Komahina Oneshots

Relapse Doesn't Mean Failure

 (Major trigger warning for c*tting/self h*rm)

  Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. 

   Why did I just do that?!

    Why did I just do that?! Why did I just do that?! Why did I just do that?! Why did I just do that?!   Why did I just do that?! Why did I just do that?! Why?! Why?! Why?!

   My breathing quickens as I sink against the wall of the shower, letting the stream of water hit me head-on, pulling my knees into my chest. My fingers drop the blade and brush against the streams of blood running down my thighs, over my knees and then finally down to the tiny puddles of water on the floor.

   Tears that have been prickling in the corners of my eyes for weeks finally burst forth as I throw back my head and sob like a newborn child.

   For the past couple of weeks, it's been just one thing after another. It's all been building up and up and up until I couldn't possibly contain it anymore, and after a little over two years, I finally exploded. . .In the most awful way. 

   Hinata's going to murder me when he finds out. 

   It started with the simple little things, like my body. Hinata made a teasing comment about the chub on my belly, and all I could do was smile and laugh weakly through it, but deep down, it really hurt me, and I couldn't stop thinking about it. 

   I barely contribute anything to Hinata and I's house either, and not for lack of trying. Other people have called me lazy, and I can see how my boyfriend sometimes looks at me like I'm just a useless burden. Oh please, tell me something I don't already know!

   Who cares if it takes me a couple of days to pick up a couple of clothes? If I don't have it in me to brush my teeth or wash for at least a week? It's mentally exhausting. Cut me a break!

   . . .No, what am I saying? Hinata's been amazing and so supportive over the last couple of years while I've really been at my worst. This is just the icing on the cake, isn't it? 

   I stagger to my feet and let the water run over my thighs, trying to wash away the blood. But just as I do, there's a harsh pounding at the door that makes me stiffen from head to toe. 

   "Nagito? Is everything alright?" Hinata calls.

   Shit shit shit shit shit shit-

   "Y-Yes! I'm fine!" I call back hoarsely. 

   ". . .Are you sure? Because I'm pretty sure I heard crying. . ."

   "Nope, it must just be the running water!"

   "Then is it cool if I come in and check something?"

   "N-No!"

   "Huh? Why not?"

   "Um, uh, I-I'm naked!"

   ". . .I've seen you naked literally hundreds of times. I'm coming in."

   "No!"

   But it's too late.

   Hinata throws the door open and storms in, immediately throwing his gaze through the shower's glass door. His eyes flicker down to the fresh wounds on my thighs and widen almost comically.

   I squeeze my eyes shut, bracing myself for disappointment and yelling, but it never comes. Instead, I hear the sound of the door gently sliding open and a fully dressed Hinata steps into the shower with me, not even caring that he's getting his nice clothes soaked.

   "My love, my love, my love," He murmurs, gently taking the sides of my face and kissing my forehead, "Shh, get that look off of your face; I'm not upset with you." 

   "B-But look what I did," I sniffle, "I've done so well, been so clean for over two years, now look what I've done! Now I have to start all over! I'm a total and complete failure!"

   "No, that's not true, darling, not at all. Relapse doesn't mean failure. In fact, it's a common occurrence on the path to healing. It's how you choose to proceed afterwards is what really matters."

   "I don't think I'm strong enough," I admit. 

   "We'll be stronger together," He assures me, kissing me again, "I'll be here for you, Nagito. Forever and ever, however long it takes."

   I bury my head in his chest. "Thank you. . ."

   "Okay," He says, "Now let's get those wounds all treated before they can become infected, yeah?"

   I smile slightly.

   "Mhm."