The Return (Darklina Fanfic)

Chapter 25. Thoughts and doubts

After leaving Nikolai's study, I went for a walk through the Palace. It was strange, being able to roam it freely. Tamar followed at a distance, noticing I needed some space.

I thought about what the Darkling had said. It made me doubt if I could ever live a normal life again. After all the hate I feel for him, he's still able to get inside my head and make me doubt everything. I feel his presence through the link still, even though it's been weaker ever since the Darkling was incapacitated. I could still feel his pull and I longed for it to be gone. Perhaps time and distance will be all that's needed.

Deciding to go find Mal and tell him we're leaving, I turned round to Tamar. ''Do you have any idea where Mal could be now?'' I asked her. Tamar looked thoughtful.

''We could try the Great Hall, it's the only place I can think of.'' She said eventually.

I nodded. ''Okay, let's find him.''

The Great Hall was buzzing with people. Soldiers stockpiling weapons and ammunition, Healers busy helping the wounded and more soldiers carrying the dead. The dead. There were so many. First and Second army, but many others as well.
My heart stopped for a few seconds when I looked among the bodies. I recognised Amara, the servant girl during my time as a captive in the Palace. She was so young. Her white servant clothes were stained with blood. Her eyes were wide open, staring into nothingness.

I kneeled at her side, my fingers trailing over her forehead. I reached her eyes and closed them.
''May the Saints receive you on a brighter shore.'' I whispered, bowing my head. It is the Ravkan way to say goodbye to the dead, not the Grisha way. It felt more appropiate.
I hadn't known Amara long, and no-doubtedly she reported everything I did to the Darkling, but she was kind to me. She was the only one who was. She didn't deserve this.

I looked at her, now peaceful face, and wondered how many I would see die. Now that I had my powers back I was immortal once more. Lost in thought, I didn't notice Mal until he kneeled beside me. ''You okay?'' He whispered, stroking my arm in a comforting way.

''Not yet, but I will be.'' Someday. I let Mal lift me up to my feet. ''I spoke to Nikolai. If we want, we can go home.'' I told him as we left the Great Hall, seeking some quiet. We walked all the way the gardens. It was some time before Mal spoke

''What about the Shu. What about the Darkling?'' He questioned.

I sighed. ''That isn't my fight anymore. I'm tired, Mal. I feel... empty.'' I sat down on a bench.

''But it is our fight, Alina.'' He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear as he sat down next to me. ''It started with you, with us. At least we need to be there to decide what to do with the Darkling. You're the only one that won't underestimate his cunning. I fear, without you deciding on his fate, he will just escape again in time. And don't forget Ivan and his other minions are still at large.''

''That's why I wasn't planning on staying in Keramzin at all...'' I mumbled, averting Mal's gaze.

''What?'' He said bewildered. ''Where did you want to go? Or do you just want to run away?'' He scoffed.

I had tears in my eyes. ''I wasn't planning on us running away together Mal. And it's not running for me. I need to find a way to get rid of my powers again. It's the only thing that will ever work against him. He can't die. I will be hunted the rest of my immortal life. Unless I get rid of my powers. And even if he never gets out of his prison, I can already feel the lust. Like I need more power. And every day it's growing inside me. I need to get rid of it before it's to late. But it's something I have to do on my own.''

''But, I love you. I will always help you no matter what.'' Mal answered in a whisper, pulling me closer to him.

''I know, and deep down I know I love you too. But as my power grows, I feel more hollow. And soon all that will remain is a lust for more power that no one will be able to quench. Not even my love for you.''