Tainted Melodies (Ciudad de Escalante #5)

Phase 21

Hello
Are you awake right now?
God, I just need to hear the sound of you
Please, calm me down

Monochrome — a single word that could describe my life without the band. For almost a week, I didn't hear anything from them. Bukod kay Marahuyo na nagtataka dahil wala ako sa practice at gigs, wala na talaga. Carly and Aubrielle already unfollowed me on my social media.

And I know that it's selfish, but
You are the only thing that's
Ever made sense to me, I
I don't wanna do this
I don't know how to do this without you

Hindi ko alam kung ako ba ang kailangang gumawa ng aksyon at kausapin sila o dapat lang na hayaan ng ganito at huwag ipagsisiksikan ang sarili ko. They don't need me anymore, right? Madali lang naman akong palitan bilang lead guitarist nila pero kapag naiisip ko lahat ng pinagsamahan namin, ang hirap lang.

Cling to your side
Voices at night
Cover my eyes
I'm terrified
No in between
A face on a screen
Ain't an adequate replacement for your being with me
Yeah, yeah

I cried, and celebrate our small success with them. Kung ano ako ngayon, parte sila roon. At siguro may mga tao talagang hanggang doon nalang at hindi mo na makakasama sa hinaharap. Kaya kailangan matutong mangarap mag-isa at magsumikap na sarili mo lang ang nariyan para sa'yo. It's hard but it doesn't mean it's impossible.

Too much time in the limelight
Gimme your all on the land line
Want it so bad but I won't lie
And it just gets worse in the night time

"Are you okay, Solaire?"


Natigilan ako sa pag-iisip nang marinig ang boses ni Kuya Phoenix sa aking tabi. We are at our pool area with Ate Solene's friends. He's helping me to polish my songs. Kumurap ako at napatitig sa gitarang hawak. Tumigil pala ako saglit sa pagkanta.


Tumikhim ako at ngumiti.


"Ayos lang, Kuya. May naisip lang..." I muttered and breathed in again to positioned my fingers on my acoustic guitar. I was going to strummed again when Kuya Phoenix held the guitar to stop me from creating any sounds. Kumunot ang noo ko nang kuhanin niya ang gitara sa akin at ilapag sa mesa.


"That's it for today. Just remember everything I told you," aniya at ibinaba ang music notebook kung saan ko lahat sinusulat lahat ng mga gawa ko.


I nodded slightly and traveled my eyes around. Millicent and Hyacinth were laughing with Ryder and Sky. Mukhang masaya ang pinagkukuwentuhan nila kaya wagas kung makatawa. Archangel was here too, but he went inside. I envy how happy they were. I hope I'll be back in my usual self — the cheerful and optimistic Solaire.


Naningkit naman ang mata ko nang makita sina Ate Solene at Deion na naghaharutan sa isang sulok ng pool. Nagbubulungan at nagtatawanan din nang mahina. I shook my head when Ate is being playful again. Her legs were locked on Deion's hips while her hands were resting freely on his broad shoulders.


"Do you have a boyfriend already, Air?"


My eyes widened from what Kuya Phoenix said. Mabilis akong umiling sa kanya at nakitang may binabasa siya sa aking notebook. I gulped when he's reading the last draft I made. Siguradong nanibago siya dahil iba ito sa lahat ng mga nagagawa ko.


I mostly write songs about a rarely heard person, but this time, it was my voice.


"Wala po, Kuya. Bawal pa ako magka-boyfriend. Magagalit si Daddy," ani ko at napanguso sa kaba nang ngumisi siya.


"You look inspired but, at the same time, brokenhearted. How about a crush? It's normal at your age so nothing to hide from me," aniya kaya bumuntong-hininga ako.


Crush? Hindi ko na alam kung kailan ako huling nagka-crush. Or I never had one ever since. I mean, a person who's possible to have a relationship with. I'm only into Hollywood actors, musicians and celebrities. Kaya hindi ko alam kung paghanga ba ang tawag dito dahil hindi naman kahanga-hanga si Alexius. He's the jerkiest guy I've ever met. I couldn't believe I'm letting him occupied my mind since the day he kissed me.


"Baka crush ko nga talaga siya..." dismayado kong sabi. I'm disappointed in myself for having a crush on a guy like him. But still, he's making me giddy, anxious, and irritated in his playfulness. I always like how mixed my emotions are when I'm with him.


Kuya Phoenix chuckled.


"Who? A classmate?"


I shook my head.


"He's older than me..." panimula ko. Kuya Phoenix's lips parted a little. Umayos siya sa pagkakaupo at napaisip.


"How old is he? At my age?"


Umiling ako sa pangalawang pagkakataon. Alexius is two years younger.


"He'll turn twenty-one in two months," sagot ko at napangiti nang tipid.


"Hmm, he's not that old for you. Don't take this heartbreak seriously. You're pretty, maraming iba riyan."


I chuckled at Kuya's reminders. Kinuha ko na lamang ang gitara para magpaturo muli dahil mamaya palang ang alis ko. I should focus on myself. He's right. Madami namang iba. There were a lot of guys who likes to court me. Maybe, this thing I have for Alexius is just temporary. I'll stick with my standards.



Tristan:


Hindi ka magpe-perform? Bakit? I went here to watch you.



Ako:


I'll tell you later. But thanks for looking forward to my performance, Tristan. It's the best thing about today.



Itinago ko na ang aking cellphone sa bulsa pagkatapos i-send ang reply. I released two consecutive heavy breaths while staring at my reflection in the mirror infront of me. I'm here at Intoxicant's restroom. Yumuko ako sa sink at napagpasyahan na maghilamos para mawala ang kaba kahit papa'no.


Earlier, I tried to talk to my bandmates but my courage betrayed me. It broke me the moment I saw them preparing together for tonight's gig — laughing and smiling sweetly with each other. Mukhang hindi naman sila gaanong naapektuhan sa pagkawala namin ni Marahuyo.


Habang ako, parang naputulan ng isang paa. Music has been my life and it feels like those days, I was deprived of air. Malaki ang puwang ang narito mula noong araw na hindi na ako dumalo sa mga gig. I was running out of a reason of what to look forward in every single day. Nothing excites me anymore after school. I miss performing on stage.


I made a quick retouched on my face before stepping out. Sinikap kong hindi tumingin sa stage kung saan nakapwesto na ang mga kabanda ko at magsisimula na ring tumugtog maya-maya. I sighed in relief when I saw a familiar face, leaning against the wall. I thought I'll be alone here.


"Paano mo nalaman na nasa loob ako?" I asked in curiosity. Umalis sa pagkakasandal si Tristan at nahihiyang hinaplos ang batok nang maglakad ako sa kanyang harapan. It looked like he's waiting for me. I texted him awhile ago that I'm here in Intoxicant too.


"Hmm, I searched for you around. Hindi kita nakita," he whispered and lowered his head as if he's avoiding my eyes. I chuckled and shook my head a bit. He's always like this. Kahit noong unang beses kaming nagkita, parang ayaw akong tingnan sa mata.


"So, sinong kasama mo?" I asked.


"Teammates ko..."


Inilibot ko ang mata sa paligid para tingnan kung may naka-varsity jacket din na katulad niya. My face lit up when I saw a group wearing exactly like him. Kaso agad lumukot ang mata ko nang makilala na sila 'yung mga kasama niya noon.


"Mukhang hinahanap ka na yata?" I commented when some of them were gawking at us. May ibang nagtataka dahil magkausap kami.


I looked at Tristan with confusion when I noticed his hesitation in whatever he wanted to say. I sighed. I don't want to conclude, but I think we felt the same way. It's tough if you feel like you do not belong in the group.


"Wala akong kasama. Is it okay if you'll join me?" pagbabakasakali ko at tinuro ang bar counter kung saan may available na upuan. Tristan's eyes widened. He gulped and stared at the place I'm referring to. I smiled and shrugged.


"Let's go?" anyaya ko at naglakad na patungo roon. Binagalan ko ang aking lakad para maabutan niya ako. He took him a few seconds to follow me. Pagkarating, umupo ako kaagad sa highchair at ganoon din ang ginawa niya.


"Anong sa'yo? My treat," I uttered and called the barista to order my usual drink, which is Orange Creamsicle.


"Uh, hindi na. I'm the guy, Solaire. I should pay for the two of us," Tristan said. Nanlaki ang mata ko ng agad niyang iniabot ang credit card at sinabi ang order niya. I sighed.


"Sa susunod, libre ko..." paalala ko sa kanya. I blinked when his eyes widened again as if I said something surprising.


Umayos siya sa pagkakaupo. Pinaglapat niya ang dalawang palad upang ikiskis sa isa't-isa. I laughed lowly. I think he's not uncomfortable with me. Just shy. Is it because I'm too pretty? I don't want to sound arrogant, though. It was based on my experience.


"May susunod pa?" he asked when he gathered his composure.


"Hmm, oo," I snorted when he squirmed on his seat again. I only smiled before darting my eyes at our drinks. Dala-dala na ng barista na patungo na rin sa aming direksyon. Buti nandito na, akala ko matagal pa.



Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reaching for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind?
For me it happens all the time