Painting this canvas with the colors of our love

change of air

Walking in that house still felt odd, I had been with Sarah for a while and yet i had never been there... That was probably what she was hoping, that a new house, new city, new surroundings in general would distract me but I didn't feel very distracted.
I walked around the house once again, starting from the outside, a very curated sun terrace. I didn't know about the plants though... She must have someone who takes care of them because she is not really a plant mom. I got inside from the glass door in a very luminous and very ample living room with a king sized couch, an eye catching flat screen tv and paintings. She always went out of her way with paintings, minimal, colorful, portraits, nudes... basically anything she liked she bought.
Kitchen, shining clean... of course she didn't use it otherwise there was no way in the world she would've thought an open space with the living room could be a good idea. Typical Sarah, she likes pretty, i like practical.
Guest bathroom, not really interesting, so i moved on quickly.
Oh the bedroom, yeah that's more interesting. The bed was really the star of the show with those dark sheets in a room that was mainly black and white. I sat at the foot of the bed and looked at the painting on the wall... It looked like it was actually merely a sketch, a naked woman's torso, halfway turned around to look at the observer, except she wasn't looking anywhere because her head was thrown back, her hair falling on her back, eyes closed and her mouth was slightly opened.
"Hey honey, so how do you like the place?" Sarah said walking into the room.
"it's great... what's not great is... that's not you..." i said pointing at the painting.
"why would i have a nude of myself in my bedroom... creepy"
"i don't find it creepy, i'd hang your nudes anywhere, even in the bathroom..."
"please" she said letting out a quiet laugh.
"what i was on about was that that's nor you nor me so you sleep in here without me looking at someone else's naked body" l said looking over at her.
"oh i see, i guess we unlocked a new level, being jealous of a painting was something i had never considered could happen" she mocked me.
"yeah well i am jealous of everything that gets to be closer to you than i can" i said and it was meant to be continuing that sort of game but it was also inherently the truest thing i had said since we had arrived.
"what's closer to me than you right now?" she asked pulling her legs up on the bed.
My eyes left the painting of that unknown woman and looked over at her.
"air..."
"air?" she repeated not convinced she had actually heard it right.
"nitrogen, oxygen, carbon dioxide, neon, and hydrogen... so much luckier than i am..." i said.
"isn't that so... let's see what can we do to fix this..." she said getting closer to me.
"i would love... for what i think it's going to happen to actually happen but i think you made plans for lunch for all of us" I said.
"damn you're right... Amanda... She was just  so excited for Molly and Henry to meet Vanessa there was no way out but through" she said.
"yeah i bet" i said chuckling lightly "there's an up side to this... food is not my problem"
"see? i knew los angeles air would've done you good, you're seeing upsides to things... that's progress!" she said ironically.
"very funny, no wonder you're in the horror industry"
"take it back, i'm the funniest person you know!" she said indignant and i couldn't do anything but to agree.
"yes, true..." i said "now we should get going or we're going to be late."
"yeah yeah but before that.." she said pushing me on the bed straddling me.
"yeah that's exactly why you should have your nudes on the walls... i wish you could see what i see..." i said looking at her lustfully.
"shut up" she chuckled.
I pulled her down on me until our lips collided and she grinded slightly against me, that feeling, even through the fabric of our clothes, could've made me throw it all away and absolutely not show up for lunch.
"you are the sexiest, most amazing woman i've ever seen" i said "and this is why i'd like to see where this is headed but i really don't want your friend to hate me, so we should go" i said.
"to be continued, babe... in the meantime you can think about what you want to do.." she winked at me and she shouldn't have told me that because then it was all i could think about.
She got up and went looking for Vanessa to see if she was all ready to go and left me there on yet another cliffhanger.
"jesus..." i muttered getting up from the bed and ready to go.
Spending time with Sarah's friends wasn't exactly what i called relax because, even though they were all very chill, i was constantly reminded of the time i worshipped them from behind a screen and the fact that they all surely knew made me feel beyond uncomfortable.
We made our way to Amanda's and it wasn't long before we arrived, she opened the front door with the biggest smile i had ever seen and she hugged Sarah, the two were like closer than sisters so i'd let that one slide, but fortunately she kept her distance from Vanessa. As silly as it was i felt very protective over her when we were in an unfamiliar environment.
"Hello little girl... it's great to see you in person!" she said and Vanessa smiled under her mask but she held my hand imperceptibly tighter.
"do you wanna go with molly and henry? they're going to play outside" Amanda continued and Vanessa looked up at me.
"go if you want to baby girl" i said even though i would've liked her to stay with me the whole time but i also knew she was a child and she needed to able to live like a normal child.
She left my hand and followed Amanda outside.
"Paulson, how are you doing, feels like we haven't seen each other in ages!" Amanda's husband said "oh hello, i didn't know you'd be joining us, it's a pleasure to meet you" he said to me like he already knew about me.
"Hi David" Sarah said.
"Hello.. i'm... it's a real pleasure to be here, thank you for the hospitality too" i said shaking his hand.
"don't mention it, Paulson is family and paulson's family is family too"
I didn't know if it was stranger that he was so chill or that he called us a family but nevertheless i felt a little bit relieved.
Him and Sarah had engaged in some chitchat while he escorted us to the backyard where we were going to have lunch so i had a little bit of time to look around, disengage and try to calm down. I didn't know why i had to lose it so bad every time i saw any of her friends.
I didn't know how nor why but at a certain point it was just me and David on the porch and we both had a glass in our hand so that meant i had lost more than a few seconds.
"kids right? they make your life so much better" he said in a thinking out loud manner.
"oh yeah... yeah, they do..." i smiled looking at Vanessa and how cute she looked out there in the sun.
"huh... I always told Paulson she was going to change her mind on kids with the right person, apparently i was right..."
"i... i sometimes still feel like i dropped this on her and she sort of just accepted it for me" i said.
"believe me she's not one you can force into things"
"yeah everyone tells me that about her"
"she's got a strong personality" he chuckled
"she does, yeah, definitely" i agreed with a smile.
"you sound like you've gone through some pretty epic fights" he chuckled and took another sip.
"we certainly had our moments" i chuckled "but all is well that ends well" i said.
"from what i saw she really fell head over heels for you and i must admit i was curious to meet you myself" he said.
"disappointed so far?" i chuckled nervously.
"no i'll wait for you to stop feeling so out of place before i judge" he said.
"oh i'm so sorry if i act weird it's just all this isolation really disconnected me from the world.."
"i can imagine... Sarah told me you worked during that first outburst" he said "that must have been chaos, you're a hero"
i chose to ignore the hero thing "i mean... hospitals are always very chaotic but that was... really something else..." i said and i knew that wasn't much of an explanation but i couldn't go more in depth without feeling anxious.
"yeah i mean, we've been lucky, i'm glad i never had to worry like that about my family... i know you lost your mentor..."
i looked at him briefly after that remark, he really did know more than i imagined, if not directly from Sarah surely through his wife.
"i... she was... she died, yes, like many other people..." i dismissed it trying to make it clear i didn't want to talk about that.
"look i'm sor-" he was cut off "saved by the doorbell... i'm going to catch that and sorry, please forget i ever said anything" he said while going back inside to open the door.
"said anything about what?" Sarah said as i handed back her glass.
"nothing important, we were just chatting" i smiled.
"okay..." she said taking a sip "are you okay?"
"yeah i'm alright" i said, i still was, not sure how long it was going to last but for the time being i was okay.
"excuse me, is linda tripp here? i almost thought i could hear her voice..." someone i yet hadn't recognized said from the corridor.
"kathleen!" Sarah called in what i guessed was linda's voice going to hug her.
I was afraid of who i might've seen when i turned around but i was also kinda curious since i thought it was going to be just us.
Crap...
"is this her?!" she practically yelled at sarah even though i was just a few steps away so against my will i motioned towards them.
"it is, my lovely, gorgeous, super smart personal doctor" she said taking my hand, that was much appreciated since i already felt like i could've died.
"hello, it's a pleasure to finally meet you" i said like i had been rehearsing in my head since we had gotten out of the house.
"oh my... Paulson! she's even better in person than what you've told me!" she said to Sarah again and she giggled "oh dear, it is my pleasure, i must admit i was beyond curious..." she said.
That's something... Elizabeth Reaser is curious to meet me, just exhilarating...
"please, there's nothing to be curious about, but... likewise, no need to say i'm a huge fan" i said.
"i like you more every second if that's even possible!" she said.
"don't get too up high in the sky El, i'm still her number one" sarah said hugging my waist with her arm.
"of course you are..." i said kissing her temple.
"oh for the love of God you two..." she said waving her hand in the hair "do i still make it in your top ten though?" she asked jokingly.
"top ten?! please make it top 3" i said.
"against all odds, i'm fine with that" she said "so how are you?!" she asked me and sarah both.
"it's not like you haven't seen me lately Ellie..." sarah chuckled.
"no i know i mean everything is okay then? like with your little girl.." she asked cautiously.
"sure, she's here, babe could you get Vanessa?"
"she's going to mention Twilight if i do, so at your own risk"
"isn't that like too old for her to know?!" Elizabeth asked.
"it proves i wasn't lying when i said you're very well placed in my top 3" i said.
"oooh well, perks of having a very young mom!"
"how dare you, i am young too!" i heard sarah saying as i made my way to Vanessa.
"of course my love, young at heart"...
"baby girl come with me for a second, there's someone who would like to meet you" i said and surprisingly she dropped the game instantly and came with me.
"so... you might have seen her already on tv, but she's cool no need to be afraid okay?"i anticipated.
"i'm not afraid of mum and i see her on tv all the time" she said.
"fair point, you're just so much better than me at this" i said.
"Vanessa this is Elizabeth, mommy's great friend" i said.
"hello honey, I've heard so much about you it is great to meet you"
Vanessa looked at me for confirmation and i was fairly amused by the look on her face.
"oh no need to be afraid i'm not a vampire" Elizabeth joked.
"she's not afraid Esme is like her favorite character" i said.
"Honey you could say hi to Elizabeth..." Sarah said.
"how? she barely got any screen time!" she asked.
"i might've invented some stories, she kept on asking background questions for the characters, i had to give her something-"
"hello" she said staying very close to sarah.
"are you sure you're not afraid of me?"
"your eyes look different from the movie" she said.
"good point but i'm really her, i swear, wanna sit with me? i'll show you pictures" she said and Vanessa nodded instantly and they went to find a seat.
"You're bringing up another one like you babe" Sarah chuckled softly.
"and isn't that great honey?" i joked.
"honestly... yeah" she said.
"i was 99% sure you were going to say no" i said.
"you know i worship you..." she said.
"yeah but my awkwardness with your celebrity friends embarrasses you and don't bother denying it"
"it kinda did, but then i thought i was like this too when i first started" sarah said.
"believe me this is not going to change any time soon, not even if you keep making me meet more famous people" i said killing her last hopes.
"how did you know that was my plan.." she joked
"you're an open book for me, babe" i said leaving a kiss on her cheek "but i wonder what's taking so long... are we expecting any more people?" i asked.
"well..."
"sarah..."
"just leslie and goldie and we're done, i promise"
"what do all these people have to do with one another though, it's a weird group"
"they have me" she said
"an egomaniac narcissist..."
"hey..." she pouted "well i wanted to do it at my place but then i realized i can't cook and i wanted it to be fun and relaxing for you and it couldn't have been if you had to cook for all these people so amanda offered to do it here..."
"well i guess i'm going to go check on her and see if she needs any help" i said "since i technically owe her"
"are you mad at me?" she shouted as i got inside.
"as if!" i replied.
i looked around that gigantic house for the kitchen and soon i couldn't even hear the chatter from outside anymore.
"hey amanda... i wondered if you needed any help in here?"
"oh hey... well if you know how to make fresh mashed potatoes not stick everywhere then yes" she said.
"it's your lucky day i guess" i said going over to see how i could fix that.
"do you have any milk?"
she rushed to the fridge and handed it over as i requested.
"are you having a good time, Sylvia?" she asked as she watched me fix her mashed potatoes.
"sure... thank you for all this, it's a lot of work, trust me i know"
"would you be in the kitchen if you were? having a good time i mean"
"oh i'm... well the kitchen is sort of my happy place" i said hoping it would do.
"i'm serious though, Sarah really wanted you to have a good time, take your mind off things..." the way she said things told me she knew everything, if not everything, close to it.
"you know i'm just not good with people, in general"
"that's not even true..." she said "i think you're doing good"
"my mind is going on on repeat about how did i end up making mashed potatoes in amanda peet's house" i said stealing a laugh from her.
"okay, hopefully you'll get used to that" she said "we can do this again"
"maybe yeah" i said.
"why do i feel like that's actually a no?"
"i'm sorry i just don't want to talk about it" i said.
"i'm not asking, just please keep trying, i know you're trying" she said putting her hand on my arm.
"mashed potatoes are ready and not sticky at all" i said and smiled to her.
"oh great, you're a lifesaver... quite literally" she said and i chuckled.
"well if i'm done here i'm going to have to use the bathroom" i said.
"oh yeah, across the hall at the end of the hallway on the left" she said and i thanked her and got there but the door was closed so i knocked.
"sorry, coming right out!" an unfamiliar voice said but i had a feeling about who that was and my first reaction was to run and go outside but she opened the door too quickly.
"well that's an awkward way to meet" Leslie said making me laugh.
"i guess you're right, so awkward"
"it doesn't matter, i'm just so glad we got to meet... i've heard so much about you"
"all positive i hope" i smiled.
"oh believe me i couldn't have higher expectations... someone's really crazy about you!"
"it's great to meet you too, i love meeting sarah's friends" i said which was only half a lie because i loved all of them, they just made me nervous.
"well i'll leave you to your... needs... i guess" she chuckled "see you outside" she said before leaving.
I locked myself in the bathroom and i leaned my back against the door. I guess i'm officially not okay... I thought as i tried to calm down my breathing. That house was huge, hell, even that bathroom was but it felt like it was all crumbling down on me.
I sat on the edge of the bathtub and unbuttoned a couple of buttons of my shirt and tried again taking deep breaths but it wouldn't work.
It was hot and my cheeks were burning, i was almost gasping for air and all of their voices were so loud in my head. "keep trying" "i have high expectations" "you're even better in person" "relax" "i was curious about you"...
"is everything okay in there?" sarah's voice snapped me out of my spiraling feelings as she knocked on the door.
"yes!" i replied.
"do you wanna come out? we're waiting for you to eat" she said.
Shit.
"start, i'll be out as soon as possible" i said.
"babe can you let me in please?" she asked in a much sweeter tone.
I decided to let her in because i wasn't going to be able to get rid of her anyway.
I unlocked the door and she came in and closed the door behind her back.
"babe..."
"i'm sorry"
"no i'm sorry, i should've known better than to bring you here... i'm sorry"
As her words confirmed each and every undermining thought i had had until i had locked myself in that bathroom i started crying.
"i'm sorry i'm just not good enough for you, i know you didn't say that, you don't need to, because i know it"
"this is anxiety talking, i love you and you know that" she said "you weren't ready for this and i shouldn't have forced it on you"
"all you do is for me and i still manage to screw things up i really don't know why i gotta be like this"
"you're not screwing anything up, now calm down" she said hugging me.
I hugged her back as tight as i could and took a deep breath of her scent.
"we can do this, we have lunch and as soon as it's over we're out of here okay?"
"these are your friends, Sarah... Amanda probably spent the whole morning in the kitchen-"
"exactly as you said, they're my friends, they'll understand, wouldn't Blythe or Peter?" she asked.
"I guess so..."
"then we can walk away anytime" she said and for some reason those were the words that seemed to do the trick for me. The possibility of making that choice helped me calm down.
"we can stay... i'm going to behave now, promise" i said.
"are you sure? i want you to know it's not a problem, we can leave" she said.
"i'm sure, let's go have lunch..." i said shooting a brief look at the mirror to make sure my face wasn't a complete disaster.
She looked lovingly in my eyes and placed the sweetest kiss on my lips before opening the door for me. She held my hand as we walked not only to guide me in that house but also to let me know she was there by my side and i wasn't alone no matter the fact i still believed i was.
"oh finally, the kids were starting a riot here" Amanda joked as we came out.
"your fault Amanda, this house is too big, I got lost!" i joked too.
Sarah looked at me like she didn't know i was a person that could pretend being okay just as well as anybody else.
"Oh i'm sorry i'll have a map made for you next time" she teased me.
"great thank you, i knew you'd understand" i said sitting at the table between Vanessa and Sarah.
Lunch was okay, not nearly as impossible to survive as my anxiety wanted to make me think. After a while of faking it i actually started to feel like i could actually relax, i wasn't as tensed as i was before and everyone was just having a good time.
Leslie was like the funniest among Sarah's friends and I really believed that decision was final because she brought everyone close to tears at least twice during lunch.
Leslie's daughter was getting particularly interested in my job, she asked an immeasurable amount of questions, one of them being "how accurate is grey's anatomy really?". That last one was all it took to make all the grey's anatomy memories come back since Elizabeth, Sarah and Leslie had all guest starred on the show. Of course none of them could admit the other had a better story or a better character so they always made me decide that as if it wasn't stressful enough already but nobody was taking it seriously and when i picked Sarah for whatever reason they all dismissed it saying i wasn't being impartial.
"i'm sorry but you're the ones not being impartial, young Ellis Grey was obviously the best character among the three" I said.
"mine was crazy!" Elizabeth said.
"mine had a... fecal transplant..."
"exactly, disgusting" sarah said "mine was overall an empowered female doctor in a world of men!"
"well..." i started meaning to point out Ellis also gave her daughter a lot of trauma but she stopped me because she knew. i lightly bit the palm of her hand so she'd remove it from over my mouth "thank you... i was about to say Ellis surely wasn't the best character but against crazy and fecal transplant" i said pointing at Elizabeth and Leslie respectively "she surely wins, sorry you can't take it" i shrugged.
"yes babe, that's why i love you" sarah high-fived me.
"wait is that the only reason?" i asked jokingly.
She giggled because even if i was joking there was still a not-so-small part of me that needed reassurance over that.
"mmh no, also many other reasons i can't tell in front of kids" she said making me blush hard as i wasn't expecting it.
I looked at her trying not to look too shocked but everyone was already laughing anyway since i was blushing to the tip of my ears.
"could she say the same, Paulson?" Leslie said raising her eyebrows in a challenging look.
"ask her" Sarah said confidently moving her eyes back on me.
"i can't believe you're doing this to me..." i said covering my face in embarrassment. Fortunately the kids were too invested in their games to pay attention to what we were talking about but still a bit too close.
"well... it's just yes or no" Sarah said smiling flirtatiously.
"yes... now stop looking at me like that" I said looking at her "no more wine for you, Jesus christ" i said taking her glass out of her reach.
"give it back, give it back" she said making grabbing motions with both her hands.
"so..." started amanda looking at sarah "you basically have two kids" she said directly to me.
"Bird, pass me the wine?" Sarah asked Amanda who was sitting in front of us.
"I'm going to have to agree with your wife, no more wine for you" Amanda said, she had a few more drinks than she should've but that slip on the "wife" matter startled me a little.
"i'd say no more wine for you, Bird, we're not married" Sarah pointed out with a look at Amanda i didn't understand after which the other one took a look sip of wine.
"okay who's up for dessert?!" Leslie asked to dissolve a little tension since there was a bit of an awkward moment.
Our situation over that matter was the only thing me and Sarah weren't talking about ignoring the fact like i had never proposed in the first place. It had been terrible and a lot of stuff went down right after that making even thinking about marriage impossible. She was always wearing the ring i gave her but we had just never talked about actually getting married again. I had never mentioned it because i felt horrible for how things had developed and i felt somehow responsible for another one of our moments being hopelessly spoiled. I didn't know what she felt, usually the fact she still wore the ring gave me hope, like that could be a symbol for our love until we were able to actually talk about it properly but sometimes i felt like she wasn't talking about it because she didn't actually want to marry me but she was trying not to hurt me. However the fact that little word slipped out Amanda's mouth put things into a different perspective. What if she actually cared about getting married more than i knew? maybe she wanted to but she wasn't saying anything because i hadn't been in a good enough place mentally to talk about taking that step?
Maybe if i got my shit together we could actually do that, maybe it could be us together forever... Perhaps this was a sign she had been talking about it with Amanda and maybe we could still have a chance.
"Darling you're a little bit too silent... are you sure you're okay?" Sarah whispered in my ear lightly touching my knee.
I had just realized i couldn't propose again because it had taken me months of work and after hours to have the money for that ring she wore every day and i certainly didn't have that kind of money in that moment. You can't propose without a ring so that possibility of doing it again had just slipped out of my hands before i could even savor it.
"yeah, sorry, i spaced out for a second" i said and i indulged in a sip of wine, after all i was never that good at handling disappointment.
"honey that's not water" she rushed to warn me.
"yeah i know, half a glass of wine will not kill me, just to remind myself what it's like" i said.
We finished eating dessert but the atmosphere was much less relaxed than it had been and Sarah just couldn't stop shooting glances at me every 5 seconds probably hoping the glass would empty itself or something.
After lunch everyone was enjoying a little bit of sun laying on any chair or deckchair or more in general any surface that could support their butts so they could blissfully sleep in the sun.
Sarah's wine had hit on the right spots and she was asleep on a deckchair next to Leslie with her sunglasses on and unusually rosy cheeks.
I decided i couldn't do sleeping because i had a problem to fix so i got up to stretch my legs hoping walking would help me think.
It was getting hot so i looked for shelter inside the house and finished walking inside a big living room with a giant couch and a guitar leaning carelessly on it.
It was out of his sleeve so it must've been something they used hence i was allowed to touch it. I sat on the sofa and tried playing a few chords, it was tuned so it must had been used recently.
I brought it out and fell back on that wicker garden armchair. Everyone was sleeping or almost so i surely wasn't up for a concert, I just played a soothing ambiance sequence that would lull them to sleep and maybe help me think.
I didn't know exactly how long i had played but i knew i only stopped when my fingers hurt so much i couldn't press on the strings anymore.
"you're so good at this... i could listen to this all day" David said from the armchair next to mine once i stopped.
"thank you..." i said not sure if i should've continued or not.
"it was kind of a weird feeling though, what is it?"
"i don't know i just put a few random chords in order, i wasn't playing anything in particular"
"well then you should consider writing music" he said.
"how much do you think writers make..." i asked not out of real interest just to convince it was impossible to come around the kind of money i needed for the ring so quickly.
"well i don't know precisely but good ones... they make money for sure" he said.
"I was just kidding i have a job already" i said.
"well it's not a shame to want to do something else..." he said.
"I don't really want to, i'm just looking for the easy way"
"well being really successful in this world isn't that easy i can promise you that but i'm sure you would"
"well i meant just for writing songs... no offense to anyone but i feel like writing songs would be so much easier than the job i currently have."
"i'm sure it would but you don't have to choose, you can have more than one thing"
"yeah, no, no i can't" i chuckled.
"you can't until you believe you can" he looked at me like he knew.
"well i hope this works for you" i said actually starting to get a little nervous about his attitude.
"it did work wonders to change my way of approaching things" he said.
I nodded lightly sighing in sign of mild surprise but I didn't say anything, I didn't know if it was the fact he seemed to think he was so much smarter than everyone else but his attitude irritated me.
"good morning..." Sarah groaned.
"try afternoon, honey" i chuckled, that was the best moment to wake up, i was relieved.
"right..." she said straightening up "i should stop drinking at this point i'm too old even for this" she said looking around a little lost.
"Vanessa is alright, playing... digging a hole, i'm not exactly sure of the reason but there's someone's treasure under there and, i quote, they will find it" i said.
"i've never seen that much energy" she said
"well, i'm letting her take it all out, she's going to want to go straight to bed when we get home" i said already savoring my well deserved time alone with Sarah until the thought she maybe didn't even want to be with me anymore.
"are we that kind of parents yet?"
"i suppose we can be when we get the occasion and also i think this is better for her than to be watching tv or playing on either one of our phones" i said.
"oh yeah that's the parent talk, right there" she said mocking me.
"i mean it's not wrong... i mean she's socializing, playing, having fun under the sun, it's good for her" i said trying to make my point.
"i love when you get all worked up like that" she giggled.
"shut up" i said as i realized she was just making fun of me and i sunk lower in the chair with my arms crossed.
she chuckled "how can you be the parent and the child at the same time?"
"because i'm amazing and i can be anything i want i guess"
"that's a good answer, i like that" she said.
The other girls had been coming back from the dead too and soon enough they also regained all their functions including speech.
"Bird this is just crossing my mind now, but did you remember to tell Sylvia about that thing?" she asked, emphasis on that.
"no... it was meant to be a surprise, why?" she said looking like she still couldn't believe her best friend could betray her like that.
"surprise? what surprise? why?" i asked but everyone ignored me.
"because we need to confirm how many of us it will be for them to give us all the VIP passes" Amanda said "sorry"
"oh that's so lame"
"that's just how it works i guess it can't be any other way" Amanda said trying to convince her to give up.
"oh fine then... people can't even surprise their girlfriends anymore" Sarah scoffed.
"what's the surprise?!" i asked.
"you know that's not how surprises work right?" sarah grinned.
"yeah but you have to tell me now" i said.
"yeah Sarah i think you can tell her..." Leslie said metaphorically coming to my rescue.
"fine fine, so how about adele's concert tomorrow?!" she said.
"adele's... oh my god"
"yeah i guess she'll sing that one too" sarah said.
"no i mean oh my god like for real?"
"yeah" she smiled.
"how is she even allowed to do it..."
"it's... it's kind of an exclusive thing you know" she said vaguely.
"meaning?"
"meaning it's not many people" she said.
"what's the catch adele's not doing a full on concert for like 10 people" i said.
"well it might be... on tv... like maybe..." she said scratching her head.
"like for people to see..."
"yeah" she said
"mmmh i gotta say i was more excited before this detail"
"are you a criminal? have you stolen this identity therefore cannot be seen on tv or you'll get caught?" Sarah asked.
"of course not", i rolled my eyes.
"than i think it's safe for you to be there, cameras will be on her, not us" she reassured.
"right... i will, yeah i've been wanting to see her in a concert for ever" i said.
"really?" sarah asked incredulously getting up frome the chair so fast.
"yeah really" i said "and thank you... for wanting to make this a surprise for me, i love the thought" i said pulling her down to kiss her.
"Awh yeah so sweet" Leslie said
"GET A ROOM" Elizabeth yelled from her chair.
Me and Sarah broke our kiss both giggling.
We spent a few more minutes all together until Elizabeth and Leslie said it was time for them to go and we were left with Amanda and her husband.
"So who's going to tell her we should get going as well?" I asked pointing at Vanessa who was still with her hands in the dirt but was probably never happier than that.
"mmh you?" Sarah tried.
"i could yeah... but i do the homework and all the boring stuff already, she will accept it more easily from her fun mom" i said.
"even though that's a boring mom duty i will do it for you this time" she said earning a glare from me for calling me boring.
I followed Amanda inside to collect our things and we waited for them at the door.
"I don't know how to thank you for today... It meant the world to Vanessa to be able to hang out with other kids and it means a lot for me to be a part of your circle" I said.
"you don't have to thank me, it was my pleasure to have you here, I care about you, whenever you're ready to believe it i'll still be here" she said patting my shoulder.
"well anyway, thank you, it means a lot" i nodded.
"we're here, in desperate need for a bath... but here" sarah said holding Vanessa's hand.
"girl you really did your best!" i said.
"i'm sorry i tried to get dirt on my clothes" she said.
"it's okay baby! clothes can always be washed but when you miss the fun it's lost, i'm glad you didn't" i said reassuring her clothes were the least of my concerns.
"no i had so much fun... can we do it again soon?" she asked with hope in her eyes.
"we... we can surely try to do it again soon" i said not finding it in myself to kill her hopes.
"okay, now be a good girl and say bye to Amanda and David so we can go" Sarah said.
Vanessa waved at them and they waved back at her "thank you, it's been a great day, bye" she said following me outside the door.
Back home i had some more time to think about my problem while Sarah dealt with Vanessa and her bath but i couldn't seem to find a solution, out of desperation i even thought stealing her ring and prosing again with the same one but of course that wasn't a viable option.
They seemed to be having a little too much fun in that bathroom so i thought of stepping by before going to bed.
"what are my two favorite girls doing?" i asked watching attentively as they dropped the matter of their whispered conversation.
"just a bath" Vanessa shrugged as she looked at sarah who was on her knees beside the bathtub.
"mmh why do you look so mischievous though..."
"mom-daughter secrets" Sarah said.
"ooh please forgive me, i intrude i withdraw" i said "i was only here to tell you guys i'm really exhausted so i'm going to sleep, have fun here, goodnight" i explained giving a kiss on the top of the head each.
"okay babe.. sure you're okay right?" Sarah asked.
"i'm fine, i'm fine"
"goodnight babes i'll be there in a while" Sarah said.
"have fun and don't wake me if i'm asleep" i warned her.
As soon as i got in bed after taking a quick shower i finally felt the tiredness washing over me and I decided the ring problem was going to be another day's problem. For that night i got the promise of adele's concert with the love of my life the following day and I let that sweet thought help me falling asleep.

A/N Omg did i update? I'm sorry if this sucks or wasn't what you were expecting, i totally hate this so it's okay if you do too, no judgment lol
I'm not even apologizing for the ridiculous amount on time it takes me to update every time but know my life is a bit crazy rn, I'm not at my best but i really don't want to give this up. So, as always, unless i say it's the last chapter no matter how long it'll take me i will always update, promise, see you on the next chapter!