soft manly laughter rose from his throat. Hindi ko muling maiwasang mapahanga sa paglitaw ng dimples niya sa simpleng pagtawa. Tumuwid siya sa pagkakatayo at inilagay sa bulsa ng pantalon ang dalawang kamay. I gulped when he moved a step closer and peered down to paralleled my eyes.


"If you're jealous, what do you want me to do?" he asked back.


I lowered my head and pressed my lips against each other. Huminga ako nang malalim at nag-isip. What do I want him to do anyway? I swallowed the huge lump in my throat again before I spoke.


"Wala kang kailangan gawin, magseselos lang ako."


He smiled.


"I don't want you getting jealous though," he whispered.


"Kapag ba sinabi kong tumigil ka sa pambababae, titigil ka talaga? Hindi naman," I complained.


"It's hard. Flirting around is the only thing that makes me occupied," he chortled. I rolled my eyes. Wow. Kita mo na? Malamang mahirap talaga sa mga kagaya niyang eksperto sa pangongolekta ng mga babae. Bwisit siya.


"But for you... I will stop, Solaire. Just tell me if you're really jealous," he continued.


After saying that, I felt his gentle grip on my wrist. I gasped. His hand is so warm and it's damn weird to feel I'm secured from a guy like him. Hindi ako nakapagsalita at ang tanging alam ko na lamang ay iginiya niya na ako patungo sa kanyang sasakyan.