Tainted Melodies (Ciudad de Escalante #5)

Phase 11

(tw: self-harm)

I woke up from the melodies of a palpitating pulse from a vast volume of water. It was steady, mnemonic, and peaceful. The murmuring of the waves was hypnotic. Dahan-dahan kong minulat ang aking mata at unang bumungad sa akin ang isang nakabukas na balcony.


It was wide open. I rubbed my eyes to see a clearer vision. My lips parted when I saw a majestic view outside.


A dreamy sea has a rhythmic beat to it unmatched by any other part of nature. It forges its sounds and kindles its own symphony. On the other side, I can see the city lights from afar and a famous Ferris wheel located in Ciudad De Amores.


I thought I was dreaming. I am lying in a king-size bed like a sleeping beauty. Dumulas ang comforter sa aking katawan nang sikapin kong umupo mula sa pagkakahiga para mapag-aralan kung nasaan ako.


It was dark, so that I couldn't see figures that well. But I'm sure I was in a huge room that screams masculinity. My only light came from the city lights outside. The feeble brightness was barely enough for me to make out anything.


The last time I remember, I was in Alexius' car. I don't know how I end up here. Maybe I fell asleep and carried myself in his bed. It is his room. This pillow smells like him. The bedsheets smell like him too. But I don't have an idea where I am. There's a sea outside.


Perhaps, we are still at the Ciudad De Amores because that city is connected to El Costa Vivero — a coastal area.


Umalis ako sa kama at lumabas sa balcony.


I gasped when I traveled my eyes around the surroundings. Mukhang nag-iisa lang itong bahay na ito na nakatayo rito. It is also surrounded by trees! The area is isolated from everyone. Why are we here? I think I'm not sleeping that long. Hindi pa sumisikat ang araw.


Where's Alexius then? Bahay niya ba ito?


Bumalik ako sa loob. I searched for the door and decided to go down. Hindi gaya nang sa itaas, may ilaw dito sa ibaba ngunit dim lang. The first thing I saw was a billiard table. There's huge monitor couches that serve as an entertainment center and gaming rig.


There's a beer fridge and a bar counter too. I can also spot an audiophile's lair at another corner, arcades, and his collection of action figures. There's a secret door that triggered my curiosity. Wow. Everything is just... extravagant.


This area is a man cave. Alexius' man cave that yells how fucking rich he is. The interior, the equipment, and even the furniture seemed luxurious, like his cars.


But what makes me surprise the most is the gun cabinet at the corner. There's... a rifle! Is it real or just a replica?


Natigilan ako sa pagmamasid sa paligid nang makarinig ako ng sunud-sunod na pagkabasag sa labas! Something broke. What is that? A glass? Napaatras akong muli sa gulat nang marinig ulit iyon.


The sound shattered the silence of the place.


Kinakabahan akong naglakad patungo sa pintuan na sa tingin ko ay labasan. Hindi ako nagkamali nang sumalubong ang malakas na ihip ng hangin sa akin. I was outside. I can clearly hear the crashes of waves. Luminous petals of silver freckled the sky. Trees serve as a barrier to hide this place from other people.


Then I saw Alexius' naked back. The dimples at the bottom of his spine is an asset. He's only wearing his trousers. Nakaupo siya sa pahabang upuan. He's holding a brown bottle of beer. He drank it continuously until it was empty. Mukhang hindi niya ramdam ang presensya ko na nanonood lang ng tahimik dito.


Pagkatapos maubos, tumayo siya at nilagay ang bote sa maliit na mesa na nasa malayo. It was three or four meters away from him. Then, he sat again where he was sitting awhile ago.


My eyes squinted when he got something under the chair.


Napatakip ako sa aking bibig nang makita ang hawak niya.


It... it was a fucking revolver!


What the hell? What is he trying to do?! Why does he have a gun? Where did he get that? So the rifle in that damn cabinet is real?!


I gulped when he loaded it with one bullet and spun the cylinder-like he was playing a deadly Russian roulette. He slowly stretched his arm, placing the muzzle in the direction of the bottle...


And fucking pulled the trigger!


I covered my ears from that shocking and penetrating noise.


Nanlamig ako at nanghina. Nabasag ang bote gaya ng naririnig ko kanina! What the hell is he doing?! Nanubig ang mata ko nang marinig ang pagtawa niya na parang dismayado kung bakit naasinta niya ang bote.


Ito ba ang pinagkakaabalahan niya magmula kanina? Why is he doing this? I sobbed in fear while watching him open a bottle of beer again and play the revolver in his hand as if it was only a toy. I can't understand what's happening. Why he's doing this? I don't know if I'll walk near to stop him.


He's holding a gun, and he looks like he's drunk!


He drank three bottles already. Baka wala na siya sa katinuan. What if he lost his mind and shot me if I interfered? No, Solaire. Don't think like that...


But fuck. I can't!


Hindi ko pa lubusang naipapasok sa isip ko ang mga pangyayari nang makita ang sumunod niyang galaw. He loaded the revolver again with bullet and spin the cylinder. He's putting one bullet at a time for a game of luck! Hindi niya nilagay sa mesa ang bote kaya labis ang takot na naramdaman ko sa kung anong binabalak niya.


Masyadong mabilis ang sumunod niyang galaw na hindi ko napaghandaan.


My eyes widened when he slowly placed the tip of the revolver in his temple! Ang tanging alam ko na lang ay napaupo ako sa sahig, nanlalaki ang mata, hinahabol ang mabilis na paghinga at hindi makatayo sa panghihina.


Alexius pulled the trigger while aiming it in his temple...


Oh, God.


Tell me; this is not true!


"Damn, why you're not working when it's my turn?" I heard him complain, talking to the revolver. It sounds like he's disappointed at the noxious weapon because it didn't fucking kill him!


Putangina.


Nasa tamang pag-iisip pa ba siya? Bakit niya ginagawa ito?! Ilang beses niya ginagawa ito?! Is his life that boring so he's doing this? Is his life that painful to attempt suicide?!


Hindi man siya nagdalawang-isip kanina na iputok iyon sa ulo niya! Paano kung minalas siya at namatay?!


This is impossible.


This is insane!


"Solaire, where are you? Kanina pa kami nagtetext at tumatawag sa'yo..." Sydney uttered problematically on the other line.


Oh, I forgot. We have plans today and we'll go to Huerta Angeles to perform. Bumangon ako sa kinahihigaan at naglakad patungo sa nakabukas na balcony.


It is already morning. It feels like I am on vacation due to the beach-like view outside. Golden fingers of sunlight lit up the scene. The dawn chorus of melodic birdsong drifted in. Bukod sa himig ng mga ibon, ang tunog lang ng alon at ihip ng hangin ang tanging maririnig.


"Magsisimula palang naman mamayang hapon. Mauna na kayo at susunod nalang —" sambit ko ngunit hindi ko natapos ang sinasabi nang naputol ang linya.


I sighed and tried to open my cellphone but it's low battery. Bumalik ako sa loob ng kwarto para maghanap ng charger o kahit power bank man lang pero wala akong nakita. I tiredly placed my cellphone at the bed and lie again to sinked everything I witnessed here in this place.


This is a lost paradise. It is the setting of the story of the demon who hides his mystery here in this place, and when an angel came here accidentally — she had a glimpse of his cruelty.


A demon's cruelty not to other people but himself.


Tumulala ako sa kisama habang unti-unting bumabalik sa alaala ko ang nasilayan ko kanina. I'm losing my strength again remembering those. I can't understand Alexius. I'm worried why he's doing this.


First, his reckless driving. Second, he was shooting his head using that revolver. It seemed to me that he likes to die, and death doesn't scare him. Ate Solana told me he's broken and ruined. It didn't make sense when she said that to me, but I think it's slowly making sense now.


I don't know much about poor mental health and how damaging its effect is in our daily lives. Is he suicidal? Depressed? Losing his will to live? I don't know. All I knew is feelings — no matter how shallow it is, no matter that other people experienced the worst than you're experiencing, your emotions are valid.


Huminga ako nang malalim at napapikit.


I put another piece of the puzzle of him in their place but still, it's hard to figure out. He's a fucking mystery. He's occupying my head since the first day I met him. It isn't very clear.


Alexius may be a villain in everyone's story, but I think he's just a lost hero.


I hadn't seen a person who's lost in their own home until I met him. This place is relaxing. Just hearing the beautiful vibration of waves, getting a perfect view of the glowing medallion in the sky, birds perched in the trees outside, and pouring out their melodious songs to remind you it's a blessed morning and life is worth living...


Ilang minuto ang tinagal ko sa pagkakahiga nang mapagdesisyunan na pumasok sa banyo at maghilamos. Thankfully, there was an unused towel, toothbrush and mouthwash. I did all the important routines before I went out.


Wala akong naramdamang presensya nang makatuntong muli sa man cave na nasa ibaba. Where's Alexius? I'm sure he went inside after doing that dangerous thing. Then, he placed the revolver inside the gun cabinet where the rifle was. He's occupied, so he didn't feel that I was just nearby, watching him.


Mukhang hindi niya na gagawin ulit iyon kaya tahimik akong bumalik sa kwarto at nakatulugan ang sumunod na oras.


Pinasadahan ko ang paligid.


The other door, which seemed like a secret door, provoked my curiosity. I walked to see what was there.


When I went inside, I sighed in relief.


There's nothing strange. Unang bumungad sa akin ang living room at sa kabila ay ang dining area na at kitchen na may double-door fridge. Dumapo ang tingin ko sa hagdanan at napansin na daan din ito patungo sa kwarto na tinulugan ko sa itaas.


Unlike the man cave, the walls in this part of the house are transparent. They were made of glass so I could see the trees and the sea outside. Mukhang wala talagang ibang tao sa labas at kaming dalawa lang ang narito.


"Alexius?" I called when I can't find him. It's already past nine o'clock. We need to eat breakfast. Natutulog pa ba siya? Mukhang wala ng ibang kwarto bukod sa kama kung saan ako natulog.


I bit my lip and became worried.


Where is he?


Lumabas ako at nakita na kotse niya lang at mga bote na nabasag kanina ang nasa may gilid ng garage area. He's not also here. Pumasok ulit ako at nakaramdam ng uhaw. I went in the kitchen and shamelessly opened the fridge.


There's a lot of food and beverages inside. Nang makakuha ng maiinom, naningkit ang mata ko sa mga sticky notes na nakadikit sa fridge. It is a reminder of his schedule at work.


"Saturday — photoshoot in Lakeview Memorial at 11:00 AM. Garden Cress at 2:00 PM. Shiny Collective at 4:30 PM. Sael Aurora's birthday."


Alexius has a lot of appointments today. Umalis na ba siya dahil eleven o'clock ang unang trabaho niya? But his car is still outside. Maybe he's still sleeping. But he needs to get ready in his work. Sasabay nalang ako paalis para makasunod kina Sydney sa Huerta Angeles.


"Alexius?" I called again but I didn't heard a response. Nakuha ng atensyon ko ang isang pintuan pa kaya iyon ang pinasok ko.


It is a sophisticated common bathroom. Hindi ako nagkamali at nakita si Alexius na natutulog sa hair wash chair. Why he's sleeping there? Based on the towel he's holding and his clothes at the bathtub counter, I think he's planning to take a bath, but he fell asleep.


He's wearing nothing at the top. I scrunched my nose when he reeked of alcohol. He drank too much. I stared at him while he was sleeping. He looked tired, stressed, and... it was obvious he was having a hard time. He's not the same Alexius when he's awake.


He looked fragile... broken. A tinge of sadness sprouted inside me. I can tell he's been through a lot without knowing the whole story.


"Is life being harsh to you? Are you tired of enduring it for a long time? Do you want to leave this world that much?" I asked the unconscious Alexius.


Lumapit ako sa kanya at yumuko para pagmasdan ang kanyang maaliwalas na mukha. The way he inhaled even told me he's having a trouble in breathing. What are things that made you like this? They're really heavy?


"If death doesn't scares you, it means you can do everything... so keep breathing. You're strong enough to take the risk of being alive," malambot kong sambit at inalis ang kaunting buhok na tumatabon sa kanyang mata.


"You're great at hiding your sorrows, but you forgot your eyes can speak—the best storyteller. Rest from the character you've been portraying in the world and engage yourself in the new story you are willing to create," I whispered and touched his long eyelashes.


I traveled my fingers from his eyes down to the straightedge of his nose and removed the minimal dirt in his left cheek. I can't help to admire him. I'll be honest for now.


He's pretty.


Tumuwid na ako sa pagkakatayo at sinulyapan ang shampoo at faucet. I slightly moved his head at the basin and began to wet his soft hair using the showerhead. He needs to prepare already for his work. I'll just wake him up after I finish washing his hair.


I was massaging his scalp when I noticed him slowly opening his eyes. He's finally awake. I smiled when he looked at me. His face was inverted from my point of view, but still, he's pretty or — beyond that.


"Uh, you have an appointment at eleven o'clock. I just want to help you to prepare. You didn't have enough sleep, so I didn't wake you up," I said while massaging his hair.


I bit my lowerlip when he kept staring at me. Huminga ako nang malalim at pinagtuunan na lang ng pansin ang kanyang buhok kahit unti-unti akong nakakaramdam ng kakaiba sa titig niya. His stares were like needles, pricking upon my skin, leaving a trail of goosebumps.


"How's your sleep?" he asked and closed his eyes.


"Maayos naman. Your room has a perfect spot. I like the view outside..."


"That's good to hear," he whispered.


Sinindihan kong muli ang tubig para mabanlawan na ang kanyang buhok. Like what I'm doing earlier, I keep massaging his scalp and running my fingers in his hair to rinse everything properly.


"Hmm, nasaan pala tayo? Are you living alone here?" tanong ko habang hinahanap ang tuwalya. I turned off the faucet. Wala ng natirang shampoo kaya pwede nang patuyuin.


Alexius opened his eyes, watching me with confusion as I walked away from him.


"Tapos na?" he asked, ignoring my question.


"Yup," tipid kong sagot at kinuha ang dalawang maliit na tuwalya na nakasabit sa may pintuan.


His expression softened. Natawa ako nang mahina dahil parang nabitin siya sa pagbabanlaw na ginawa ko. My hands did a great job, huh? Naglakad akong muli sa kanyang direksyon para sa susunod na gagawin. I wrapped one towel on his shoulders and the other one on his hair.


"Upo ka. So I can dry your hair properly..." I instructed.


Napangiti ako nang sundin niya iyon. He opened his thighs a little so I can fit in between. I focused myself on wiping his temple and forehead. Pagkatapos, ang buhok niya ang pinunasan ko para mawala ang pagkabasa. I took a glance at him and he's only watching me silently.


"We are still in Ciudad De Amores, right?" I asked again. He didn't answer where we are right now.


"Maybe," he replied, still staring intensely.


I glared at him when I read something naughty playing in his mind. O baka ganito naman lagi siya tumingin at sadyang malisyosa lang ako? He chuckled cutely when I swiftly covered his eyes with the towel. His stares are meaningful! Damn. Why is he thinking, huh?


"Remove this, Solaire..." natatawang pakiusap niya at hinawakan ang tuwalya na nakatakip sa kanyang mata.


"You're staring like you want to undress me!" I accused.


"How did you fucking know that?" he asked, a little bit amused. I jokingly punched his bare chest.


What a pervert.


His laughter became louder. Natawa rin ako dahil nakakahawa iyon. It is cute and really contagious. I can sense it is genuine too. His mood changed that fast? Parang kanina lang, pinagbagsakan at gusto nang lisanin ang mundo.


Smiles are easily understood than tears. You're good at hiding it, Alexius. You successfully conceal everything with a smile.


"I can feel it! Tsk, take a shower already. You need to prepare for your work. May pupuntahan pa ako ngayong araw kaya sabay na tayong umalis."


He snickered. "Who said I'll work today?"


"I saw your schedule. You have a lot of appointments," paalala ko.


"I already canceled those," aniya.


Huh? Canceled? Bakit naman? Natigilan ako sa pagpupunas ng kanyang buhok. Napansin niya ang pagtigil ko kaya inalis niya ng mabilis ang tuwalya na nakatakip sa kanyang mata.


"So hindi ka aalis ngayon? Dito ka lang?"


He nodded.


"Where's this place exactly? Papasundo nalang ako rito."


"Do you think I'll tell you that?" he agitated. Alexius raised his eyebrows and passively crossed his arms. He stared at me once more as if he could see the depth of my inner soul.


"This is my lair. I'll never tell you where on Earth this place is. You might come back here without telling me. If you want to go home, find a way. Don't bother me to drive you. It's my rest day," dugtong niya at walang mababakas na pagbibiro.


Bahagya akong napanguso. I'll find a way by my own? Hindi niya ako ipagda-drive man lang palabas? It looked like it's in the middle of nowhere! Paano kung maligaw ako?


"My parents will freak out when I didn't inform them exactly where I am," namomroblemang saad ko at nag-isip kung paano makakauwi.


My phone died too. But for sure, he has a charger. Hahanapin ko nalang sa buong bahay niya kung maaari. Technology can locate this place anyway even he didn't tell me where it is. I smirked. Hindi niya ba naisip iyon?


"That's your problem. Not mine. I warned you. You'll regret coming with me..." aniya at tumayo.


Dinampot niya ang kanyang damit at sinabit iyon bago siya pumasok sa shower area. I panicked when he touched his waistband. Mukhang tatanggalin niya ang pang-ibabang damit.


"Wait! What are you doing?" A stupid question flew from my lips when it was obvious that he was removing his remaining clothes!


"I'll take a shower. If you want to watch me, go ahead. I don't mind. Everything is exposed in the world already."


What the hell?


Mabilis akong nagmartsa palabas habang nag-iinit ang buong mukha. Napapikit ako nang marinig ang kanyang munting halakhak sa banyo nang padabog kong sinara ang pintuan.


Why would I watch him, huh?