A Queen Conflicted (Alys Book #3)

Chapter 22

Endolynn woke in the middle of the night to an empty bed.
Dastrehan had left their chambers after the painfully quiet evening meal they had shared, and he had not returned by the time that Endolynn had retired. She realized as looked at the vacant spot beside her that he had likely never returned.

Endolynn moved slowly to get up and light a small oil lamp so that she could see to get dressed. She pulled on a simple dress and took the lamp with her as she quickly double checked that Dastrehan was not in the sitting room.
When her eyes failed to find him, she emerged into the hallway.
The guard standing outside her door was not Ezan, who of course was asleep at such an hour.

"Have you seen the king?" Endolynn asked, her voice still rough from sleep.

If the guard noticed, he kindly ignored it.
"He has not returned since he left earlier in the evening, My Queen."
Endolynn found herself frowning as the guard confirmed her suspicion.
Without hesitating, she made her way towards the king's study, sure she would find him there. If he were this upset, he would have sought privacy, rather than be somewhere where someone could easily interrupt him like out in the gardens.
She did not knock before entering, knowing that if he had not bothered to come to bed, he likely would not even acknowledge her knock.

"There you are," Endolynn said softly as she closed the door behind herself. Dastrehan was sitting at his desk, his boots discarded on the floor and his feet up on the desktop.
He looked towards her, frowning, "It is late. You should be sleeping."
"I was," Endolynn moved towards him, stopping beside him, and leaning her hips back against the desk, "But I could not go back to sleep once I saw you were not with me."
Dastrehan studied her face for a few moments before dropping his eyes to stare off at nothing across the room.
"I did not want to keep you up with my restlessness."
Endolynn reached to run a hand through his hair, and he closed his eyes.
"You need to rest," she reminded him softly, "Come back to bed."
Dastrehan's jaw tightened, but he kept his eyes closed as she continued to rake her hand through his hair.
When he did not respond for several minutes, Endolynn sighed and pulled her hand back, leaning back on the desk with her hands behind her in support.
"I know you feel a responsibility for Princess Maajida's disappearance, but you cannot do anything to help if you do not rest."
Dastrehan's eyes opened again to stare off into the distance.
"I am responsible for her disappearance," Destrehan said firmly, his voice grave, "I sent her back. Whatever has happened to her only happened because of the decisions I have made."
Endolynn felt her chest tighten and her stomach clenched with anxiety.
"Are you saying you regret the decisions you made?" She asked carefully, her hands unconsciously going to her stomach. Him regretting his decision to marry her was something she had feared often in the month and a half since they had taken the plunge. It would not be unreasonable for something like this to push him to regret.
Endolynn closed her eyes and took a steadying breath.
Do not go there, she told herself firmly.

"Of course not," Dastrehan finally looked back up at her and moved his left hand to place it over her hands on her stomach, "Not for a second. I think that is partially why I feel so sick with myself."
Endolynn looked down at him, taking in how pained his golden-brown eyes were. It physically hurt her to see him struggling with himself like this.
"There was no way you could foresee this happening," Endolynn's tone was calmer and steadier than she felt, "It will not help Maajida to have you beating yourself up and depriving yourself of sleep. Come back to bed. We can talk about this tomorrow and figure out what to do next."
Dastrehan looked about ready to object, but Endolynn did not give him an opportunity. She pushed herself off the desk and gripped his hand firmly, pulling him towards the door. She would drag him back to his chambers herself if needed, pregnant or not.